HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

i feel lost.

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 7/11/2010 6:58 AM (GMT 0)
 

When i was little my biological father abused me. He pushed me down a

flight of stairs. It broke my nose and to this day i still have the dent.

It stopped for awhile only because my mom and i moved, but when i got older

i wanted to see him. Only the abuse got worse. i thought it was my

fault because i let my mom take me away. My mom had me go to therapy

, but it didnt help. i still had nightmares and i thought

cps was going to take me away. This all happened between the ages 2-12.

When my mom got married and we moved i thought it was over. i thought i

could finally move on. Lately i feel alone, sad, lost, empty.

I've tried to move on. My mom and stepfather think i'm happy.

So do my friends. I need someone i can talk to though. to let everything out.

I thought about going back to therapy again. Maybe it will help now that i'm

older (16) and know i wont be taken from my mom?

i dont know what to do anymore.....
Posted 7/11/2010 9:30 AM (GMT 0)
You have really had a tough time of it, alice. Being an abused child is very hard on us and changes who we are. The last time my father abused me, I was 17 years old.....so I understand your fears and sadness.

I would think you are right about getting some counseling again. You are 16, and will be able to learn things very well to help yourself get out of these sad feelings. None of that stuff from your childhood is your fault. You must start liking yourself. Tell yourself that in the mirror everyday. It seems weird at first.....but I didn't try it until I was about 43 years old, and it works. Say things like "you are a neat person" etc... I wish I would have done this at your age. I went a lot of years not liking myself for no reason.

Please keep coming here and talking. I'm so glad you made that step to speak with us.
Posted 7/11/2010 12:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Alice

Welcome to the Healing Well Depression Forum, you are amongst friends here.

I agree with Myjoy also, absolutely none of the abuse was your fault and please don't accept any blame for it. Going back to therapy would be very beneficial to you as you are now at least 4 years older and can probably understand more of what the therapist is trying to do to help you. I think that would be an excellent move on your part.

Maybe you should tell you mother how you are feeling, I think she should know how deeply the abuse has affected you, she obviously doesn't realise the extent it has had on you, can you talk to your mother? Does she go to therapy with you?

I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are going.
Posted 7/11/2010 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Alice,

You are now in Wonderland, so to speak.  I think coming here is going to be very good for you.  I hope that you continue. 

I agree with the others, that counseling can be good for you.  You can sort things out with a professional there, you can bare your soul and get everything out that is bothering you.  so go for it.  See what happens.

Keep posting.  I am so sorry about your childhood.  It must have been awful.  Know that you are a beautiful unique person and you deserve to be happy.

Take care my new friend.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 7/11/2010 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your support.
Harrington49, i haven't talked to my mom about it recently because she's been going through alot. She has a one year old daughter and runs a daycare. She is also recovering from kidney cancer. When i went to therapy when i was about 12 my mom was there with me. i'm worried about telling my mom i want to go back to therapy because we dont have the money right now and although my stepdad's mother is a therapist, i would feel uncomfortable talking to her.
Posted 7/11/2010 9:15 PM (GMT 0)
Alice,

There are programs to help people who are low income.  I am sure that you would fall into that category if you can't afford therapy.  I think that your mom would rather you get help than hide this from her.  And if you get help, you will be more equiped to help your mom. 

Here are some online sites that are free that might help you.

http://www.nineline.com

http://www.teencentral.com

http://www.teenhelp.com

I hope that these become useful to you.  By helping yourself now, you are helping your mom.  So I am so happy that you have joined us.  We can support you, but I think that also having extra support would be good.  You sound like a wonderful person.  Don't ever give up.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 7/12/2010 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Alice

You are such a special daughter to your mum, thinking of her financial situation, I think that is very mature of you. But I think you mum has to know about what you are going through sweetheart. I am sure she will be devastated if she found out by some other method, don't you? As Karen said there are programs that you can go to.

Please don't let it go, you are just as important to your mum as your little stepsister is, remember that. You're such a special girl.

Keep posting and let us know how you are going, remember we care about you.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply