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Posted 3/8/2010 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
I am here at the library and I thought I would post because I know it has been a couple days. Things in my life are no better in fact every day that passes, something more goes wrong. The hematology doctor may want to order a bone marrow before my appointment because of waiting list. I guess a blood disorder doesnt go anywhere except into lymph glands so what is the hurry, right? I keep telling myself that I wish it would have been me to pass and not my sister but know might be the right time for me to understand what my sister went through. I guess I am not scared of cancer because I have seen it for many years and in fact, I wished that I could have my sister's cancer instead of her because she was so full of life and I hated everyday.
My health is scary and I think that my body is finally giving up and letting all the meds I have ever taken destroy my functioning.
The sun is out and I wish it would rain.
Posted 3/8/2010 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

I am sorry that you are feeling so badly. I hope that you feel better soon. You have been through more than I can imagine, I hope that things take a turn for the better for you.

I am glad that you are able to come to the library to post on the forum. It is nice that you have that opertunity, though I miss your regular posts when you had a working computer.

Keep trying Teresa, there comes a point where things have to change, because all that could have gone wrong already has. I hope things start looking up for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/9/2010 7:04 AM (GMT 0)
hang in there teresa. jamie.
Posted 3/9/2010 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Teresa , I'm very sorry your having such a hard time , please don't give up on yourself things will turn for the better .Try to remember positive thoughts are best and that a thought is just that a thought .Its not reality , things can go well as easily as they can go wrong so why not think they'll go well ?Its a 50/50 chance so try to train yourself to see the bright side of every situation , it helps . Best of luck and please keep us posted as to how you are .Have you tried keeping a journal ?
Posted 3/15/2010 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for the kind words. My depression is about the same and I did schedule my appointments with my doctors. I actually have to see another specialist for cognitive brain studies. This will give positive information that more invasive tests are needed to diagnose a brain disorder. I see that doc on 4/15 and I see the hematologist on 4/22. I look at these appointments and wonder how much more in debt I can possibly be.
I have received terrible news regarding 2 of my children. It is extremely personal and it has made me wonder if I can make it another day. Just seems that as days pass, something more awful is happening, where I used to smile because of my FAITH. I still have my FAITH but I wonder for how long, I am so tired of feeling like this. Noone understands and it is extremely trying when you feel you have noone to talk to about anything.
I still havent been able to see my girlfriend in Florida but I try to talk to everyday. She is always homesick and there is nothing I can really do for her. There was an actual homicide down the street from both our homes and I told her that she is probably in a safer place than I am at this point. I live in an area where there is little crime but the past year there have been 3-4 with 3 blocks of my home. Believe it or not, I am not afraid like everyone else is.
Well, I only have a couple minutes so I hope everyone is doing ok.
Posted 3/15/2010 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

I am sorry for the problem with your children. I hope that everything works out okay. I know that these are trying times, but keep hanging in there. Things have a way of working out.

That is scarey that there was a homicide near you. I hope that the crime does not move any closer to you. But I guess things could happen anywhere at anytime, so we never know. Just being in the wrong place at the wrong time could happen to any of us. So I don't blame you for not being scared. But it would be a little unnerving. Though we can't live in fear. It makes no sense to worry about it. That only makes us more insecure and depressed.

I agree with Mikel. Try to think of the good things that are going on in your life, as trivial as they may seem, they are important to focus on. I hope that you have some good things going on. Even if it is as simple as the sunshine. It is important. It is sunny here today and I am happy for that. I am going to go for a walk with my dog here shortly.

I hope that you have a good day today. Take care, and keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/16/2010 5:30 AM (GMT 0)
keep strong teresa. know that i am here for you. i hope your appts went well. having a definate answer will help, thus you can receive the correct treatments. sometimes our faith is tested, sometimes right to the brink, i hope that you still hold strong with yours, as this is when faith works best. keeping you in my healing prayers teresa. with loving and healing compassion, jamie.
Posted 3/23/2010 7:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone~

Just wanted to let everyone know that things are about the same in my life.  Trying to keep busy on these sunny days so I dont get too depressed.  I am on a new dose of med for nighttime so I think that maybe my fatigue could be due to that.  While researching for my appointments I found some information relating to my narcolepsy and depression.  It is a gene referred to HLA-DR4.  It is a gene that only narcoleptics have and can actually play a part in the autoimmune system.  Whether that is good news or not will be up to the doctors.  I get really discouraged when I find information about my health that maybe should have been found by medical professionals.  Unfortunately, that is how it happens when noone can fight for your health but you.

 

I did however do some body work on my car.  It entailed stripping, priming and painting my front bumper and I will say that I did a pretty good job for not being a auto body professional, lol.  See I even laughed:)  Being single in this world makes you cross-train for life.

 

Take care and thanks for always being here.

Posted 3/23/2010 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa,

You do sound a little better. I am happy for that. I am proud of your car painting skills. I would be so scared to do that. I am glad that it came out good.

I have chronic fatigue, which to me is kind of like narcolepsy. I take adderall for that. Maybe you could try something like that. Talk to your doctor. There might be something out there that could help you.

I hope that you are having a good day today. Keep us posted as to what is going on.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/24/2010 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
good job on the car!! impressive. you made me smile knowing that you did, thus heaps of smiles for you my talented friend. jamie

smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin

ps, excellent diversional therapy!!!

Posted 3/29/2010 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks you guys, it still looks quite good.
Posted 3/30/2010 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
keep on keeeping on. with healing compassion, jamie.
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