Finding my way

I have struggled with what I believe to be depression on and off for a large part of my life. I have never been diagnosed as I have always been able to keep up appearances or find peace and meditation through exercise. I have fears about reaching out or getting in the system of medication as I am self-employed and health insurance costs are always a worry.

Some years ago I was in an abusive relationship and ended up seeing a therapist and using anti-depressants but I felt confused about whether the relationship situation was the source and so once I extracted myself from that place and my sample drugs ran out I did not pursue a diagnosis.

Lately I seem to barely function outside of work responsibilities. I do what is in front of me but otherwise feel buffeted by the waves of life. It's frustrating. I'm 40 and alone with many friends but I feel as if I'm on the verge of a break down. My organizational skills which were never my strong point are abysmal but when ever I set aside time to do these basic tasks I can't get through them. It makes me ashamed but I'm not sure where to turn.

I have a hard time reaching out and feel limited in my resources so do not want to spend ten time and $$ on a therapist who is not a good match. I also am worried about my medical record as my COBRA is about to ex
Ire and I'll need a new health plan.

I know my thoughts are not so organized but what is the most thorough/ useful form of diagnosis? My primary doctor just asked me two or three knee jerk questions and then gave me some samples. That doesn't inspire deep and truthful answers. Also any suggestions in finding the right therapist would be helpful.

Tha ks!

I feel you need to give the mental health system a chance. We all go through the same thing finding a good therapist. Some of us find a good match right off the bat and some of us have to go through a couple before we find a good one. As Jamie said, word of mouth says a lot.

Don't give up so easy. You are talking about your future and we want to feel good for that. It makes life much easier. And take the meds seriously. take them if they are prescribed. Never go off of one without doctor's assistance as some of them have side effects and withdrawal symptoms when you suddenly stop them.

I hope that you feel better soon. Be proactive with your health. As Jamie said, many of the therapist and psychiatrists do operate on a sliding scale and will work with you even if you are changing insurance companies. When it comes to our health we have to do what is right for us regardless of the cost.

Take care, and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen