I Dont Think I Will Ever Be Me

Hi all~

sorry I havent posted lately, the depression I am experiencing is horrendous.  There has been one result that I received and it was from the neuro-psych doctor.  He feels certain that the depression that is haunting me now is the reason for the memory loss and confusion that has been going on.  He notes that at some point I have suffered a traumatic event in my life that I have not come to terms with and he suggested psychotherapy!!!!  Can you  believe it?  All the thousands of dollars and time and the conclusion is a traumatic event that I am not dealing with.   OK, yea.  As far as the blood tests, they all have been strangly normal with no explanation for the abnormal results every now and then.  My neuro doc actually took me off my ritalin because it is still not showing in my blood.  I have complained about this for over 3 years and finally someone is paying attention to me because she could lose her license to practice because my report reads as if I have never taken ritalin at all.  Where do I go now!? 

 

Well I hope everyone has a good holiday, I will just be glad when it is over.  I dont think I have ever been so tired and depressed with every aspect in my life.  Thank God I have you guys.

 

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/18/2010 8:11:32 PM (GMT-7)

your brain is just processing it now. am here 4 you teresa, jamie

Things are going to get better for you Teresa. Maybe you need to lower your expectations in a way that you wont feel the disappointment of day to day living. Learn to appreciate little things in life. That is what I have done and it helps me. Just the sunshine today has made my day. I don't expect to feel good all the time, I really wish that there was something to make you happy. I wish that you could feel fullfilled with just the meaning of life. You are such a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy. Have you thought about church? Many people find happiness there. I hope that there is something for you. You really deserve a break. Keep trying, and keep posting when you can. Think of your little boy and how much pleasure you two have when you are together. I am sure that the thought of that will brighten up your day. Keep in touch.

Hugs, Karen

Thanx you guys for the posts~

 

I truly do appreciate what everyone is saying to me and realize that only a few of you are familiar with me and my depression.  Not to "beat a dead horse" but my depression has pretty much swallowed me whole.  I look at it this way.......if I am getting disability for being "sad"  I must be really sick.  Believe me, I wake up every day hoping that I will feel better from that time on.  I realize that we all suffer loss and grief.  I also know that there are others that are not as fortunate as myself and suffer far worse things in life.  When you look at the scheme of things in one's life, is one's sufferage really worse than others or is it the context in which we suffer?

 

I know once again I am rambling but it keeps my mind busy and I think less about what is going on every minute of every day.  I can tell that life is taking its toll as well when I look at pics of me over the holidays.  I look so sad and there is no light in my eyes.  My daughter's facebook has a couple and I am saddened by the way I look.  Oh well, its back home now I finally was able to use the computer at the library because the holidays are over and they are finally open.

 

Im sorry that I am such a downer but I would be lying if I did anything different.

They do bring me so much joy!!!!