don't know where to go from here

You seem to be handling things well. Yeah for your new tattoo. That was nice. Keep up the good work. You are amongst friends here.

Hugs, Karen

Your picture came out good. I like that tatt. I myself don't have any, but i do artwork, painting, so I guess I put mine of canvas. I thought about getting my husband's name, but I haven't gotten the courage to do it yet. One of these days maybe. I thought about doing it in an oriental symbol. I think that would look cool...

Try to take things one day at a time. Especially with work. You never know what is in store for you at any given day. Life can change on a dime, and for the better. I hope that you can get your transfer, as it sounds like you would be much happier with it. But you got to take that as it comes. Like I say, one day at a time. Try to live in the moment of things. It makes for a much easier life. It takes practice, but it does happen. It is the power of the mind. I am sure you have it, we all do. It just takes some of us more work than others. Especially when you are depressed.

I hope that your day gets better for you. Keep posting, we all do care about you.

Hugs, Karen

I am happy to hear the good news. I really hope that you do get the transfer. And I am glad that you are enjoying the sunshine. Keep up all the good work.

Hugs, Karen

I am truly sorry that you are missing your friend. But be gentle with yourself today. In time you will do something different on your birthday, but it may take some time to get over what you use to do. It is okay to feel this way. But if it lasts a long time, like days, then I think you should see somebody like a grief counselor or a regular counselor. But for the time being, just go with it. Maybe light a candle or write her a letter. Get your feelings out. Posting them on here is therapeudic too. And you get feedback. I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen

PS Happy Birthday!!!

I am so happy that you went and got over that hurdle. Good Job!!! Keep up the good work.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Ty,
I'm glad to hear that you are in the last stages of your situation. It's definately been a year of change already... lol and changes scares me to death!!!!!! I got the transfer I've been wanting which is awesome but sad at the same time because I will miss the kids and staff I work with minus the one person I butt heads with big time. It was crazy emotionally.. haha I was like crazy happy yet on the verge of tears as each person came by and said bye before we left for the day.

Lydia

took until 2:30 to be able to stop crying... my eyes are completely bloodshot & burn like no other.... doubt theres gonna be any sleep for me tonight since i gotta be back up at 5:30 anyways

OMG Today has been one of the most fabulous days ever!!!! It started off I got to babysit which is fun for me because the kid is awesome and fun to be with. In the afternoon, I met a bunch of friends at the bowling alley for a few hours of bowling for a belated birthday celebration. This is the first year I've really done much to celebrate my birthday. I had about 27 people show up. My biggest and favorite surprise (& I gotta say the best birthday present ever hehe) was when after everybody else left, my friend Misty, her husband and I were sitting down talking while their 2 kids played in the arcade area. I'm sitting all relaxed.. feet propped up on a chair lol.. All of a sudden I feel somebody grab my shoulders... It ended up being my friend Daryl. I thought he forgot or couldnt make it. It was the best birthday present ever! (hehe I had a pretty big crush on him for awhile.. still do really..) He had gotten the times mixed up. It was fate that Misty & I were stuck on what to do for dinner which was the whole reason we were still sitting there. We all ended up going to Applebees for dinner and then Daryl, Misty and I went out to a sports bar and played about 5 or 6 games of pool. It was awesome!!!!! We finally we're all just sittin and resting for a few minutes trying to decide what to do and Daryl, who is a licensed massage therapist, said "I can honestly say I went a full day without giving a massage"... Well I came back with "we can fix that lol" I figured itd get a laugh or two lol and thatd be it... at the same time it really surprised me that I said that because Im usually really super shy, especially around someone I like like that... He looks at me and says "well your not in front of me" lol Sweet!!! I quickly moved so I was sitting in front of him... o m g! lol heaven! I could have soooo easily leaned back against him and went to sleep lol He reminds me of a big cuddly teddy bear! I didnt wanna leave! I took Misty home first and then dropped Daryl off which is where I got the second best birthday present; a hug from him :)

LOL so its easily said for tonight at least... Im flying on cloud 9 and dont want to ever come down.
Off to dreamland to relive it all! lol

Hugs Karen :) I do have more feelings for Daryl other than friendship. Misty knows and she actually helped me out tonight lol. She helped me figure out if he had a girlfriend and other stuff along that line. As she told Daryl, she's a "married spud". Her husband and kids went with us to dinner and hubby was ssuppose to go with us to shoot pool but they didnt have anyone to watch the kids.
I realized today that I have a group of awesome friends! It has been rough without Debbie here but yesterday when we were bowling I know she was smiling down at us all. It didnt matter if it was my friends from work, school or outside those two, they all got along great. We were even having a blast seein who could win the 'gutter award' lol The most memorable moment was when I went to sent on the steps with Mike (used to be the custodian at the school, an awesome friend & father figure in my life) to talk. He asked how I was doing after the other day when I had my meltdown and I started to answer when I felt this little wind kinda brush by me but then it felt like there was this very very light touch of someone giving me a hug.. I know Debbie had something to do with that, letting us know that she was there with us in spirit. For the first time in over 7 months, I was truly smiling without faking it or hiding something deeper down. Especially while playing pool, I was smiling from ear to ear lol. Now hehe I just gotta work past being extreeeemely shy, especially around someone I have feelings for. Its gotten better. I no longer have a ton of butterflies in my stomach when around Daryl. Its been awesome and dont want it to end...

It's been crazy. I havnt been able to check here much since my classes started back up. Things have been going good for the most part. There's been a few snags here & there but I surprised myself with being able to handle it better than I have before.
I have heard a lot of crap coming from my old position I was at before transferring and was even blamed for posting negative comments on facebook about people I worked with from there. It come to find out that one of the few friends that I thought I could trust with anything, I could not trust. I disagreed with her on something & I guess it pissed her off so she went back to work and started talking about it. After hearing this, I am glad I got out of that building when I did and am trying to figure out a way to rebuild that trust & friendship but its going to take a LONG time. Its already super hard for me to trust people, let alone someone that broke that trust...

Hi Karen,
Thank you for keeping me going. Your words of encouragement have been very helpful :) I have continued to try and work things out with my friend and being able to trust her. It's going slowly. Everytime I try and make conversation with her (usually on facebook) its kind of awkward. Still workin on it though :)
This week has been rough! We've had 9 inches of snow yesterday so we've had Tues & Wed off as snow days & I went ahead and went into work to get some stuff. While I liked getting a lot done in the quietness, it made me miss my best friend/"mom" Debbie (the one who passed away in May). We used to go in to work a lot on Sunday afternoons and get a lot done. Yesterday I teared up while I was working. I did ok today while there but it's been really hard this evening. This is the time of year that she fell on the ice/snow, hurt her knee and then things went down hill quickly from there...
My new supervisor I have now is great & reminds me a lot of Debbie.. We get along pretty good but I'm afraid to open up again. I got close with Debbie and I probably could with Marian (my new super..) but I'm afraid of getting hurt again :(

bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad day!!!! I will try to get back on a little later and explain more.. hope to get some sleep before class first...