depression for years - new here

Hi everyone,

I'm myjoy - a funny name for a depressed person, but I try to find joy in all things. I usually hang out in the fibro area, but it was suggested to me, by getting by, that I check out this forum also. I have been lurking around here for the past few days, and it looks to me like you are all very supportive of each other. Guess I would like to join in the group.

A little about my situation - I started with a bad case of religious OCD when I was 23. I was so bad off with depression and anxiety that I was hospitalized at a university hospital for 6 weeks. I was pregnant with my 2nd child at the time, so all they could do was give me shock (ECT) treatments. No meds. Since I had a very abusive childhood, the doctors focused on that, so I went on like this for 8yrs, until I was finally diagnosed properly and got the therapy I needed from an expert in OCD. He said mine was one of worst cases he had ever seen. During those 8yrs, I was hopitalized several times.

I did well on therapy, though it was very difficult to do. Now I barely think about the OCD thoughts. But.....I never have seemed to get over the depression from that event. I am now 47, and have been hospitalized many times over for depression. I just got out of the hospital 2 weeks ago with another bout of this nasty thing. The things that can set off my depression may seem silly to some, but it usually has to do with a perceived problem that I may have with a friend or family member. Most usually friends, as I have a good supportive husband, and my adult married kids have come to terms with my disorders. It was hard for them to grow up with a mom who very often was in the hospital when they came home from school. It was scary for them, and it affected them.

Anyway, I get a horrible feeling that I've done something wrong in a friendship, and it sticks in my head, and I go into a dark abyss within a couple of days. And there is no coming out of it until I get intense treatment at a hospital. I am on several meds, as you can see from my signature. I have off and on gone to counselors for 25yrs. I am seeing a new one now. I like him - he's been around a while and seems to understand my condition. I also have fibromyalgia, so I am in pain everyday, and always tired. I am unable to work since I got fibro in 2007 (trying to get SSD), although I used to work on and off between hospitalizations. Often something would happen at work, and I would end up in the hospital from the stress.

Well, that's my story. Sorry it's kinda long. I guess I just need folks who understand depression. I hope with all my years of suffering with this, I can be of help to others here as well. Thanks for listening.

myjoy

Thanks, Siobhan, for your kind words. I appreciate it very much. Don't feel bad about not having much advice for me - I've had 12 psychiatrists in 25yrs....they are still trying to figure me out. You seem very grown up for 19.

I don't meditate, but I pray. That helps me very much. Good suggestions about going to a spa. I've always been afraid to do that. Don't know why, really.

I am on meds for my fibro. I think I'm about as good as I can be in that area. Some things just can't be done for it.

Look forward to getting to know you.

jamie says hi and welcome. me, 20 plus yrs depressed. a survivor of a sequale of abuse. 28 admissions, 6 private, and these were 3 plus months each. been dx -in the past, with clinical depression, chronic depression, ptsd, mania-aggitated, schizo-affective disorder-around 4 yrs, then schizophrenia until i was finally dx with severe borderline personality disorder. yeah, family breakdown, been homeless, 2 and a half yrs........etc. currently dx, mdd and severe borderline personality disorder. had 6 courses of ECT in 04 and stayed in an inpatient psycho-social program for people with sbpd. (6 months) myjoy, you are not alone, and i alike the rest of the hw family are here for you. we are all different, and yet the same.  in 4 months i am 38, feel like 75!! well, i am up, it is the we hrs, sadly i live with severe insomnia.

thank-you for sharing, and for coming here for support. i look forward to sharing with you. healing compassion 2 you.

jamie. male, 37 yrs.

Siobhan, I'll start saving up some dollars for a day at the spa. You're getting me excited about it. I go to a doctor-run wellness program once a week to lose weight. I know they have a spa at the place also. Hope you get your degree. Sounds like an exciting career.

here for you as well smoonkins. you have been brave in posting as well. healing prayers to you. jamie.