more to life than pigtails?

Thanks Scaredy cat!
I got an appointment at Behavioral Health for tomorrow, I've made a lot of other appointments before but have never showed up, I'm afraid everyone will be looking at me and thinking I'm crazy. I read some of the articles on social anxiety and - wow- they describe my whole life. I'm so lonely and want friends, but I'm afraid of people. And when, for instance, my sister tries to introduce me to her friends at an event or something, I don't know, I feel like I'm trying not to fall out of the circle, the circle of people keeps closing and I keep falling out, and I know how silly I look like I'm afraid the circle of talking people are going to bite but it's like I'm hanging on to stop from drowning - I fall I drown, then I climb into the circle but I'm choking and it's ackward and wierd. That's why I feel maybe I'm crazy, I've always been this way and it seems like everyone gets it except for me. Why don't I get it?!! Well wish me luck for tomorrow and thanks for the resources!

The appointment was ok, it was an intake. My counselor was really nice and I even felt comfortable enough to tell her about the mental breakdowns I've had (been in the hospital twice). It's still all frigg'n embarassing as h#ll, even though the counselor told me a lot of people who come in are a lot like me, just really stressed out w/ no friends. On to another day, hey scaredy I hear ya about being a scaredy cat - when I was talking to the counselor I was talking more to my 3-yr old than to her - like I was talking through her you know what I mean? I hate it when I'm having the mental talk, like "stop talking to your kids and talk to the person! Stop looking so scared! Look in their eyes, stop looking at the floor! Straighten up! Stop giggling so nervously, it wasn't that funny! OMG they can tell I'm scared as h#ll! Stand closer to them!
Trying to look normal is hard! Thanks also Akram for your advice!