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Posted 7/13/2010 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
so, my name is adam, im 16, had major chronic depression and social anxiety disorder since i was 5 years old. never got to be a nice happy kid, grew up alone, and its gotten to its absolute worst point (so far) this year, absolutely no friends, family is downstairs and yet refrains from talking to me, its even summer right now and ive been alone the whole time. im not a bad looking guy, 6 foot, work out daily, green eyes long brown hair yada yada yada so i think most of my problems lie in my brain. and i dont wanna live this way anymore, ive tried but like an idiot they never go through, been to rehab once. and it dawned on me that there is a crapload of train tracks in my area and . but naturally i have my doubts as all humans do. so this website is my last attempt at getting better.
thoughts? opinions? insults?

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/13/2010 3:04:06 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/13/2010 9:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Adam,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression Forum.  I am glad that you have joined us. 

I had to edit a lot out of your post as we are not allowed to discuss suicide, self harm or illegal drugs on this forum. 

I guess you probably expect me to tell you to get help for your depression and your amphetamine addiction.  And I am.  You are sixteen years old and you have a lot going on at this time.  You are young, I am sure that you have heard that a lot.  But you are at that age when you need to be thinking about the future and not death.  You sound intelligent enough to want to do something with your life.  And now is the time to start discovering what your interests are. 

I suggest you talking to a school counselor or a profesional mental health person.  Like a psychiatrist or a psychologist.  This is really important at this time. 

Please call somebody when you are feeling this way.  A crisis line though mental health would be a good place to start.  Life is too prescious.  You are young.  You do the math. 

I hope that you keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 7/13/2010 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
i failed out of school, so there arent any school counselors. psychiatrists and psychologists dont do much for me, they tell me what i already know. and as for the whole life thing, maybe some are important, but im not so sure mine is, its been evident throughout my life that people are happier when im not around. and im pretty screwed up in the head in all honesty, i seem consistently apathetic , or as happy as can be, and everyone has always told me i dont have a future, so i mean really, wouldnt matter too much if i was gone, ive always known that. and im very angry all the time, i hate it, but its constant

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/13/2010 6:49:04 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/14/2010 12:52 AM (GMT 0)
I am sure that there are a lot of people that could care less if I live or die, but I don't care.  I like myself and that is what matters.   It took years for me to like myself, but I knew that I had to do it.  Or else... 

I am sure that there is a counselor out there for you.  You have to meet them half way though.  If you don't, you are going to live the rest of your life in misery.  You wont like yourself and nobody else will be able to either, especially if you have anger issues. 

I wish that you knew that you are important.  You are a human being with feelings and you are worthy of love and support.  You will get that here.  There is a wonderful group of members here and we care about everybody.  So think about it.  You have taken a huge step just by posting so as far as I am concerned you are starting your healing journey now. 

Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 7/14/2010 7:15 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Adam

I would also like to welcome you the the HW Depression Forum.

Karen has given you some pretty good points in the right direction there. So you flunked out of school, so you aren't the first and won't be the last, but I think you have to adopt a better attitude and approach to your life. Have you thought about going to a different school and trying to start again? Or what about studying at night? If you don't, You'll look back one day with severe regret that you didn't do something when you were only 16.

Have you tried to talk to your family about the situation at home. You say they don't talk to you, but do you talk to them? It's a two way street you know. I think you have a lot of teenage angst in you and it comes across and I could be wrong, but it comes across as if you have a bit of smart alec attitude as well. I know you're only 16, but you need to change your attitude.

You said no psychiatrist and psychologist can help you, again that is your attitude shining through. If you want help, you have to reach out for it, I know you have come on here as a last resort, but I mean physically reach out. Drugs, alcohol and suicide aren't the answer and what is it going to achieve?

I think you need to have a rethink about things Adam, I hope you will take on board some of the advice that is given to you on here.
Posted 7/14/2010 9:02 AM (GMT 0)
its more complicated than thatm i just tried to briefly summarize the situation, and its not studying, i scored in the 95th percentile on an IQ test i was given by my psychologist (in other words im smarter than 95 percent of the people in my age group) i just cant do much in a school environment, i suppose thats due to social anxiety disorder.
as for the drugs and the alcohol, i always have that, when everybody else treats me like im worthless, i got that to go back to, ive tried anti depressants, its like taking a disgusting tasting placebo.
as for the suicide thing, its what i have left, your probably going to doubt that, and tell me i have so much ahead of me, but i really dont, im just a burden to everyone around me, infact im on here making you read my problems and crap when its just that MY problem, its pretty selfish of me if you think about it, so this is just an example of my burdenship on this earth, and for that i apologize.
Posted 7/14/2010 10:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Adam

Well you sound like a smart sort of a kid if you tried. I know school isn't for everyone but there are other means of studying, you can study on line if you want to these days. I just think you have completely thrown the towel in, you think you're a burden on everyone, but why do you think like that? Like I asked you before, have you tried to speak to your parents, do they even know about the drugs and alcohol and suicide thoughts?

I know you said you have had depression since you were 5 years old and also social anxiety, have your parents taken you for treatment in those 11 years? I am just trying to make you understand that if you don't do something with your life as regards education, especially when you have a gift like you do, then you're just throwing it all away.

If I were you, I would try and speak to your parents or maybe just one of them, ask them to take you to another psychiatrist and take it from there, he will make recommendations for you, you have to ask a lot of questions of him and reach out, try and help yourself and basically stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know you have issues, that I don't know about and probably wouldn't understand them anyway as I am not a trained medical professional, but try and overcome them, don't just think "Oh well I can go and get into the drugs or the booze or maybe just end it all", you're using that rubbish as a backstop.

What I'm trying to say to you Adam is, yes you have your whole life ahead of you, you are smart but don't give yourself enough credit for that, you sound like a real hunk, in your own words you said you were good looking and work out, and you're tall. So do something with all of that and make something of yourself.

I want you to keep posting and let me know what you have decided to do, and I hope the answer is, you are going to take some of our advice.
Posted 7/14/2010 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
well as for my parents, they just dont care, yeah ive tried talking to them, they just nod and continue with what theyre doing, my mom lives in riverside with my stepdad, and my dad spends all of his time with his girlfriend. only reason i went to rehab was because the school found out i tried to kill myself and they sent me there, rehab was pretty dumb, they had no idea what they were doing and i got out of there asap.
and i mean, hey drugs and other such substances may be bad for my system, but what do i got to lose? say i die, what then? who will care? i dont know anybody who would, and if i dont know them, then they dont know me, which means they could give a rats ass if im gone, billions of people on earth, who cares if 1 of em is gone? you may think about it for a day or so if you even find out which is doubtful, and even if you did, there'd be no reason to care, and thats the way im living right now
Posted 7/14/2010 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
hi adam , i have read yr post and i feel for you, u r only 16 yrs old and u feel like crap , i do feel u need to talk to someone who can help you , i understand u have tried many diff things but IT IS worth another go , please dont give up , i have suffered depression for 7 yrs now , life will always chuck rubbish at us but its how we deal with it that makes us who we are , u sound a lovely guy , please keep on posting

htd14
Posted 7/14/2010 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
Adam

Okay if you don't want to listen or take any advice then I'm done, sorry. You have a real "poor me" and "nobody cares" attitude. I can excuse you I suppose because you are only 16 but you have huge attitude problems with everyone.
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