First let me say, I have never been to a doctor/therapist so I don't really know if what I have is depression.
But whatever I have, has been the ruin of 2 relationships, one of which is still going technically, but hanging by a thread.
They both started out the same. Great. I was fine, happy, optimistic. A good girlfriend. But then I start getting needy, desperate, overbearing, crying all the time, threatening to. The first relationship I actually, broke into his apartment in a rage by climbing up his balcony, had no control whatsoever over my actions. The thing is, deep down, I do not really want to die. This is what confuses me the most..don't depressed people actually WANT to die?
The relationship i'm in now I cry all the time, am always angry, even though he is the perfect boyfriend. I told him about
the "depression" and he has been patient, but is starting to get on edge. I have threatened to, and have already.
Maybe it's not depression..maybe some sort of relationship disorder?
The thing is, these 2 boyfriends are the only ones that know about
these rages. I have very little friends, and even my good friends have no idea whatsoever. I keep it to myself. The fact that I have very little friends does not help either i'm sure. Everyone I meet would describe me as the nicest person ever, always smiling, laughing (I love to laugh). But then I get home and am a complete psycho..I just have no control. I scream at the top of my lungs, hit things, throw things just if my boyfriend decides to go to a bachelor party. It's also weird that deep down I trust him 1000% but I am always threatening to if he goes out with friends, goes to a party, etc... I don't know where to turn. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't even know if I have a disease, maybe I am just a bad girlfriend?
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/7/2011 5:01:49 PM (GMT-7)