Background:
Adoloscence: Local University before school for diving practice, school, followed by gymnastics practice. If no gymnastics that day, off to the field for Pop Warner practice. Long days at a very young age. But very active, and no matter what I was put in to tire me out I was still bouncing off walls. I listened to everyone around me.....
Growing up, you quickly learn what needs to be done in order to survive. Be it kicking ass, taking pills, just doing your work, taking a walk, etc...
I learned that all of these used in concert were most effective. My pill of choice was klonopin, and after a few surgeries due to stupidity I learned to like percocet. This combination made me feel unstoppable. Not only would the ideas come to me, but I was able to take action on them and make things happen. I rocked this combination for years. I hit a wall when I was let go from a job in the financial services and went to rehab. I was freshly married and said OK it's time to feel the pain again. Rehab worked as far as I don't want a pill near me, I do not drink but I began smoking a ton and the time for exercise was no longer there. I got fat and I am a shorter guy, so this also affects me. I jumped back into a similar job, and realized the environment I felt like could excel in was no longer a place I wanted to be. I could no longer hide the fact that I was disgusted by what my staff was doing just to get to work in the morning. I was let go. I am now here wondering what do I do with my life? How can I look at my wife and be optimistic again? How do I become happy with myself again? I was never depressed, I just got pissed off and dealt with it.
Does anyone know of a case like this? It's going to be a long road back to health (in the mind, body, soul sense), but I simply want to be able to catch a thought and my breath again.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/6/2010 2:14:52 PM (GMT-7)