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Posted 5/23/2010 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, This is Aurora. There are many new people here and I know you don't know me. I still see Karen and Jamiee who have helped me a lot. I am very, very depressed. I haven't written for a long time as I was recovering from major colon surgery. I am recovered although it seems to be a new me, not much energy and tire easily. My son who has lived with me always is going away this summer and then will get his own apt when he returns from the program he will attend. He is going to a program that teaches young adults to learn to live independently. He has no independent skills and this program will teach him everything from grocery shopping. cooking, balancing a check book, paying bills. socialization and confidence building. He has always lived with me because he has epilepsy and he was afraid to be alone. His dad and I are getting older and we want him to be able to live on his own as we won't be around forever and we don't want to leave him without knowing how to deal with life by himself. He does work and drives and can do many things but he lacks confidence and self esteem. This is an excellent program but he is scared to go. We are working with a consultant and everyone has assured him he will be fine and I am sure he will. I am afraid however for myself. I have been divorced for many years but always had my 2 sons at home and had my mother with us for 10 years. I have been alone on some weekends but that is all. I am scared to be alone in the house. I am hoping to sell my house and get a small condo but the houseing market is so bad I can't even consider putting the house for sale until next year. What worries me the most is being alone at night with no one to talk to. I have friends to go out with ocassionaly and talk on the phone but you can't just call someone at 10 PM because you are lonely. And I won't have anyone to cook dinner for. I can't be out every minute of the day and I dread being home and feeling so lonely. I am going to a few classes but it doesn't solve the problem of being so alone most of the time. Friends say I will get used to it but right now I feel very down and afraid. Well, this is getting long but I just wanted to come back to the forum and hope for some support and advise. Thanks for listening.

Aurora

Posted 5/23/2010 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora!
Good to hear from you. I'm glad to hear your son has this opportunity to transition to independent living. It sounds like a great program.

I can certainly relate to the lousy housing market right now. Have you thought about taking on a boarder? I'm not sure where you live, but in a lot of areas there are college students, young professionals or young married couples who rent rooms from homeowners. I've had a few friends who did that -- especially guy friends who couldn't cook to save their lives, but a few female friends as well. You can discriminate by gender. You can't discriminate by age (except for "senior living" if you're looking for someone 55 or over), but you can advertise at schools or say you are looking for a college student or college grad & often that will get younger people in. Conversely, if you're looking for someone middle-aged, try advertising at the grocery store, library or such.

You do have to be careful call prior landlords, check employment & run a credit check, but having a board-er can be very rewarding. It can give you a way to spend your days plus provide some extra income (& who doesn't need a little extra money these days?). I've found places through Craig's List (though ultimately I decided I like to cook too much to give that up) & I've rented rooms (no board) through the website as well. Maybe something to consider. You can even do it month-to-month so that if it doesn't work out you can kick the person to the curb with only a few weeks notice.

I think you will eventually get used to it -- and probably will eventually really enjoy the freedom -- but maybe some kind of "transitional" situation of your own could be beneficial in the meantime.

Keep hanging in there. You are such an inspiration to us all.

hugs,
frances
Posted 5/24/2010 10:10 AM (GMT 0)
AURORA!!! i send healing prayers your way. your son will do excellent in this program. you are an exceptional mother and person. adjustment can be tough, but you will get there. my e-mail is always open to you. glad that you have posted. hang in there, here for you. jamie.
Posted 5/24/2010 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much Frances, Jamiee and Siobahn for your kind words of support. I think my problem right now is that I am still looking at my son leaving and projecting that I will be feeling bad. I need to learn to live in the present and take each day as is comes. My younger son called about dinner time last night and said he was alone in his condo, his roommate was away and no friends were around. He asked if he could come over for dinner and hang out with us because he was so lonely. So he knows what I will be going through this summer and how I will adjust. I have thought of a boarder but it can be really tricky here, not sure if it is that safe and it might be harder for me to adjust to a stranger in the house. The classes I am going to take are on meditation and staying health, sleep problems and learning how to cope with difficult times. They are 1 session seminars but there are about 6 of them so that is a start. I will continue to look for other things to do. I do have girlfriends to go out with sometimes but we are all in the same boat as far as finances. We choose inexpensive places or free places to go so that helps. But several of my friends are married and can't do anything at night when I most want to be out. I am going to start seeing my therapist more to get help. I will keep you informed and hope I will hear from everyone again as your replies encourage me and help me to feel cared about. I can't thank you all enough.

