HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Can't let him shove me back in the black pit !

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 7/4/2010 12:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,
I really dunno if I'm any better than I was when I first posted on here but healing well has helped me in alot of ways one of which is making me know that I'm not alone, and there are people from all over the earth who genuinely care unlike many who stay with us yes turn a blind eye and a deaf ear.
Coming to the point of my post.... I have somewhere realised that though medical tests have given results that I suffer from depression I feel it's being ignored. And how much ever I try to work on it, it's feeling impossible to deal with it alone.
I have nights of frenzy and fear where I cry and I can't sleep and I have none to help me. My boyfriend wouldn't even accept that I suffer from it,saying that he doesn't want me to be weak and says really mean things about it. He takes it upon his ego saying why can't I be happy with him, if I would be I wouldn't feel depressed. How do I tell him that not only him but at times small unimportant things trigger of my negative side,make me dark and lonely.
He has again started treating me like his property,he yells and curses and later accuses me of being ignorant to his troubles. I make sure my depression never comes in front of him and I give him all the love and support I cam even if inside of me is yelling for his comforting words, which somehow never come out !
He wants me to make a career and go out there and be something I respect him for it, but at this point I need his support and love which I'm unable to get out of him.
I try switching off from him but that just isn't even noticed or worse becomes a source for his anger saying I'm throwing tantrums and not being supportive of his job and responsibilities.
I just see myself giving and acc to him he thinks he is the one who keeps giving.
It's adding to my negativity. I love him and want to be able to support him but I too need him to do his bit for me.
We were best friends for 6 years and today we fight basically he fights and I'm quite more caz I can't answer himback for petty reasons.
I have just been out of a psychologically damaging relationship which was the reason for my first depression phase. I don't want to let this guy mess with my head even though I love him I want to be able to handle myself and him. It's scaring me to think of being back to those times during my depression where I couldn't consume food and have dreadful dreams.
Posted 7/4/2010 3:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Annie,

Do you think maybe you should take a break from him? Don't call him for a while and see what happens. He seems to be mean to you and you don't deserve that. You are not his mother. And this should be a two way street. I would give him a break and see what happens.

I hope that this helps some. You don't deserve to be treated the way that you are. You are a wonderful person and deserve respect. When he gets that way, hang up the phone. But first tell him you don't want to be talked to in this mannor anymore and you wont take it.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/4/2010 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
Annie...You are no the wy to going from one emotinally abive rearionahip to another. I don't care what a woman says ro does, she Does not deserve to be verbally attacked and made to feel bad about herselfr. I agree with getting by... you guys need a break from each other. You need to do some soul searching as to what you are willing to "take " from, a guy and where you draw the boundries. I am sure (at least pretty sure) you haven't at him down and nascially said this things can no longer be and if tyehy do persiste, you need to find the strenght to leave. All easy for me to write but I know mcuh harder for you to implement.. Take step one;;; put some distance between you. DN"T look at jis facebook seems he seems to be using it a maniuplate you. I mean reaay...how mature is that?

Oveall, remember you are a good person and you deseve good treament.
Posted 7/5/2010 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
HC-
I think you might be mixing Annie & Taryn together.

Annie,
Your situation is somewhat similar to Taryn's so you might try reading through her posts & responses. I would agree with Karen though that you might need to try separating for a short while from this guy & see how things go for you. If you find after a couple months that life was better with him, then you can always move back, but it sounds like he is not very supportive of you.

Are you on meds for depression? If so, I think you need to talk to your doc about the "nights of frenzy". That is not typical. People with depression do have trouble sleeping, but feeling frenzied is not typical. It may mean you need your meds adjusted. If you are not taking depression meds, I would suggest you see your primary care doctor first. It could well be primary depression, but there are a lot of medical conditions that can cause depression & in those cases the medical condition needs to be treated first. That will often resolve the depression but if not, treatment would them start for any residual depression.

Please do find a place to stay that doesn't involve another guy. I know that may be hard to hear. If you don't have any family or girlfriends you can stay with, please do call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE. They will find you a nice, clean, safe place to stay. If you have any children you can bring them with you. Many DV agencies now even have programs for the men (they meet in a separate location from the women) that help willing men to learn to become calmer, more supportive partners. I have heard of women who were able to successfully reconnect with men after completing the program who went on to live happy, healthy lives in loving, supportive relationships.

There is hope, but as long as you go on untreated it would be hard even if your bf was not verbally abusive. Adding the abuse is a recipe for a destructive relationship that is likely to get worse, not better. You are incredibly wise to recognize the similarities to your prior relationship. You know how the cycles work. Please take care of your self.

peace & caring wishes,
frances
Posted 7/5/2010 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,
Firstly thanks alot for your responses and concern.
I recently spoke with him regarding the issues,we get a communication gap at times due to the distance. And he confessed to being troubled regarding his work and family.I conveyed it to him that he cant abuse me for his probs once in a while its okay but it really makes me low.
As you all have suggested I'm going to try and switch off from him,I really can't leave the relationship as I have come to realize we both are equally or more so he is more dependant on me.
I have to come to realize that my last relation has somewhere messed me up alot and I really need help coming out of it. As I don't have support of my guy and my family for taking help,I plan to do it on my own. It isn't that easy though in our country to go through counselling etc without parents but I really dont see an option caz maybe my parents care,but they aren't ready to accept that I lose my stability and discard it as a tantrum.
I'm not on any medication as of now,however I was taking Lonazep until a month back,but I noticed that I would suffer memory loss,forget things I did after I would have taken the medicines.
Other than this my family,friends and my boyfriend are really protective and sometimes over protective of me seeing what I had come out of after my last relation and I continuously for their happiness try to show them I'm ok,but I know I'm not.
I'm really confused.
Posted 7/5/2010 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
Annie,

You will get there, think about the counseling that we talked about. And I agree that you should take a step back and see what happens. Things are gonig to get better, I promise you that.

Hugs, Karen
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply