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would i be in the wrong

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Posted 3/9/2010 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
hi i was wondering if i would be in the wrong if i told my spouse he needs to go back on antidepressants. he has complained about his life how its in a downward spiral and how he never happy. which by the way hurts my feelings cause he is implying he is not happy with me and frankly i am tired of hearing complain how bad his life is. i told him if he is unhappy then he needs to do something about it.
Posted 3/9/2010 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Worriedgirl,

I don't see anything wrong with suggesting antidepressants. Be careful how you word it, for instance say something like "do you think you would feel better if you tried antidepressants?" instead of "I think you should try antidepressants." I think if you word it as a question he will be less on the defensive.

One thing you have to do is change your way of thinking. Just because he isn't happy, doesn't mean he isn't happy with you. When I was depressed, my husband took it personally as you are now, and it really hurt because I loved him and my depression had nothing to do with him. So don't think that way. Know that he still wants to be with you, he is depressed. And I am sure if you look back on your own feelings when you are depressed, you didn't feel that way. As if you weren't happy with somebody else. It is just an inward type thing that goes on as I am sure that you understand.

I hope that things work out and that he does get on anti depressants, or even counseling. Maybe ask him if he thinks that would help some.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/9/2010 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
sad thing karen is i think he does mean what he says. he says we are all draining him, me his friend and family that we are all needing something for him. i know he is under a lot of stress and i try to help but i can only do so much. he has said it before but i always push it to the side, maybe because i dont want to see that i dont and cant make him happy. i also am not responsible for his happiness and he refuses to make the change to make him happy. i dont want to leave him but i dont want him unhappy. i feel that even though when he said it last night he wasnt mad at me but he was mad cause of something he did but normally its me that he is upset at
Posted 3/10/2010 9:16 AM (GMT 0)
i hope he sees his doctor. karen has given you some excellent wisdom. with compassion, jamie.
Posted 3/10/2010 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
Worriedgirl,

I think if he sees a doctor that he will change. He is just taking it out on the ones closest to him. Which is you. I understand how you feel though. He is trying to make you and family seem responsible for his issues. But you are right, you are not responsible for the way that he feels, he owns that himself. And try not to let this get you down, I know easier said than done. Maybe in the meantime you could talk to a counselor about how to handle this. This is a lot of weight for you to carry at this time. I know that you are doing the very best that you can. And I think you shoudl give yourself a pat on the back for this. (((HUGS))).

I hope that things come around soon. Know that we support you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/11/2010 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
well things are better today. not sure how to talk about the meds thing so im winging it right now. i asked him last night if he loved me and he said yes. maybe he was having a real bad day i know on sunday was bad and then someone broke into his car on monday so maybe that was just it.
Posted 3/11/2010 11:41 PM (GMT 0)
That sounds like enough to put somebody into a bad mood. I hope that things get better really soon for you both. Make sure to keep us posted on how things are going for both of you. We really do care.

Hugs, Karen
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