alcoholic?

hi i am jamie, male, 37.

i think the answer is more in the reason of why you are drinking at age 13. and that you started at age 10. i am really worried, you are just starting to develop, that is your body, brain, hormones, bones, growth, etc, etc. alcohol at this age, and the amount your drinking is very toxic. especially to your liver-and your brain. it would be impairing your cognitive function and memory, and it gets worse. dt's and wet brain-this is later on. i think you need some immediate help. alcohol is a depressant, maybe you are depressed and or very down. please speak to someone you can trust. i have seen what it does, i know some people who are alcoholics-trust me, it is a very harsh existance. in australia we have alateen. a support group for people with alcohol abuse issues, i think a support group alike this would be very benefical to you. with compassion, jamie.

you do need help. im not trying to scare you, actually i take that back i am but you need it. when you drink you destroy your body especially being at such a young age and are developing. you may not notice it but it does mess with your body. if you drink to much you destroy your liver which ends up with liver disease such as cirrhosis. yes it is a horrible disease as in it makes you swell up with water(ascities), get jaundiced, makes you really tired, and eventually kills you. it is a very painful disease and hurts really bad. i encourage you to visit the hepatitis board and read the threads on end stage liver disease or cirrhosis or even talk to some of the people there. they will tell you what a horrible thing alcohol does to your body. how do i know this? my mom died from this in november and it was a slow and horrible death and i dont want to see you go down that road.

Frances_2008 said...
Dear Elicia,
I want to welcome you to the forum & really commend you for thinking about such a serious issue. Without a doubt, the healthiest choice would be to stop drinking. But, in response to your question about whether or not you might be alcoholic, there are some really great reference materials out there for teens.

Here's a link to the AA site for teens:

www.aa.org/lang/en/catalog.cfm?origpage=15&product=94

The booklet "How to tell when drinking is becoming a problem" might be a good start for you. It is a simple 12 question self-test that you can fill out on your own. If you can answer "yes" to any of the questions, then it's probably a good idea to follow-up with someone who can look into whether there might be some sort of problem. If you have a pediatrician that you already see, that would be a good place to start. If not, your school counselor should have a list of doctors & treatment specialists in your area who work with teenagers.

I want to encourage you that no matter how hard it seems to stop drinking on your own, with help many people are able to stop & can find healthier ways of facing all the stress, problems, pressure & changing emotions that come with being in junior high.

There are a lot of good things waiting for you in this world. There are a lot of good people. It sounds like you maybe don't experience too much of that right now (i could be wrong about that), but by asking for help & starting to surround yourself with good people who love life & love being around you, things will start to change.

People can quit at any age, whether 13 or 93, there are a lot of stories about people who have successfully stopped drinking & have gone on to live happy, successful lives. A lot of times it's hard to see when you're still drinking & downing so many caffeine drinks, but later on people say that quitting was the first step to reaching their dreams.

Please take the quiz & then talk to your parents. If your parents are part of the problem, then please talk to a teacher, or if you know your doctor's name & phone number, call your own doctor. There are even medications out there that can help make it easier for people to quit. Your future can be so bright & I just want you to know that I'm pulling for you & wish you all the best!

blessings,
frances

i answered 8 of 12 "yes".

i dontknow what i should do. i cant put my parents into this, they will get mad at me and isolate me.
if im even an alcoholic, i think can do this by myself. saturday night, my best friend just got out of rehab, he was 21, and so me my boyfriend, him and our two other friends got four lokos, Joose and beer.
i told myself not to drink. i wasn't going to until my friend who just got out of rehab brought up how he was getting himself a forty. i haven't had beer in a while, and it sounded good, so i said **** it and got a forty. that is all i had.. except for some Joose. i had like half a can of that. and some four lokos.
but i think i can handle this on my own, and i dont want to have my parents know about it. and i definitely dont want them paying for any treatments.

Elicia,
I believe you really want to quit on your own. I'm sure you're really good at a lot of things. But alcoholism has nothing to do with being a strong person or a smart person or just having enough will power. The ONLY way to beat it is to own up to the fact that you cannot just stop drinking because you want to. Every alcoholic needs help & then needs to get involved with AA, or something like it.

There are a LOT of success stories out there. Really, truly, there are. I've seen people -- friends -- who've gotten help & quit drinking for good. But it is super hard. There is hope, but it will be a battle for you. If your parents have insurance, often the insurance will cover treatment. Most hospitals & outpatient treatment programs offer financial assistance programs for families who can't pay full-price for the treatments. Once you make it through the first part, getting all the alcohol & caffeine out of your system and setting up a really detailed plan about how you will avoid being around alcohol by spending more time having fun, hanging out with healthy friends, focusing on school/chores/etc., there is a pretty good chance that a big part of your "treatment" will be attending AA meetings, which are totally free.