Aurora

Posted 5/24/2010 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora,

I am so happy to see you posting. But sorry about your circumstances. Though I think it is wonderful that your son is preparing for independant living.

I think you will enjoy the meditation. I practice it and it really helps to ground me. And to relax. And the other things that you are going to do are wonderful.

I think you will adjust to your son being gone, it just takes time. Just remember the ultimate reason for all this and I think that will help you. Helping him to become independant is a wonderful thing.

You have gotten some very good advice from the other members. The only thing that I want to add, is stay in the moment. Try not to worry about the future and take life one day at a time. I know that you are already practicing this, just want to encourage you to do so.

With this being said, I hope that you are having a wonderful day today. It is so hot here that I can't stand it, thank God for air conditioning. But I hate being cooped up in the house all day. Maybe a good day to go to the lake or something like that.

Take care my friend. So happy that you are back. Keep the faith my dear.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/24/2010 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Karen, Thank you so much for your very comforting reply. I know I will be OK if I do as you suggest and just take one day as it comes. If the housing market weren't so bad I would be out of here in a minute. I am hoping to go to a very nice retirement community. Only thing is I think I can only afford a 1 bedroom apt. which is about 620 square ft, very small. But it is only me. And they give you 2 meals a day included in the price, plus weekly houskeeping, activities and transportation to various places like the grocery or pharmacy. And they have a Dr. on duty. So I am saying my prayers that I will sell my house next spring and be able to move to this wonderful community. Then I would have people to eat my dinner with and participate in activities and when I want to be alone I just go to my apt. I am so hopeful this will work! I went today and signed up for 5 classes. They are just one time seminars but I may find other activities there too. In the meantime I am still volunteering at my Senior center and do see some friends when we can get together. So as I write this things don't seem so bad, I am just afraid of the unknown. It was great to hear from you, Karen, and let's keep in touch.

Many hugs,

Aurora

Posted 5/24/2010 9:45 PM (GMT 0)
Aurora,

Your idea sounds fantastic! I truly hope that it all works out for you. Like you said about the housing situation as they aren't selling so good right now. But I think things are going to get better and that money will start circulating again. Amongst the people that is. I hope.

You sound really good and I am so happy for you. I am very hot right now. It is in the 90's here today. I don't know what is up with this weather. We had a really early spring and everything is ahead of schedule.

I have a new puppy. A german shepherd. She is a handful, but I love her. Her name is Jasmine. She is black and red. Some tan too. She has been keeping me really busy as she is a 24/7 job. lol...

I hope that you continue to have a lovely day. Take care.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/25/2010 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora, I remember you from last year giving me words of encouragement during my hard time. I hope you are doing better today and I will keep you in my prayers.
Posted 5/25/2010 11:45 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your wonderful replies. I am feeling better about things and taking a more positive attitude which does help.  Karen, how sweet to have a new puppy! I know it is a real job raising a puppy as I have done so many times but oh so worth it. I know what you mean about the heat. If I remember you are in the Midwest too like me and boy is it hot. Thank heavens for the AC. Siobahn, I do remember you from the asthma forum.  You  were very helpful to me. I am doing quite well with my asthma so far this year although it is getting to be the season when things get dicey. Just saw my PCP today and she gave me a ventolin inhaler for rescue. I notice that is one you also take. They gave me that kind when I was in the hospital for my surgery. The nurses and all the drs. that were coming in my room really stressed me and I was having a lot of asthma attacks. But I am on symbicort all the time now and switching to ventolin from proair will be good as it has a counter.

Hi Blueboy. Thank you for your prayers. I will in turn keep you in mine. I am so glad I was able to help you in some way when you were having a rough time. I guess we have to realize life has its ups and downs and learn to accept it. I am good today but hope I can continue to stay positive. Thank you everyone who answered me. I will keep  posting and hope to hear from you again.

Many hugs,

Aurora

Posted 5/26/2010 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

-JAMIE.

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