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How to motivate a depressed boyfriend?

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Posted 11/28/2010 12:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,
I m just 20 and my boyfriend and i have been in relationship for just few months (we don't stay together). He has had a kind of a lonely childhood due to some problem in his family. As a single child, i think he has a lot of pressure from his family. He has been depressed for a long time i think. And has been negatively taking things while also accepting the fact that he is sad. He believes nothing can help him and that he finds a certain satisfaction in staying sad. He is not so open to share his problems, he says that i dont understand.
I want to be a positive motivation in his life. Help him see a colorful life that i percieve. I as a girlfriend, how can i help him be strong and positive in life?
Please help
Usha
Posted 11/28/2010 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
Be exactly the person you already are. While it is important to be supportive and strong it is not your job to fix him. That has to come from within him. You can provide him with all kinds of material ranging from books websites and dvds. There are all sorts things that are out there to help him but he has to take the first step himself. Try not to get frustrated with him about the holidays, that can be a particularly sensitive time for people who have a depression issue. Don't get caught up too much in his sadness that it starts to change the positive person you already are. Make sure you take time away from the situation with people and festivities that you enjoy even if that means having to step away from him for awhile. You just being a positive person in his life is already the greatest gift for Christmas.
Posted 11/28/2010 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
Spin is right, you can direct your boyfriend, and be there for him. But it is up to him to get the help that he needs. Often we do find ourselves comfortable with being sad because that is all we know. Sometimes we don't even realize how bad we felt until we start to feel better. So be there for him, but don't take on his situation. Stay happy.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/29/2010 9:30 AM (GMT 0)
maybe a support group? will he attend if you go? and or his doctor? yes you can't fix him, and i know it is real difficult when you get draqgged under yourself. keep well yourself, take care. hoping he gets motivated soon. with compassion, jamie.
Posted 11/29/2010 5:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Dan,

Stand by your friend's side and even just sitting quietly with him at the hospital shows him you care.  Also asking him what would help him is good and this is what I do.

When my sister was in the hospital having someone drive me uptown so I could spend several nights there,  someone bringing by some lunch or sending me cards of support were appreciated. Members from this forum sent cards to my sister.  She always wanted to go to Australia and one of the members from Australia sent her a card.  A special card was sent from Missouri from a HealingWell member and it came special delivery.  My sister was so happy.  She never got to see Australia.

This is a great site.

Every little thing means a lot to someone in your friends position.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted Today 11:10 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys!!
I was really confused on how to take on this problem.. I will try my best to be the person I am.. I hope I can help him...
Thank you all... :)
Usha..
Posted Today 11:50 AM (GMT 0)
stay strong...............proud of ya, jamie. :-)
Posted 12/4/2010 10:25 AM (GMT 0)
I have a confusion!!! I dont understand what to do when i feel like he doesnt love me.. because he fails to call me and is most of the time busy with stuffs i dont know about.. I dont know if he is acting careless because of depression or he does not love me.. last night i cried my eyes out feeling unloved by him..
I dont want to act on impulse and make him feel bad.. because by the way he talks about his past relationship he is not such a careless person.. I want to stay strong.. Should I stay strong and distract myself when i feel less loved by him.. or should i tell him and express my anger for his carelessness...
.. I cannot do much like talking about going to a doctor,, i m yet not in that position.. but i wanna help him.. i dont know how..
I get angry at his acts a lot.. frustrates me.. What should i Do???

Usha..

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/4/2010 9:22:25 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/4/2010 4:24 PM (GMT 0)
Usha,

We aren't allowed to talk about self harm on this forum, so I had to take a little of your post out. If he is self harming, he needs help.

I really do think you should work on making yourself stronger. Maybe some counseling would help. You are a good person and deserve to feel well. Don't let the actions of another bring you down. It just isn't worth it.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/5/2011 7:55 AM (GMT 0)
If someone you love is self harming.. you can call the police and let them know, they can come out and put them on an M1 hold to keep them safe for the night and they often have someone talk with them about getting help. depends on where you live but where my husband is a cop they take M1 holds directly to the hospital and the hospital has people that are educated in that area
Posted 3/5/2011 3:01 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum. I think you should talk to him about going to counseling to sort these things out. Only he can help himself, but you can inspire him to take action to help himself.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/5/2011 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
I have been in your shoes. And I know it's hard and you start feeling bad because there's not much you can do to help this person you love. I'm sorry you are going through this but you can only do so much, you are only human and you don't want to slip into a depression yourself. He needs to talk to a professional or join a support group because you can't help him on your own. What you can do is let him know he can get better and let him know there's more to life than what he thinks. I bet he'll be resistant at first about going to a therapist or starting meds but let him know once he starts he'll be happier, his life will be better, and his relationship with you will be healthier.
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