Am I stupid? am I crazy? Who am I?

Okay I don't know how to say this. people tell I am crazy and stupid for loving animals and nature the way I do. and everyone knows I am already depressed. But This is what I feel when I am around nature. Okay I watch two animals fight or run or anything like that. When I see that the world freezes and the animals movement is in slow motion and I feel like I am the animal(s). Then when i see one die I cant breathe and I hyperventilate. I feel free and loose when I am with them and nature. OMG! nature. I just lose my breath thinking about that. I walk into heaven thinking about it. When I walk into the green woods.. I feel the breeze wrap around me like silk. I close my eyes and feel like im home. I cry every time because I am a wild person and I have never felt stronger and freer around nature and animals. but I have seen an evil side of me that I did not used to have. I get so sad and so mixed up. and I get a terrible migraine like I have now. I also get violent and mean. I feel like a monster and like I was a mistake and should not be here. I know I am here for a reason. but to me it is taunting and torturing. I have asthma and depression and anxiety. I AM a monster. I don't know who I am. it seems like I am going crazy. someone please HEEELLLPPP MEEE!!! I feel like i am in one of those dramatic movies screaming for dear life... but people pass me like I don't exist. I am soo hurt and soo alone. I write this book in my head every day about what I feel and what Is going through my mind. and UGH this migraine is killing me along with everything else. I was not like this in florida. GOSH what am I doing, who am I? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My mind is taking over emotionally. I can't get this hatred, and hurt, and sadness out of my soul. can anybody help me. I need help. I need support, love,acceptance,approval, and a friend, can I find a pen pal that does not cost? What do I do? This agonizing pain and hate from the world is eating me alive. I am saying this stuff and I am only t3 years of age. I am deepest person in my family. No one understands me. HELP

There are medications that can be taken for migraines. Why dion't you talk to your doctor about that. Sometimes we just have to ride them out. It is no fun, but if youn lay down in a dark place with it quiet, they tend to go away. In time. Know that they will always go away. I was told to avoid, chocolate, cheeses and caffiene. They are three foods that can bring on a migraine.

As for your other situation. I am so happy to read that you get into nature. I do too. I have a lot of woods on my property and can see animals all the time. I use to feed the birds, and had all kinds of animals cominmg in from coyotees to bear. Mostly squirrels and turkeys. I also had a family of foxes come in. It was cool. I would put food out for them and they would eat it. But one day one of my dogs got loose and chased one. They moved off after that. My dog came home and had two little wholes in her jaw. I had to take her to the vet to get her on antibiotics. She ended up haveing to get some teeth pulled because of it. Bacteria I guess. I was sad that the foxes left, but happy to have had the experience of it. I even saw a cougar out in the woods once and they aren't know to be around here. Though there are more and more sightings. What I would have done to ahve a camera. I was walking my dogs and saw it up ahead. Just walkign along slow. When I saw it, I thought it was a dog. But when the dogs saw it (they were treeing a squirrel), it turned around and looked at me and I saw it was a young cougar. The dogs took after it and it took one leap and it was gone. I will never forget that. And think of myself as extremely lucky to have witnessed it. I am just glad that they didn't corner it and fight. That could have been bad.

Well, now that I am way off topic with my story, I will get back with it. Enjoy your time with nature. Maybe call it your safe place. Be selfish and keep it for just you. Maybe let some close friends experience it if you want to. I will be getting out in the wood soon. Mushroom picking time will be soon. I love the woods and spend a lot of time out there. I can't do as much as I use to due to the fibromyalgia, but I can still walk some.

I hope that you have a good night. Do keepn posting.  Oh and for the record, you aren't crazy or stupid.  I do a lot of art work and try to keep it all natural.  I make jewelry with leather and stones.  Semi prescious stones.  It is really cool.  And I paint.  I paint wolves, tigers and other animals.  People some, landscapes some.  But wolves are my favorite. 

Hugs, Karen

Make an appointment. Write down everything that you are going through and carry it with you. Let the doctor or counselor read it and get some help that way. Once you start to feel better, you will be able to do more to help around the house and with bills. Because you will be able to work. Unless you are in school and don't have the time. But it will make things better all the way around if you are feeling better. If you ca'nt see the counselor. Talk to a school counselor. They are free.

There are a couple of online sites that might help you. I will post them as soon as I can.

Take care

Hugs, Karen

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I hope that these help you...

I think its the non stop thinking and getting emotional thats giving you the head aches!!!!!! thinking so strongly and emotional about things through out the day can put strain on your head.