Confused.

Well, here it goes. I'm not going to lie, this is my first time using this type of cyber reference. So i'm really hoping this will in some way help me. For years, I know I have definitely been depressed. My mother even knew this and yet she refused to do anything. I feel so lost and empty with out her. Shes a workaholic and I only see her 5-10 mins before I go to school. In fact I told her I barely see her as that motherly figure to me. SHe does not fit the role. She is way too busy to pay attention to my siblings and myself. Its hard at this point for me, I have to balance work, school, college around the corner and my family and friends. Its so hard to divide my time between them all. My parents are always stressing of how I need to get perfect grades and I feel if I do not rise to their expectations, I am a failure. They constantly compare me to my older brother (who was a trouble maker) saying I am following in his footsteps....but i'm not. I'm a straight A student, part time job and accepted into a great medical college. Life is just so hard, especially with my parents riding on my back about...EVERYTHING! I must admit, I am not one to handle stress easily. I constantly have break downs when the tiniest thing goes wrong. I freak out, I yell, cry, and blurt out everything that is bothering me. I have thought of the most extreme measures (if you catch my drift) but failed to follow through because there was always something or someone I would think about to reconsider. Now I feel alone and no one will listen. I feel like a broken record, I repeat the same story to loads of people, however no one really listens or steps in to help. I am lost and confused in this world and just asking for a helping hand at this point and someone to lift me up.

hi dotzie. jamie here. male, 37.

my suggestion is to have a chat with your dr. maybe some medication will help, it does me, and others on this forum. your dr. may be able to refer you to a counsellor on a sliding fee scale. doing the journal is very good, it gets stuff out, and you can read it or let your doc read it so that he/she can better treat you. other things at this time can help also, for me it is walking and music, for you it maybe other things. getting the balance right in life is hard, from what i have read you seem very diligent, albeit nobody is perfect. i am glad that you posted, and i am sure that other members will soon post with other ideas. in the meantime hang in there. with compassion, jamie