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GOD, so depressed and alone

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Posted 3/28/2011 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
Once again, being the bad guy in everything I do.  Had my heart monitor put on today and what a day to have it on.  I practically have no strength in my left arm, probably stress.

 

I just want to give up sometimes and say "ok whatever you say"  I hate being me!!!!!!!

Posted 3/29/2011 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Kiolm sorry but it is not as easy for some people I have tried many a times
Posted 3/29/2011 5:53 AM (GMT 0)
HANG IN THERE ff4u. sending healing thoughts your way. jamie
Posted 3/29/2011 4:26 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for your thoughts.  Tiger is right, for some of us positivity runs low when you have fought depression for so many years.  I get the whole project thing and I do agree but depression is a f... monster and takes charge of your feelings even when you think the most positive thoughts ever.

I actually had to take and sell some of my jewelry today to put gas in my car, didnt feel very positive doing that but on the positive side, I do have a little money now that I didnt have before, right?

I have had many ups and downs in my life and as a HW member, my fellow members will agree that I struggle alot and I dont know if it will ever get better.

 

Depressing, I know but I only speak the truth.

Posted 3/29/2011 5:28 PM (GMT 0)
Faith, as bad as the economy is, I am sure you are not alone in selling items for cash, gas.  I have been to the pawn shop more in the last year than ever in my life, pawning tools for groceries.  I had a recent experience though not sure how it rates on the sanity scale, but I woke up and felt that black dark cloud settling over my head.  Sinking for a moment, knowing that depression was setting in.  I just got angry and literally jumped out of bed and screamed NO, not today.  You are not getting the best of me today.  I do not know if it was the adreneline rush of getting up quickly or the anger that was rising but I immediately got in the shower and just went on with my day.  I was OK the rest of the day.  Not really happy but not completely down either.  I guess the point is to never give into negative thought patterns.  If we do they will take over.  I still battle them everyday but they are not who I really am, and someday, I hope I can push past all the mind things I deal with.

Do what you have to do to be well..........

Gem

Posted 3/30/2011 1:20 AM (GMT 0)
Thank PG~

You are so right about the negative stuff, it just really seems to have gotten the best of me lately.  Just really disgusted with my life in general.  Feel fat, ugly and useless.

 

 

Posted 3/30/2011 12:30 PM (GMT 0)
Faith, (Fat, ugly and useless?) somehow I kind of doubt it.  No one is useless, beauty always comes from within, if you are not the weight you want to be, change it.

Now spend the day reflecting on how wonderful you are, all the good things about yourself, love yourself..................There, gosh I'm feeling better already!

Take Care

Gem

Posted 4/1/2011 2:13 PM (GMT 0)
Feel as great as usual today.......I am hoping to be part of a clinical research trial on a new med.  Went to the doctor Wednesday to have a four hour checkup and as usual my heart was acting up and my blood pressure was high but I get to go again next week for another checkup.

 

Something to look forward too right?
Posted 4/1/2011 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
Teresa,

Cool about the clinical trial. I hope that your next check up is better. I take diazide for blood pressure, but I swear the stress of going alone puts it up.

I hope that you are having a good day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/3/2011 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
GB~

Thanks so much my friend.  At this point in time I am taking no medicine and it is killing me.  I have no support or anyone to listen to the fact that once again, my meds are not showing in my blood stream.  You really start to think,why?  Noone listens anyway.

Posted 4/3/2011 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
That is so strange. I have never heard of that happening. Where are they going?

I know that you have had your share of issues Teresa. You seem to be such a strong lady. I don't know how you do it, but you always survive. I sure do hope that the doctors figure this one out. Do keep us posted.

I hope that you are feeling better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/4/2011 10:13 PM (GMT 0)
GB~

You are such a great friend.

 

I have actually thought about moving somewhere else before the summer is over.  I dont think I will ever feel good again.

 

I will keep you posted.

Posted 4/6/2011 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
A change of scenery might be good for you Teresa. Do you have a place in mind? Whichever you choose, I hope that you can be happy there. Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/7/2011 8:40 AM (GMT 0)
hi teresa, how are you doin'. keeping you in my thoughts, jamie. keep strong
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