I know you don't want to bring your parents into all this. I'm sure you have your reasons. But the thing is, they will find out. You know what alcohol does to people. You know that no matter how good you are at hiding it from them, no matter how careful you are, in a few years -- maybe sooner -- you will be very sick & they will be spending every penny they have to try to figure out what is wrong with their daughter. And the treatment at that point really will be expensive.

Maybe telling your parents first isn't a good idea. I don't know. Maybe it would be better to tell another relative, or to tell another adult who can sit down with you & your parents and talk things through. Maybe it would be better to contact a youth crisis line & ask for a mediator to help you calmly talk with your parents (NRS will provide this service, if you're interested. Even though their name says "Runaway" it is for anyone age 10-20 who is having a hard issue & doesn't know how to talk to their parents about it, or doesn't want to talk to their parents about it. Their free number is 1-800-RUNAWAY.). Only you know what's the best way to talk to your parents, but it sounds like you care about them & if that's true, it's important that you let them know what's going on & that you've tried SOOO hard to stop drinking, but it's just too hard for anyone to do alone.

I can't say that your parents won't be upset. Probably they will feel scared. They might even get angry for a little bit. But I've seen a lot of young people come clean with their parents & after a short time of their relationship with their parents getting a little bit worse, all of them say that their relationship with their parents is now really, really good. Better than in a very, very long time. Because almost all parents want their children to be happy & healthy. It's hard for them sometimes at first because they have to face the fact that instead of going out & having fun like teenagers are supposed to be doing, their child was somehow drawn into drinking (which really is much less enjoyable that almost every other activity that exists in junior high). But your parents are strong people, too. And as hard as you're fighting to try & stop drinking, your parents will put the same or more amount of energy into helping you & supporting you. They may not always be nice & sometimes they might even make a mistake and do the wrong thing, but at the end of the day, they want to help you be happy, healthy & successful.

And there are a lot of options for adults to get financial help with bills for treatment. There are people at a lot of medical offices whose whole job is to talk to adults about what options they have to make sure they don't have to suffer financially from the bills.

Well, that's about it. I've tried to address the concerns you've listed. I'm sure you probably have more, but really those issues are for the adults to sort out. Your job is to honestly tell some adult about what's going on (you were concerned that maybe you were drinking too much, you took a test that said you need to talk to a professional about your drinking, you tried to stop, but you couldn't even though you really wanted to). That's it. The rest is up to other people until you get a sobriety plan & then it will be your responsibility to follow your sobriety plan.

I really believe in you. I know you can sit down with your parents & talk this through. I believe that even if they get mad, you will be okay. They've gotten mad at you about other things, right? But eventually they got over it & things went back to normal. The same thing will happen here -- except "normal" will mean that you are choosing to live, choosing to enjoy life, choosing to be around people who know how to have fun & make you happy, choosing to make yourself & your family & anyone else who really cares about you very proud. Because stopping drinking is really hard & everyone knows that. If you can get help & beat alcoholism, you can do anything in the world. :)

take care,
frances

hi there
just up not able to sleep tonight
I AM A SOBER ALCOHOLIC
i quit drinking in 1979
i lost my first love on st paddys day to a car accident n i had to grow up quickly as i was left with a son n no hubby

i found AA and the ppl there were so so powerful helping me n befriending me the community itself is wonderful imho
why are you worried about your parents this is something they can help you thru
you have to reach out n trust someone do you have sober friends ppl that dont rely on booze to have fun

i only pray n pray that if it were my daughter Cait she would come to me about this i really want to keep the lines open so she knows mom is here for her
Sometimes we have as parents been thru already what you teens are facing n we just might be able to help if we are approached n told what is going on

plz sweetie get youself some help go to a meeting
frances gave awesome support to you hit many aspects of what drinking is all about plus what you n your parents need to do
my heart breaks when i think if my daughter could not come to me
yes i would be upset at first but i would get past that real quick n know i had to stand beside her n help her get thru whatever she needed
i also have to say i dont think that i would not know what cait was doing n alarm bells go off if i think she is in trouble
your mom n dad might know but not know how to help or they feel guilty about it /sad too
caits dad died from cirrossis of liver n she knows my views on alcohol
stil to this day i dont let it in house
i have lost so many to this horrible dd please please find an adult to help you get this off your back n let your parents in
even if you think these lil doubts
BEING HERE posting is telling us you want help honey
plan something non drinking for wknds you sound very mature for age so know this
there are so many succeessful non drinking alcoholics out there that can help you
ONE DAY AT A TIME
HUGGS
LYN

Elicia,
I'm glad you feel supported here. I think that is really a wonderful aspect of HW.

