HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

This is my whole story! I need help I don't know what to do anymore!

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/30/2010 5:54 AM (GMT 0)
It all started when my boyfriend of two year cheated on me. After we broke I don't who I was anymore I lost my self completely I started drinking and doing thing I know I shouldn't I knew it was wrong but I didn't care anymore. I started getting really sick so mom took me to the doctor and that's when I found that I was pregnant. I broke my family's hearts when they found out it was horrible. I was kinda happy to be pregnant though it gave me something in my life worth living for. When I told my ex. he wanted nothing to do with it he wanted me to get rid of it ( of course that made me upset) so I told him it not his choose I told him he lost that when he broke up with me. After a few days that I found out I had a miscarriage. My doctor told me that the baby couldn't handle the stress. I felt like I killed my own baby if I would have sucked it up and got over it and not drank so much before I found out. Deep down I think I knew all along. After that I went down hill, I couldn't no longer get up and go to school so me and my parent signed my up for on line schooling and i loved. And ever sense i been depressed my friends quit talking to me and hanging out with me I have no one to talk to you'd think when your going though your worst time in your life your friend be there for you but no. After awhile I told myself that I didn't care and I didn't need anyone and i was doing great for along time.
Then February came around and that's when my baby due date would been and that same month I found out that my brother wife gonna have a baby don't get me wrong I'm happy for them and all but it's hard when knowing I shoulda had all of that. I've been doing online schooling and I was just going to that for a school year then go back but my online teacher told about this GED program and I could still get a high diploma and I thought that was a great idea so I told I'd do and my parent though it was great but know it's different my dad still hasn't told my grandparents i feel like his embarrassed by me nobody else in my family like the idea. I feel like I can't do anything right anymore. I decided i wanted to be a police officer I thought my parents be happy but no they could care less. well it mostly my dad and when my moms around him she sides with him and then when it's me and her she on my side. My mom like my best friend ( my only friend) but i can't talk to her she stressed with everything else I don't want to upset her anymore than she already is. I have nobody. about a few weeks ago a guy that went to my school kill himself and every sense then I cant help but to think about it but I cant I want a future but it seems like I can't have one feels like the whole worlds doesn't want me to have one. I have headaches all the time everyday nothing makes them go away my parents seem to not care and don't seem to think i need to do to the doctor. i don't feel loved or cared about anyone. I don't know what to do. I just want to not depression to stop and go on with my life. If tired everything to make it go away but it won't. Can someone please help me.
Posted 8/30/2010 7:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Nerdy girl

Welcome to the Healing Well Depression Forum, you are amongst friends here who will care about and try and help you as much as we can. I hate calling you "nerdy girl" but I don't have any other name for you.

To me, it sounds like what started your depression was two things, the first being the breakup with your boyfriend and the second being the loss of your baby. I think losing a baby would be the absolute worst thing that could happen to a young mother like yourself. I can only imagine the pain and stress that the miscarriage must have caused you. Can I suggest you obtain some grief counselling. I think you should go to the doctor and tell the doctor exactly how you are feeling. If he doesn't suggest the counselling then ask him if he could refer you to somebody. I am sure it will help you to see things from a different perspective.

As for the breakup, he obviously wasn't the right person for you, the fact that he told you to get rid of the baby anyway kind of proves that point. You will have lots of boyfriends in your life before you settle down with the right one. So try not to rush that too much, just take your time and enjoy your young years because before you know it they are gone.

I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope that you will obtain some grief counselling and also I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are going.
Posted 8/30/2010 9:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there
Well reading your post I'm feeling you are somewhere close to my age and maybe hence I kinda understand your pain and frustration. It's hard to be left without a choice when a person we love chooses to leave us and we on our side have nothing other than to accept the fate. It's frustrating and I guess cause of depression for people like us who slid into depression because of a relationship.
Just think about the guy he didn't care about something that was a part of him i don't think he could take care of you ever.
Don't blame yourself for your baby. It must be so hard losing it, but the baby knew you wanted it to come and you'd have been a loving mother.
But now you should also think about your parents. You are their baby, someone they took care of and brought up, don't forget them ever. They are having a hard time to dealing with the problems and they are able to see their daughter in pain and are helpless about it.
We all here are your friends. People who leave you when you need them the most aren't your friends.

