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Wife is depressed

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Posted 7/14/2010 12:39 AM (GMT 0)
I love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with her.
She is ideal women for me.

Last 6 months she has been kind of depressed. She seems to get into her moods and ignores me and after few days is good again.

She has a dream of owning a house. I am reluctant to buy any of the places we have seen so far.
I have pushed her back and she believes I have destroyed her dream.

Today in email she indicated that she was very hurt that I did not want a house. I have hurt her a lot.
She wants some time and thinks she will be ok soon.

I am lost....
Posted 7/14/2010 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi AAA1974,

I am sorry that your wife wants space right now, but I guess you will have to give it to her.  Is it that you don't want any of the houses that you have looked at or is it not a financial attainable matter right now.  If not, you should make it clear to her.  Buying a house is a big decision.  It is a huge committment.  Maybe she doesn't understand that right now. 

I hope that you continue to post.  Other than the house situation, how is your relationship?  How are you feeling?  Is the depression getting too difficult to deal with?  Is she seeing anybody for her depression? 

Let us know.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 7/14/2010 1:16 AM (GMT 0)
I have given her many reasons on why a house it not right for us. Financially we can afford it, but I feel it is not correct to buy for us. She
thinks I am adamant (which I am).

I love her a lot, but last few months she has been a bit aloof. Still polite but sometimes pushes me away sometimes. She is a strong person
and hates getting help from anyone. She is not seeing any doctor so far.

I am trying to be patient but she tries to prod me to make be angry and start an argument. She is a nice person, just
feeling lost at this stage in her life.
Posted 7/14/2010 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
I think that it is important for her to see a doctor and to get counseling.  Maybe even couples counseling, or counseling for you to be able to deal with her issues.  Not that you should deal with her issues, but for you to be able to handle the situations that may arise.  Understanding her moods and the way that she feels.  Depression is no fun at all.  Though it seems that people who are depressed want to fight, they really don't.  They just don't know how to express themselves and everything comes out all messed up from holding it in for so long. 

I am going to post a site that maybe you can get her to go to.  It is totally free.

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I don't know if she will be interested or not, but she might.  If she doesn't, it is so important that she talks to a doctor or a psychiatrist to help her deal with her depression.  All you can do is encourage her to do the right thing.  This is not something that you can fix.  But be there for her.  Try to help her, but don't tell her what to do. 

I hope that I have helped in some small way.  I am not a doctor or a professional in any nature.  But I have lived with depression for many years.  I manage mine with medications and counseling.  I have been in remission for a long time.  I am pretty happy for the most part.  But that is what worked for me. 

I hope that you are having a better day and that your wife is feeling well.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 7/14/2010 10:20 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know your reasons (since it is not financial) for not wanting a house, but it would seem to me that you and your wife are at a standoff re; a house. I think part of her depression (and this is merely a guess on my part) isn't so much depression as anger at you and maybe not understanding your reasons for not wanting a house. Some of her anger miight be "punsihing" you for putting the stompers on something she very much wants. A situation like this can deteriorate rapidly, causing lots of harm to your relationship. As a marriage counselor, if you came knocking on my door, I would drag you in for a few sessions of counseling. What concerns me the most is each of you seem to have dug in your heels on this house issue and no one is budging off dead center. I am not saying either of you is right or wrong, but maybe a compromise can be reached.
Posted 7/14/2010 1:13 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Horse Crazy, you are both stubbon and won't budge. I agree that it doesn't seem like your wife is depressed, she just wants to make a home with you and probably have children. Isn't that what you got married for? If you can afford it then why wouldn't you want to buy a house?

I think you need to discuss it further with your wife in front of marriage guidance counselling, maybe an objective opinion can sway one of you towards the other.

I wish you good luck.
Posted 7/14/2010 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
The others here have given you some good advise and I would add, that have you told your wife that
you've not liked any of the house you've been shown? maybe she does not understand that, you both
should sit down and do some talking about this, buying a house is a big decision and has to feel right.
Maybe couples conselling would be good...and a starting point, good luck to you and I
hope you both can get this resolved...
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