Mid life crisis???

Helle Everyone

I need some serious advice. Any help is appreciated. I'm not too sure if I'm having a midlife crisis, I'm very depressed or both?

Before the last year or nine months I was a happy go lucky guy and very optimistic person. Here's a quick recap of the events from the last year. I was in a long term relationship looking forward to getting married and having children with the women I loved. Which is all I ever wanted out of life, my only dream. We decided to buy a house so I made the appropriate sacrafices sold the necessary items and went into debt. We got the house and 30 days after closing she broke up with me. The house is a half mile from my parents house who are now in declining age and health. So, I now or feel very responsible for them especially since my father can barely see. I now can no longer afford the house which I don't need and can't sell and might have to file bankruptcy. I have no savings with nothing left to sell. I'm actually worth more dead than alive. All this happened a little before and after my 40th birthday. So I lost the women I loved, probably going to file bankruptcy, feel like I'm now responsible for my parents and just turned 40. I feel like I'm going to have an emotional and mental breakdown. I'm having a hard time holding everything together.

Thank you for your time

Wow. I'm so sorry to hear. I have an idea as to how you are feeling. I just turned 39, hubby and I are both on disability. Finally got financing for a house. Small house, but would have been ours. Unfortunately the builder was bad news so we had to walk away. We're still trying to get our deposit back. Our health has suffered from the stress and from living in a toxic loud rental we both hate while we wait for a way out of all this.

We have been waiting to have the stability necessary to have kids - housing and health wise. My biggest dream/wish is to be a mom. Now it feels like yet another huge setback after years of struggle and investing so much in trying to regain our health etc. since the house thing fell through. I'm not getting any younger, but I still hold to the hope that we will somehow gain back our health and stability enough to start a family. If I'm not giving up, then neither should you, kay?

I just get by by taking it one day at a time. And understanding that there is still a future to hope for, even if right now sucks in every way I can think of at times. Try not to focus on how things look right now, or to take on everything at once. That's when the depression and overwhelm come along. Just do what you can, and know that one step at a time you will get through this and you will rebuild your life.

I have felt the same as you describe at times - like I was so close to a mental/emotional break down. What got me through was my faith. Even if you don't believe in God, you can still recognize that life ebbs and flows, and things will be okay again. And realize that human beings are AMAZING creations - we have a huge capacity to survive and bounce back. So try not to listen to the thoughts that tell you you're gonna lose it. You are stronger than that. But let me say, it's okay to have a good cry! And try exercising to get some of the pain out. I ride my bike a lot when it all piles up and it helps. Or I scrub floors/clean house like mad! :0)

It will get easier as time goes by. Right now, you've been through something heartbreaking and so much invested in it. But even though it feels like the end of the world, it isn't. There is still hope. Don't give up.

Post here all you need. There are wonderful people in this forum who will be here for you.

embers

Hi there,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I am so sorry for your situation. But as was advised above, you might want to check out counseling, it would help you get your thoughts in order and give you some support.

We at HealingWell are here for you to and plan to support you through this difficult time.

Keep posting and let us know how you are diong.

Hugs, Karen

Hi DoIcaretoomuch,

I see your question is with your name. I tend to think that a lot of depressed people do care too much. And don't think enough of themselves. It is not selfish to care about oneself. In fact we have to think of ourselves first in order to have the strength to care about others. You might want to look into volunteering somewhere where you can help others. Or even a real paying job. I think it would be gratifying for you. It is something to think about anyway.

I am glad that you are feeling better and most certainly you can keep on posting. We would truly love that. Take care, have a good day!!!

Hugs, Karen