About 20 steps backwards...

So for some reason these last few days have been rather awful for me. And not for any huge reason...it's just been me staying in bed half the day and being down. Started on Saturday--there was a huuuuge thunderstorm in my area and I was out to dinner when that started. Background on me and storms: I feel physically sick when bad weather is going on. Thunderstomrs, rain, lightening, hail, snow, etc etc. My stomach always starts hurting and clenching up on me when it's about to thunderstorm. I get all antsy and anxious...can't sit still. I usually sit in my room with headphones on or something while a storm is going through. And I have this thing about needing to be at my house or in my dorm when it's bad weather. I get even more anxious and scared when I'm out. So Saturday was not great. I kept panicking to my friend to take me home and she knows how I am about bad weather, but she still decided to be horribly rude to me. I know my fear is not realistic, but I really don't need that fact thrown in my face all through dinner. Also I don't need to be told to stop acting like a five year old through dinner...we all have fears, this just happens to be mine. So I was a little irked about that. Then she invited another friend over, to MY house...without asking...saying we were going to have a movie night. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and wait out the storm, but not what happened. The friend that was invited is close to me, so I said okay, one movie...but I couldn't improve my mood very much so I was sad, withdrawn, and a little standoff-ish. I wish I could have changed that but the weather just puts me in "shut down" mode as I call it. I just focus on trying not to go into a panic attack. Anywho, now both friends aren't pleased with me since this mood has carried on through the beginning of this week. I've been avoiding phone calls and text messages, replying with only the basics. I know I'm coming across as rude to them, but I'm really struggling with trying to explain that this is just one of those times when I need space since I don't want them to see me depressed and in this situation. I think there's another reason I've been so down this week, but I'm having a hard time thinking of a specific reason. All I know is that it's translating into physical pain and I've felt awful the past few days. My shoulders are both aching like crazy and my bad is sending shooting pain up my spine--super unpleasant.
I don't know how I can go from feeling well with relatively no complaints to taking like 20 giant steps backwards and not being able to pull myself out of this mood. Ugh.
Just wanted to post what I've been feeling. Been distanced from here recently, although I have been reading. Not enough energy to reply though...sorry.

--Che

I do feel threatened by storms, I think any storm, severe or not, is going to like turn into a tornado or flood my neighborhood...all sorts of terrible natural disasters. I've been afraid of storms since I was five. Back then it was just a fear, I wasn't a huge fan of bad weather but it never got blown out of proportion like it is now, so my parents never saw any reason to dig deeper into that. The physical pain--the stomach aches, started when I was a little older. I do remember one time my parents being in the grocery store and I waited in the car and it started to storm and I started feeling really sick to my stomach...ever since then when it storms I get a stomach ache. I've been on the highway quite a few times during terrible weather, the kind where everyone pulls off the road to wait it out. That happened a lot when I was a kid. Going back and forth between our farm property and our home is 2 hours away, so there were a lot of times when if it started to storm on our way there/back I would crawl under a blanket and blast music in my ears until we got there or the rain stopped. After those experiences, to this day I still get anxious when it storms while I'm driving. I start talking to myself really =P It's just been something I've dealt with since I can remember. It's terribly unrealistic and I have tried to stop being so afraid, but I've accepted it as one of my personal fears and just hope that people don't ridicule me because of it.

--Che