Posted 3/26/2010 9:04 PM (GMT 0)
I am to the point to where I know I need help but don't know where to begin. But anyhow, I was diagnosed officially with depression a few years ago and was prescribed meds and I am against medication so didnt take them. I figured at the time I just needed to take charge of my life and change somethings. Because I feel that we control our lives and only I can make me better and do not want to rely on drugs. Anyway I did some soul searching, meditation, life changes, found god, got rid of the negative people in my life,even a new job. Things were great for a long time until now. I honestly do not have anything to be depressed about, I mean I and my family are in good health I have a job a home. Really I do not have anything to be depressed about. I work in a call center and I find myself hating people now which is not me, I do not want to come to work, my family gets on my nerves which is not normal. I can not sit for an hour if that without crying. I have to hide in my bathroom to cry because I dont know whats wrong with me. I have thought about it and have decided I dont have anything to be depressed about so what if I am crazy. I have myself almost convinced that I really am crazy. why else would i act this way. I mean I do have situations in my life that cause me to be unhappy and those things are out of my control but this started happening before those issues and now with my issues I am getting worse. I do not want to kill myself and would never but I do pray to god every single day to just let me die to let something happen to me SOMETHING. i believe in god and have put my faith in him and all but now i am starting to loose my faith again and i dont want to because since i found him my life had never been better but why would he take it all away from me.......