HELP ME from Shelby

Hi. im shelby. This is going to be long and random and probably make no sense at all and have typos and really bad grammar but i need to get it all out.

So i met this boy and we ended up being best friends for abou 3 years. I fell in love with him but didnt tell him. all my best friends tried to tell me he liked me and of course i denied it. and ten the next year he just stops talking to me because of this other girl, alicia. i cant stand her and she cant stand me. anyway.. well finally, my best friend decided to tell him without my permission (i was homeschooled for a year)and he doesnt love me back. im not good enough for him. im fat and ugly. anyway, so now he doesnt even talk to me anymore. I miss him so much. i love him so much. and im  because of it.

but now i have been homeschooled for a year and i have to go back t that school where everyone makes fun of me and thinks im insane. and that also means facing him for the first time since she told him.

i have tried to talk to my sister about my wanting to  and everything, but she makes fun of me for it. we got in a fight the other day and i said, "maybe it would just be better for all of you if i!" and she said, "fine! be a baby! kill yourself! do you want me to hand you the knife?"

anyway, she will sit there and make fun of me about it too and its just getting to the point where i am just annoyed. and ticked off. i dont get why she is being like this.

anyway, i want to  myself and i am about to the point where i just dont care anymore and the only thing keeping me from flinging myself off a cliff is him. even though HE is the one who has caused me all of this pain. I just dont know what to do. and everyone thinks im absolutely fine, when really im just hiding everything behind a smile. i dont want to go to a therapist or a councelor or a psychologist or any doctor at all.

anyway, can someone please help me?

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/26/2010 8:27:12 AM (GMT-6)

I had to edit your post as we are not to discuss suicide on this forum.  But know that I really feel for you and understand your problems.

Why don't you want to talk to a counselor?  They are great help with things like this.  They teach us to like ouselves.  I really think you could benefit from discussing your feelings with a counselor. 

You need to learn to like yourself.  You are a wonderful person with a lot of feelings.  There is nothing wrong with that. 

When you get this way, call a suicide hotline.  I will get you some sites and numbers.

U.S. Helplines

National Suicide Hotline

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.


NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696

AAA Crisis Pregnancy Center 800-560-0717

Child Abuse Hotline | Support & Information 800-792-5200

Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357

Hugs, Karen