I know I am repeating myself, but I have to say it again. Quitting drinking is not just about wanting to & having the willpower to quit. It is about getting support & setting yourself up for success.

Think of it this way. Imagine your friend really wanted to get an A on her English test. She wanted it more than anything. She knew getting an A would feel really good & would make her & her parents proud of her. She realized that in order to get an A she would need to pay attention in class & study. So she tried to study, but every time she would try to sit down & study her brother would start playing his music really loud, her neighbor's dog would start barking, her mom would ask her to help with chores around the house & her little sister would tug on her sleeve and ask her to come play. To make things worse, she didn't have her own bedroom or any privacy, she had no school supplies, no computer & no phone to call her friends for help. To top things off, her English book & her notebook with all her notes in it were taken by a bully.

Do you think she could still get an A on the test?

I suppose there's a slim chance she could get lucky, but I really think she wouldn't do well at all. It's the same type of situation with you & drinking. You want to stop drinking, you're trying, but everything around you is setting you up for failure.

So what would you recommend to that imaginary friend?

She's not going to be able to solve a lot of those problems without help from other people. She can probably get a new English book from her teacher. She could try asking a smart classmate for a copy of her notes. Her principal might be able to get her some school supplies if her family can't afford them. And she could ask her mom if she can go to the library or somewhere quiet so she can focus on her studying.

Maybe you figured out an even better solution than that, but I bet it still involves getting help from other people. The same thing is true with drinking. Getting help from your parents & professional treatment specialists sets you up with the tools you need to be successful. It is like having the textbook & school supplies to study. Then you surround yourself with supportive friends who don't drink around you (or maybe who don't drink at all). Yes, they might be nice people you hang around with, but just like a study group filled with people who are serious about preparing for a test is likely to be more helpful than a study group of people who spend the whole time joking around with each other, spending most of your time with a group of people who mostly don't drink around you is likely to help you be successful in your goal to stop drinking. Then, after you've done everything possible to set yourself up for success, there is still some work that you need to do. Just like with studying where you could have books, a computer, school supplies & a group of smart friends to study with, but still decide not to put in the effort and end up failing the test, you could do everything to set yourself up for success but if you still choose to drink in spite of all those things, you will have to face the negative consequences.

But it is a lot easier to be successful if you have everything going for you. You still need to work at it, but it isn't such an impossible task anymore.

I really hope that helps. If you don't reach out for help, you are setting yourself up for failure. It really is. I wish it were different. I wish people could just stop drinking because they want to. But it just doesn't work like that. People (even adults) need help from their families, specialists & good friends in order to be successful. And the sooner they ask for help, the easier it is to quit. Sadly, a lot of people think that it is something they can do on their own & things just keep getting worse & worse & worse. And at a certain point it is too late for them to get help.

I have tried so hard to be positive & I still want to be positive because there is a lot to look forward to in your life if you do get help. But please don't wait. I lost a very good friend of mine in high school because he thought he could control things that were out of his control. He died of liver failure. He was an absolutely brilliant person & he actually composed music starting in 9th grade that was published. He was so smart & so sweet. But his dad was very strict about things & he was too scared & ashamed to talk to his parents for years. By the time he finally told his mom & asked for help, the only thing they could do was put him on the transplant list. He died before receiving a new liver. If he would have just told his parents a couple years earlier, the damage would have been reversible. Would his parents have been mad? Probably they would have been really mad & grounded him for months. But the thing is, they didn't even have a chance to do that because they were too sad about hearing that their son had only 3-5 years left to live. He made it 3 years, but never returned to school, didn't get to enjoy dances or driver's ed or playing in the orchestra or hanging out at restaurants until nearly midnight. He was sick & it sucked because all he could talk about was how much he regretted not asking for help sooner.

And I promise not to post any more depressing stories like that because I know you already know the dangers of drinking (esp. when combined with high amounts of caffeine). But it just breaks my heart to think that someone else's friends & family would have to go through that just because you wait to ask for help. You know you want to quit drinking. And the ONLY way to successfully do that is with support.

Really, truly, 8th grade is a great year, but high school is so much more fun. And if you don't have the drinking to worry about, that means you are set up for the best 4 years of your life... going to games, joining clubs, learning to drive, staying out late, dances, dating ... so many wonderful things & you have the choice to enjoy all of them if you just make this one choice to get help now. To talk to your parents. To change your life. To give yourself another 60 years to spend going to college, finding a great job, getting married, having kids, or whatever it is that you want to do.

And if there's anything we can do to support you, feel free to post that. ;)

take care,
frances