Marriage Advice?? Please...

Hi everyone
I'm new to this whole-chatting-my-life-on-the-computer-and-let-the-whole-world-read it thing but I think it's my last chance in saving my marriage. I am 22 years old and have been married for almost 9 months. My husband has just recently found these new "hobbies" of his that he enjoys A TON!! Most of our conversations are about how he is constantly gone doing these hobbies, which involve this game called Magic I have never played it before in my life but my husband is obsessed with it. I love spending time with my husband and I feel like when we finally have a weekend free where school and work aren't involved, he decides to go and play this game with his buddies. I feel like he doesn't care about me and actually want to spend the night with me on the couch, watching a movie with popcorn. I have cried myself to sleep many times at night knowing that my husband won't be home until 2 or 3 in the morning, depending on how many people show up to play Magic. I am so worried that his "honeymoon" stage has come and gone and I'm still stuck in it and he wants me to let him go and do his thing. What should I do?? I hope this all made sense... this is like 8 months of drama crammed into a paragraph. Pretty much my problem is is that my husband and I are constantly on the go, and yes we see each other every day but it's in between work and college, and when we finally have a night alone he leaves to fulfill his hobbies. Am I being to strict on him? Should I just let him go? Help me please understand what to do.

Thanks so much!!

Does he mind if you do things without him? If not, then go for it. You need to have faith that he is on the up and up and is doing what he says he is. But that seems awful late to be coming in. Can you go with him? Or does he want to do this by himself? It will all come out in the wash, it always does. Be patient. The truth of this will come out in time. I hope he is just doing what he says he is. Men will be men. Sorry guys.... They like to play with their buddies. Go with him if you can...

Hugs, Karen

Out of town, Overnight? Ho ho NO! Go with him, this sounds fishy.

Tell him he is letting you down, you are "new bride" and want to be with him a lot more than is happening, because you love him and miss him and are lonely.
I know you believe him but he is acting very suspicious.

My husband would travel with his job, and then on Friday go see a sporting event with someone, and they just happened to have a ticket. I tried to be understanding, but he would push it to the limit - more and more selfish. Nip it in the bud. Tell him you don't want to be alone every weekend. Good luck...

Have a heart to heart with him telling him exactly what you told us here. See what he has to say. I lost the lines of effective communication with my husband long ago because I didn't have the guts to bring up what he disagreed with and now I pay dearly.

To me I don't think it's fair. I agree with whoever said call his bluff and go with him. Tell him I don't mind sitting watching the game- it's better then sitting here bored by myself.

My husband's passion is hunting- which is fine but when my kids were small I was stuck at home while he was out with the buddies and then they went out to the bar afterward under the vise that they check their deer in there too (which is true) but then it was an all day & all night thing and it really wasn't fair and then it all just snowballed. 20 years later it's the same thing- but now I'm not tied down and just have to get the guts up to go do my own thing.

Nip it in the bud!

Wow, I cannot believe I am speaking out here but when I was a new bride - many years ago,  my hubby had his motorcycle buddies and he played pool one night a week.  He is a hunter and loves to fish.  I knew these things going into our marriage.  I also knew he did not like to shop,  go to fancy restaurants or entertain alot.  I resented some of his time away but when we talked about it things always worked out.

At first I tired to "change" him - shame on me as I loved him just the way he was.  I learned to adapt to his ways and he to mine.  Never have I ever not trusted him and he still hunts, rides his motorcycle but gave up the pool tournaments.  I still shop with friends,  and go to fancy restaurants with other family members etc.

Together my hubby and I go to movies,  take trips,  attended family weddings,  visit our children and grandchildren and hang out together at home.  I will keep him company while he works on his motorcycle and he helps me clean the house.  We have been married almost 40 years. I suspect you will celebrate many anniversaries together. 

I would agree that talking with your husband about "how you feel" would be wise.  Remember not to be accusatory ~ keep the communication lines open. You have my support. 

Kindly,

Kitt 

advice- as I look back on the advice I gave I see I was at a different place then you are when I was a wee bit older than you and having troubles. I was already saddled with children and stuck at home for lack of money for babysitting.

If I were you- I would try and find some hobbies of your own and friends to pal around with. I never had either and I became isolated, lonely, resentful....

Sometimes the cure is- he sees you are not sitting around waiting for him so now he wants to be with you because you have something to do too. Just don't cancel your plans just because he all of a sudden decides lets be together. I've fallen into that trap too.

I will stand my ground on the fact that he does not need to be out of town to play a card game. he needs to come home at night as far as I'm concerned but maybe I am over the top.