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Posted 9/8/2010 5:43 AM (GMT 0)
I have never done this before don't know who to turn to, I feel like i am lost, I have so much yet i feel like i have nothing, i can't imagine why i just can't seem to not feel sad and all alone. i am a nurse i take care of people everyday and i love my job, i can't imagine doing anything else. i know i am so fortunate to have my health and that i should be so thankful yet i feel like i have this whole in my life, i feel like no matter what i do it is never good enough, i have friends and yet i feel so alone, i feel like i am about to fall apart and yet not one person in my life even has a clue, my family doesn't care either way what happens to me, they are all busy with their own lives. i am the strong one, the one who has everything so easy yet in reality, i am so alone and so empty, i think about the future and i honestly can't even begin to think about it.... i feel like i have lost all hope of ever getting out of this whole, of ever having any dreams of a future, instead i just live each day and do what i am supposed to do. thank god i have my job right now cause it makes me get out of bed some days...i shouldn't be like this and i don't now how i ended up like this at 36 years old. i feel guilty for feeling so lost and for not knowing what else to do anymore.... if anyone has some advice i am all ears...
Posted 9/8/2010 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Emmi

I think you sound like you need a break from work and from your family, is there any chance that you can take a couple of weeks off? I know that is a big ask especially in the nursing profession but I think you have to put Emmi first now for a change instead of last all the time.

Have you got anyone you can talk to or confide in? There would probably be a peer support counsellor at your place of employment, I am not sure if it is a hospital or somewhere else, but there must be someone you can talk to.

I hope you will think seriously about my vacation suggestion and I also hope you will continue to post and let us know how you re going. I wish you all the best of luck Emmi.
Posted 9/8/2010 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
Emmi - please see a therapist soon....or at least talk with your GP. You could have a chemical imbalance that's causing this. You may need meds....but I also think you need someone to talk things out with. Nurses often spread themselves very thin. It's time to take care of you.
Posted 9/8/2010 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
These guys are right, it is time for you to take care of you. You will be able to do more in the long run if you take some time for yourself to recouperate. Nurses do way too much for others I do think. I know it is your passion, but you do need to think of yourself too.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/9/2010 8:49 AM (GMT 0)
thanks for the suggestions, unfortunatly vacation is not an option, i tried to get time off and can't..... it's also not the first time i have felt this way, it has been an ongoing thing for too many years, i wish it was as easy as taking a vacation, i normally can deal with everything and my job helps me keep things in perspective but it just seems like i give to people all the time and when i need just a friend to listen i can't find one person who can take 2 minutes to listen..... my family situation is long a complicated and i won't even bother to go there at this point, unless i ;make the call or make the effort i seldom hear from them, if they need something they call me, i have to fix everything yet i just can't anymore..... i just don't want to even get out of bed at some points, it is like it's easier to just stay in my house and just stay away from everyone..... don't even know where to start to find a therapist or someone to talk to .... i know i am a nurse etc, but admitting that i need someone and that i have to put me first just seems selfish and weak......my whole life my feelings have been so discredited and i have been told that i am just selfish and want attention that i long ago stopped talking about my feelings with anyone it was a defense mechanism i learned as a young girl and i don't know how to break it..... i have a hard time talking about my feelings even now and it is part of where i am at the place i am at, i get it in my head, yet i feel powerless to change it, i don't even know where to begin and who to turn to, i just don't know what to do...... thanks for the advice i will try and start a new day and see where it takes me....
Posted 9/9/2010 10:18 AM (GMT 0)
HERE FOR YOU. JAMIE.

MY E-MAIL IS open IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHAT.

TIME FOR YOU. MY FAMILY IS JUST THE SAME.

THE MAD PROFESSOR.
Posted 9/9/2010 12:31 PM (GMT 0)
One day at a time my friend. It will come. And eventually you will deal with it all. Keep posting and getting things off of your chest.

I know what you mean about people only calling you when they want something. I have dealt with that too at times. But people look up to you and think of you as strength.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/9/2010 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Emmi,

It sounds like you are suffering from depression. You have a lot going on and I know that your job is important to you but can also be a source of stress with long hours and no time to take off. It appears that your family takes advantage of you. Can you distance yourself from them for a while and tell them you are working hard and do not

have the time to give them. I don't know if this is your parents or siblings but if they are all adults they can figure out their own problems without dumping everything on you.

You need to be kind to you and take care of yourself. Does the hospital where you work

have a refereral service? You might be able to get the name of a therapist. Also do you

live in a community that has a family service agency? That is where I found my therapist many years ago and she has literally saved me. If you do have depression you need to see someone and have an intake session to determine your situation. You may need an

antidepressant. So many people do not want to take these meds but it may be necessary. I didn't know for years why I felt the way I did and when I talked with my

therapist she suggested I see a psychiatrist to evaluate my feelings. It turned out I had

been suffering depression for years and just thought I was sad and had an unhappy life.

The psychiatrist prescribed meds for me and it took several tries before I got the right one and it has made such a difference for me. I only see the psychiatrist every six months for my prescriptions and otherwise I see my counselor for talk therapy. You would be surprised how helpful a neutral person can be. They can help you see how to best help yourself and what you can do to better your life. If you don't have anyone to ask about a therapist try a referral from a hospital or see if there is an agency where you live. You don't have to feel like this. Once I got help I was able to live a much more fulfilling and happy life. Not everything is perfect, I have had my share of ups and downs but the best thing I did was to get help. I wish you the best

and please post again to let everyone know how you are doing.

Many hugs,

Aurora

Posted 9/10/2010 4:58 AM (GMT 0)
Another day, good and bad, being able to just get somethings off my chest has helped, just getting on here was a huge step for me, and admitting that i needed to at least start somewhere.... its hard, i don't really have anyone around me at this point that i trust enough to really talk about how i feel and how though i look happy on the outside, i am just sad and tired of putting on my "face" and going out in public..... my trust in people in general is all but gone, i have been hurt by too many people around me who were supposed to care and who said they cared that i now am afraid that if one more person hurts me emotionally i just don't know if i will be able to get myself outta the hole that it puts me in...i stay by myself more and more, i have started to just keep to myself and not go out because i just don't see the point to it anymore, i am scared to let anyone get even the slightest bit close to me because i don't want to expect anything from anyone ever again...thanks for just letting me put some of my thoughts out there and letting me get it off my chest, the advice and kind words from strangers have made me feel like i am at least not alone and has made each day a little easier....thanks.
Posted 9/10/2010 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Emme,

I don't think we have met. I am Karen. I am so glad that you have joined us and that things are getting a little better. Stick with us. This is a wonderful group of members and they want to see you happy.

Take care hon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/19/2010 2:20 AM (GMT 0)
this is like a rollercoaster, one day i think i am fine the next day back down and just can't explain, no motivation to do anything, don't want to leave my apartment, don't want to talk to anyone, just don't think anyone would even want to be around me....so i just isolate myself even more....and it just starts this circle all over again, i am starting to just think that i am better off alone and i tell myself i should just deal with the fact that i will and should be alone..... it's crazy i know, i just can't seem to get past it, i feel like i am losing myself and i am just falling into this whole and every day i just fall a little deeper and deeper and someday i feel like it will just stop and i will just be down and out with no hope of getting up.....my self esteem and self worth is gone and nobody can say anything to help me or make me change how i feel, i feel like the world is going on all around me and i am just not able to step out and enjoy life anymore....i watch through a small window and wish that i could enjoy it and smile but as soon as i try to do it the window closes and locks and i am just pushed right back down again.....
Posted 9/19/2010 2:59 AM (GMT 0)
Sounds like you are in the funk of depression. Are you seeing anybody for it? Have you noticed any changes with meds if you are on them? Things will get better I am sure. It kind of is the season. The changes in the atmosphere. I had about three bad days in a row, but now it is better again. Though I am slow to go anywhere. It is hard to get motivated.

I find that if I allow myself a day to just sleep or whatever, it helps me. That is if you are able to do that. It takes the pressure off of worrying about the things that you think you should be doing. And allows you to recooperate. Try not to be so hard on yourself. The less pressure from yourself the better. Then you can use the positive energy when you are ready to do things. You will get better. The days are getting shorter and that effects us too. You might want to start taking some vitamin D3. That helps with the moods when the days are short. But you should ask your doctor about it first. He/she might want to do bloodwork to see if you are low or anything.

I really hope that you start to feel better soon. Take a nice relaxing bath with some candles or something. Something nice for yourself.

Hugs, Karen
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