hi.

Hi. I'm Rosie.

I'm here mostly because I can't afford to pay for counseling. I hope being here will hold me over until I can. If I ever can. I don't think support here is worth less than support from a psych or anything, I just feel kind of guilty about dumping all this on other people. I can justify it if I'm paying.

I don't know if I belong here. I feel like my problems are kind of stupid. There are a lot of people here that are really brave and honest and survived sexual assault or horrible diseases like cancer or something else like that. I'm just kind of a quiet failure at life. I try to do good. It just doesn't work.

I have a college degree. It's pretty worthless. I owe a lot of money on it that I can't pay because I can't find enough work. I had a job stocking shelves at a store that I just had to quit. They put me on an early morning shift even though I told them I couldn't do it. I wasn't sleeping or eating on that schedule, and it was wrecking my body. They had no other place they could move me to. It was either quit or get fired when I slept through too many shifts or got exhausted and nodded off and broke something really expensive.

I have a really good friend who also has mental health issues. He helped me, and I helped him. I felt like I made a difference. Then he got a crazy girlfriend. She thinks everyone's out to wreck her life, and won't believe I'm not trying to steal her boyfriend. I tried to do what all those domestic abuse things say for when someone you love is in an abusive relationship, and keep up some kind of ordinary/harmless contact like birthday cards or whatever. I don't think it's working. The person I lean on most is going away and I can't stop it. I can't even tell him how I feel about that, I don't want to make him feel like it's all his fault.

I have enough money to pay rent for one more month. I don't know what to do after that. There aren't any jobs around here. I don't have any family I can go to. I don't even have much stuff I can sell.

I just want to go to bed and stay there forever. Life hurts and I don't know how to make it stop hurting. If I starved to death under the blankets, I don't think anyone would notice. Maybe my roommates, if I'm dead I can't clean the bathroom. It would take them a while. I haven't been able to make myself clean anything lately anyways.

Hi Rosie

Please don't feel you are stupid and don't belong,like Gettingby said everyone is here to listen to you and help where possible. I was feeling like that myself last week, but after some convincing from some beautiful new friends on this site, I decided to keep posting. You should take Gettingby's advice and contact the Human Services, they will help you.

Is it possible to move from that place and go somewhere where it is more affordable, more jobs and better prospects? Don't worry too much about your friend's crazy girlfriend, talk to him and tell him what is going on with her being jealous, he knows you and he will know you're not jealous. Tell him how you feel about him going away, he won't think you're blaming him. You are keeping too much bottled up inside and you need to tell him.

I don't think any college degree would be useless, surely there must be employment agencies that you could go to, like I said maybe somewhere different, especially if your friend is leaving maybe you should think about it also.

There is something much better for you out there, you just have to pick youself up, dust yourself off and go get it.

Please keep in contact with us and let us know what you decide to do.