I would pray you get the courage and strength to survive this and you will be much stronger than many girls your age.
Posted 8/31/2010 12:27 AM (GMT 0)
I once tried talking to grief counselor she didn't help at all she gave my mom her number and to have her call if she ever needed help with me and my mom called her once and she'd said she'd call back and she did call back but a month later...I would love to try again but we don't have the money right now and I don't want to have them pay for that when we don't have the money. Today my mom ask me if I was depressed again and I couldn't tell her that I am she doesn't need to worry about me when she worries about everything else and everyone else. She knows I'm lying though she knows me to well. She think I need to work out and get up and do things and I have tried but it doesn't help. My dad fell 30 feet though a roof and broke his back and shattered one foot and broke the other about 2 years ago 3 years before my mom's dad died on the exact same day and that next year my brother had to go to a mental hospital because he got suicidal and that place missed him up after he got out he started have seizures and now she pays everything for my other brother his food rent car all because his to lazy to get up and get a job.
I can't put my depression on top of all that to take care of. They put me on depression pills after my miscarriage and I quit taking them because they felt like they were making everything worse. I have been trying to get my license I failed once and ever since then I've been scared to go because it feels like if I failed again it make me worse but my parents keep pushing me to but they don't understand. Even if I did get where would I go? I don't have friends or a job. I'm mad all the time I just blow out out of nowhere over the littlest things so of course that makes my parents mad put they don't understand that I don't mean to. Me and my dad get into fight where we don't talk for days. That upsets my mom. I'm just tried of being a burden. I have headaches and chest pain everyday they never go away. I get to where I can only get about 3:00 so I sleep till about noon so I don't get up and do my homework so I get behind but Ive been doing good late on keep on it and cleaning house and doing dishes but I'm always tried. I have no idea how to get over this. Thank you for helping I'm going try to remember things you guys have told me when I get upset or mad. I just don't know how much more I can take.
Posted 9/1/2010 2:12 AM (GMT 0)
My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad and are caring enough to not worry your mom who is having a rough time herself. Sometimes too many things happen too close together to the same people. Don't know why. try and just put one foot in front of the other for now. I'm putting you in my prayers starting tonight. You need to catch a break. All the best to you. Believe me- things can suddenly turn around for the better- they will.
Posted 9/1/2010 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
NG-
I am so sorry for everything you have gone through. I can't even begin to imagine. Can your mom help you find a free grief support group in your community? A lot of time there are groups that meet for no charge. They sometimes are led by a trained professional, but other times are just a bunch of other people who also lost someone close (some groups specialize in people who lost a child or an unborn baby). Usually these groups will meet at a local hospital, church/temple or funeral home. The grief counselor you met with that one time might be able to help direct you to a place in your area or you could try calling places on your own (if you are religious, you could probably ask your youth group leader or pastor/rabbi for a recommendation).

I know when a friend of mine lost her son she said she was really helped by posting to GriefNet (www.griefnet.org/. They are a moderated forum. They're free. And they have a special section of their site for teens. You might be able to find other girls your age who have also lost their unborn baby who can understand what you're going through.

Also, sometimes counselors are willing to meet with people for free or very, very cheap if they know you are in need. I had a counselor I saw in college who would see me for whatever I could pay (usually $15/visit, but sometimes $5 or nothing if I really didn't have any money that week). Maybe the lady you saw could see you for little to nothing, or could refer you to someone else who was willing to see you regardless of how much you & your family could afford to pay.

Finally, have you considered going back to school? Being away from school can seem like a good idea at first, but being away from friends, activities, a set schedule & a sense of normal life can often make the depression worse. A good friend of mine had to leave school when she got pregnant. She decided to enroll in correspondence school & tried to keep in touch with her friends, but a lot of our activities centered around school and clubs and dances and stuff so it was hard to include her in much. And then we just felt really awkward. Only a couple of us kept in touch with her. But then she came back to school -- maybe 4 months before graduation -- and things went back to normal pretty quickly. Maybe that won't work for you, but I thought I'd mention it b/c I know how much it helped my friend Kelly.

I think you have some really good plans, though. Becoming a police officer is a great idea! Can you do that with a GED? I know the military only takes high school graduates, but if they will take you in the local police with a GED that's a great job with a lot of opportunities for the long term. There's definitely a future for you with that field. :) Regardless of what your parents think, just keep working towards your goals each day. You will be in a better place before you know it!

peace,
frances
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply