Seemingly random outbursts of intense irritability, need advice.

Hi!

I have a problem. I'm female and in a loving relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years, give or take. We've been living together for more than that as friends. I love him to pieces but I have a problem that is making him feel bad and I don't know what to say to him. In short, I am just like my mother in that I MUST MUST MUST have "alone time". I have to have periods of solitude every day. Well, he lost his job back in February and he is naturally a homebody with just a couple good friends to visit that live about 10 mins away. He is home all day long, for most days and it is driving me absolutely insane. I don't get my solitude and that is a very bad thing. When I don't get it, I become irrational and extremely irritable and at times inconsolably angry. He doesn't deserve that and he should have the freedom to be at home with me when he wants. Just today, I started feeling "my bubble" caving in on me as he kept following me from room to room just wanting to be close. I felt like a snake about to strike. I wanted him as far away from me as possible. It doesn't help that he can't understand my needs very well. He's never felt that way and is used to living in close quarters with other humans and I definitely AM NOT. It also doesn't help that I live in kind of a cramped part of town full of apartments and humans meandering about. I despise living so closely to other people who I don't know, which adds to my problem. I'm trying really hard not to mess this up. He seems to take my aggression rather well but he shouldn't have to.

How do I cope with living in conditions that cause me so much cognitive dissonance? I seriously need some advice.

Thanks for the reply! I will implement those coping mechanisms. My boyfriend is a jewel but I think that the concept of solitude escapes him. I encouraged him to go to the next town and see his friends today so that I could bask in this beautiful silence.

I'm starting to wonder if my need for solitude isn't necessarily the thing that causes me to lash out. As I sit in my apartment, if I see someone pass by my window, I will catch myself thinking "nasty human" or somesuch negative comment. I don't even know them, they're just in my space, invading my window view with their presence and ultimately putting me into a kind of defense mode. I'm extremely territorial and I feel like I need a place outdoors that I can call solely mine, where no one can see me. My fantasy (escapism) is living in a rural setting surrounded by 80+ acres of land, nestled in thick forest. When I go there in my mind, I feel relieved. I'm well overweight yet I climbed a mountain one day just to escape from humans only to be disappointed that there were humans there, too! I know that no matter where I go, humans will be there, invading my space and leaving me irritated and aggressive by their mere presence. I've yet to understand why I've become so defensive of my territory. The only thing I can come up with is that I can't tolerate small talk, I hate fickle drama and I despise being dragged into other people's messes simply because "we're friends". Many of my past friendships have ended on quite sour notes because of my inability to tolerate their infidelities in their own personal lives. I can't just like someone because they're fun to talk to while overlooking their hurtful-to-others behavior. I see people eating themselves (figuratively) and those who care to come close enough and I like to avoid that. It all comes down to trust and I trust two people. I feel like I'm just waiting for the next person to come along and cause a big mutual fuss. I'm always on the lookout, probably unconsciously thinking "are you here to hurt me?". What is this called? It's hard to analyse oneself for not being able to see the forest for all the lovely trees.

I think there is something to "a room of one's own," but yet I am sure you can hear the irrationality of calling someone a nasty human being (even if it is just in your mind) just because they passed by your window.