Posted 1/8/2011 6:06 AM (GMT 0)
Hello,
I don't think I am super depressed but lately I have been having a lot of dark thoughts. I went off my generic Lexapro about 1 and a half years ago because I was frustrated with how emotionally flat I felt taking it. But now I feel like I am just casting about, can't get deeply involved in anything and certain areas of my life are sorely lacking. Something recently happened at work, and like I said, my thoughts turned really dark and I just feel very pessimistic about my future. I am upset about my health too.
Well, anyway, do you think I should avoid the medications? I am already taking seriously powerful stuff (for my arthritis). Next month I have my semiannual appointment with the family doc, who is really big on prescribing stuff for anything and everything. She always seems to think that I should try a better SSRI. The last one was prescribed by a psychiatrist, and he put me on too high of a dose, I think, and she thought it was not a good one anyway. The way she looks at me, god, I feel like, do I SEEM depressed? I think it's just a personality thing. I tend to be quiet and introverted, and she is from a family of extroverts who are all love-love and let's have a party (I used to be friends with one of her relatives). I must seem morose to her.
I am not seeing a counselor. I'm kind of annoyed with how things ended with the last counselor and sometimes they just freak me out. Like I don't want anybody getting in my space, or I start thinking they are bored or incompetent or mean or unprofessional or whatever. I have talked and talked about my life and really, right now my life is so boring I think how could I go and talk about it? All I would do is sit there and make jokes about it, that's the problem with these counselors, they have to be able to see through my silly stuff. Sometimes I want to be hypnotized or put on some truth serum because I am just so much on guard, can they really tell what the problem is.