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Posted 5/24/2010 9:12 PM (GMT 0)
hey, i'm tabitha, i'm only 13. i know if you hear that you'll probably think i'm just some stupid little kid who doesn't know what she's talking about, but i really feel like i've been through way to much already. here's my story guys..
well last july i started talking to this guy. i never even met him until december, keep that in mind. but anyway, we started talking through myspace. he's a grade ahead of me. he went to the same school district, but a different middle school. well me and this guy really got to know each other, and i really liked him. but through august we just stopped talking. but when school started, in early-mid september, we started talking again. alot. i really started liking him, but like i said i never met him. but i trusted him with EVERYTHING. i told him every problem i had, and he told me everything. we got REALLY close from sep.-nov. and from my point of view, i thought i was in love with him. we were so close. but we had never even met. when ever we fought, i would take it so hard. he really became a huge part of my life. he was all i thought about. i didn't want anyone but him. he made my life perfect. and i thought he felt the exact same. but one december day, i was at the mall with my friend, and i ran into him there. it was the best day of my life. i couldn't believe it. and from that exact moment i saw, i knew i loved him. i have never felt like this, ever before. i would do anything in the entire world for him. but about a week after i met him, he told me he was moving to a different part of the state. i thought he was joking. i could not believe it. i was shocked. i took that so hard. he told me that i would have to move on, and that he knew he would meet another girl, and that i would find another guy. and that i would just have to get over him. he also told me he wanted me to be his bestfriend. i mean, thats not a bad thing, i just knew i would NEVER be able to get over him. and ever since that day he moved, i haven't been over him. then, in early january, he sent me pictures (which i didn't even ask for) and my dad found out. his mom blocked my number from his phone. i am no longer allowed to talk to him. but we still do on myspace and facebook. but thats it. ever since then, everything has been so much different. and to this day, i can still tell you, i do love him. i feel like i've been depressed since december, since he moved, and since the picture thing. he's dated other girls, i honestly think he doesn't care about me anymore. he told me he's over me. i just can't seem to move on. he's always had a place in my heart. i would do anything in the world to have him again. he was my bestfriend, and i swear i love him..i just can't take this anymore. i've tried to get over him. i've tried dating other guys, i've tried writing, talking to my friends, but nothing seems to work. i don't think i can be happy if i don't have him in my life. i haven't been truly happy since all of this happened. something has just been missing, an empty feeling in my stomach all the time. half of the time when i try to talk to him, or when i say 'i really do love you' he says shutup. he doesn't believe me..i don't understand why i have to be put through all of this. i've asked god so many times, i really have thought about if anyone would care if i was dead. i don't think anyone would care. i just want all of this to be over. he's changed my life so much and he doesn't understand how much i love him. i always have loved him. he doesn't understand that i'm not over him. he doesn't understand that i've so much, because i miss him so much. i'm lost without him here, in my life. i don't know what to do anymore. nothing ever seems to work. i love him, i really truly do. so much. can someone help please

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/24/2010 3:56:03 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/24/2010 10:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Tabitha and welcome to the forums. I can almost assure you that no one here will discount you as a "stupid little kid", I know when I was your age I was most certainly not that young in my mind. I am a notorious huge poster so I am going to try to keep this shortish.

I would suggest that one thing to consider or possibly concern yourself with is the fact that he seems to be not taking it nearly as seriously as you are. That does not always mean to cut it off there or anything like that, but just possibly try to take a step back and a real deep breath. I have loved two women in my life and in both situations we were not able to be together...its hard, real hard, and it never totally goes away, but I can handle myself better and better each day.

The first, being the first love of my life, was just a wild giddy sort of love. We never were very physical, but to this day if I think about her I get that feeling of your stomach doing backflips. Due to a horrible drama situation with another guy in our group of friends she decided to stop things because it was tearing people apart. Now...I love this girl, I am thinking in my head that I could and would do anything, could do any job, whatever was necessary to support her. I would have loved her truly and forever...but she was honestly telling me that she would rather not have a relationship and keep our group of friends from breaking up. It was one of the hardest things I've done and it was torn up for months....but I think that is the true essence of love, that it goes so far that if the person you feel it for was to truly not want a relationship...you'd HAVE to understand...you can't force love otherwise it ceases to be love entirely, was never real from the beginning.

The second girl was one, coincidentally enough, that I met online. It was literally the most amazing experience of my life. She contacted me on myspace out of the blue, and as I read through her page I was baffled by what I was reading. I really literally thought that one of my close buddies made a fake myspace of my dream girl and was messing with me. Indeed it was not a fake, we had hours and hours of conversation each and every night for over a month. I have never in my life met someone who made me feel the opposite of misunderstood, but she surly did. I had never met someone that saw things the same as I until I met her. It was also the same for her, misunderstood, craving connection, understanding, a mind with something in common. I truly believe to this day that she is my soul mate and that there is only one...yet right now I am consigned to be without that which I desire most, connection to the only individual in the world that has TRULY understood my mind, my feelings....me. I am 24 and she is 19 and still living at home. We were talking all night, every night, so her parents got interested and worried about how much of herself she was investing in someone online. They basically forbade her from continuing contact with me and deleted her myspace. I will most likely never find someone. I hope with all my heart otherwise...but everything in my head is pointing towards never.

You need to pause a moment and reexamine the whole situation from top to bottom, your feelings, his feelings, what has transpired as of yet, and try to move in a positive direction. You can find a way though this, there is no point in giving up, I've have innumerable chances to quit, and many where I wanted to...but there is always a point to push forward...if you don't like where you are right now and the feelings involved, the way to fix it is to move forward in whichever direction seems the best.
Posted 5/24/2010 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tabitha,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am so glad that you have joined us. First of all we are not allowed to talk about self harm on the forum, so I had to delete that out of your post. Please do understand, maybe you should read the rules and regulations of the forum when you get a chance to.

I guess that you are going to have to face the fact that this boy doesn't want to have a relationship with you and move on. Otherwise you are going to continue to be stuck in the same emotional pattern. Like you said in your post "I'm only 13". You are so young, and you will meet another boy that you care about and he will care about you too. This guy is making it crystal clear that he wants you to move on. If you care about him at all, you should do that and maybe you will be able to save a friendship. If you really do love him as you say that you do, you will let him get on with his life too, that is what is going to make him happy. And if you love somebody, you want them to be happy. Even if it doesn't make you happy. And I know that makes you feel sad. But you will get use to this. You may have many relationships in your life. And something new could be just around the corner.

I sure do hope that you feel better. Know that eveybody here does care about you. I hope that you talk to somebody about your self harm. Nobody is worth doing that. So please do stop. And please do talk to a counselor about it.

Hugs, Karen

Here are a couple of sites for teens that you might want to check out Tabitha:

http://www.teenhut.com

http://www.teencentral.com

http://nineline.org/

Posted 5/25/2010 6:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Tabitha

I know that you think that you really truly loved this boy, at 13 it does feel like that, I can remember it happened to me and everyone thought I was stupid and my family made fun of me because I thought I was in love. You know you will have many many boyfriends before the right one comes along and when he does come along you will know that what you felt at 13 and was so sure it was love isn't the same thing.

Just have fun with your friends, enjoy your summer vacation and when you go back to school, things will seem a whole lot different, don't try to grow up too soon, age will find you soon enough.
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