I just....don't know what to do at this point

I'm a senior in high school and have never been so stressed out in my entire life. I've struggled with depression since eight grade and was suicidal my Sophomore year, but had been fine all junior year. This year though I spend every night crying myself to sleep if I sleep at all, I hardly eat, I am losing contact with my friends and don't know what to do. My parents are divorced and living in the same house so this place is a hell hole, my grades are not where they need to be to get me into the really good schools, i'm 106 lbs and feel like i should loose 10 lbs and I've recently started to wonder if life is worth living. I just, I don't know what to do anymore. I have not had a moment to myself in weeks because I'm the president of seven clubs and am taking 20 hours of dance classes a week plus all accelerated classes in school, even with all this, i know im a failure. I'm not going to succeed in life, so whats the point? What am I supposed to do, I just want to cry all the time and in class its gotten to the point that I can hardly keep myself together.

Dori, I don't know why I felt led to read your post-this isn't even my forum, I'm usually over at anxiety/panic. You need to talk to someone right now. You are extremely stressed, depressed, and I'm afraid that you have an eating disorder. I only say theses things because I have been there. I am dancer too and have struggled with this. When your body is depleted of nutrients through dieting and strenous exercise, you are bound to become fatigued, stressed and depressed. It's biologically impossible not to. I urge you to seek help for these things. I have been in therapy for E.D. (eating disorders) and A/P ( anxiety and panic) and both helped save my life. Please don't suffer needlessly anymore-there is help and treatment available. Talk to someone you can trust to help you get the process of finding a doctor/therapists started.
There for you,
Scaredy Cat

Dori, how are you today?

You sure have a full plate at the moment, are you able to drop some of the things you are doing? Do you have a counselor supporting you?

When I am in the stage of, 'why bother, I won't make it anyway', the very next fighting thought is, why give up, I might just make it! When I was your age, I was very much stuck in that frame of mind, and also had a huge ED, and was a competitive sprinter for my country, I had huge hurdles to overcome (extreme abuse issues), and didn't think I would ever get there - BUT, I did.

I often feel like I am 'white knuckling' my way through life, and I know you can do this too. Keep talking to us, and let us know how you are doing.

Dori,
Wow! You sound almost exactly like me when I was a senior in high school! It really does feel so awful to feel like your life is ruined before it even really began. I think the others gave you good advice about considering getting some professional help. But beyond that, I want to encourage you not to give up. Getting into the very top-tier universities is not the end-all-be-all.

I ended up going to a public university & joining its Honors Program. I had access to rigorous classes & was able to get books from Ivy League libraries to conduct for-credit independent study courses. Though I was offered the chance to publish some of my research, I wasn't interested, but a number of the other Honors students had one or more of their papers published in professional journals. Often internships are won by personal networking, so there is no reason you couldn't get a highly coveted internship even if you're going to a public school. And the combination of those two factors, along with demonstrated leadership ability should get you the opportunity to win a position at a prestigious organization upon graduation. Yes, some companies hold places specifically for graduates of certain universities, but that doesn't mean they won't hire highly qualified candidates from other schools. As an example, my brother works at a large tech firm. Though he too went to a public university because his HS grades were totally abysmal (seriously, he was accepted on a contingency only b/c of his ACT score), he got phenomenal internships. 5 years out of college, he now supervises a team of people that includes same-age peers who graduated from ivy league schools.

It is tough to learn to cope with when our plans don't work out as we hoped. The benefit, though, is that unforeseen challenges often arise in the corporate world and those who are exceptionally adept at managing organizational change & adapting project plans to work within a new set of parameters tend to be the fastest to rise to the top. It will be a question that almost every recruiter will ask you -- tell me about a time where something didn't work out as planned and describe how you handled that. Sure, it would've been nice if everything would have just gone perfectly (I struggle with that to this day), but finding a lesson to learn from this obstacle can end up giving you a huge advantage.

And if you still feel like you are at a horrible disadvantage going to a public university, you can work really hard & apply to get admitted as a transfer student to an ivy league school your sophomore or junior year.

wishing you well,
frances

Dori, you can keep on posting as needed to vent. We don't give you advice here and expect you to just go away and do it. We want to keep encouraging you, and prop you up when you are down. So glad you sounded cheerful in your last post. We're interested in your progress, be it ups or downs.