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Posted 3/6/2005 2:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hello.

I am new here and newly diagnosed with severe depression and high anxiety.

I was really hoping that the blood tests that my doctor ran would show that either my thyroid or my hormones would be the underlying cause of my depression. Blood tests came back last Thursday and everything is within normal ranges. My menstrual cycle was way off and causing all kinds of problems and I really wanted for that to be the reason that my depression was so bad recently. Unfortunetly, it seems that it is the other way around. I am depressed and that is causing my physical problems.

My doctor put me on WellbutrinXL and has cut me back to one tablet (150mg) per day because I feel so fuzzy and lightheaded. Hoping to increase the dosage back to 300mg daily after another week. I am afraid that this smaller dosage will not be enough to control the depression, and I really don't want to wait a few more weeks to find out that I am no farther ahead than where I was. I don't know if I can continue to function for another month or more while all this is figuring itself out. Why doesn't the danged pill work for me without any problems? These side effects seem to be the minority not the norm according to the drug companies studies.

It just becomes something else to cry about. Why can't I control the tears???

I hate feeling this way. I hate the person that I seem to have become. I went to the doctor because my husband and my mother insisted that I go and find out what was wrong. Hearing someone say that I am depressed didn't help me though. I just feel worse! Something else that I can't control or fix.

How do people fight these emotions?? I am either so angry that I just feel MEAN! Or I am blubbering like some idiot over the dumbest things! My kids don't know what to think other than that mom is slightly nuts these days. I am afraid when I am feeling mean that I am going to say something that will scar them forever. 

 I am what most folks would call a type A personality. I get things done quickly and efficiently and it is usually easier for me to do things myself right the first time then to have to redo what someone else tried to do for me. I feel crazy with this feeling of not knowing what to do and being unsure of myself and full of doubts. I'm even nervous when I am driving-like I am going to cause an accident or something because I'm doing it wrong. For a stay at home, part time working, mom driving is kind of a necessary in our rural area. Then I get in the car and think what would happen if I just started driving and didn't stop....if I just drove away some where...dumb thought for someone who is all of a sudden scared to drive!

This is just so unlike me and I don't know why it's happening. I like to know the answers to things and this is just so hard for me to understand. Where did it come from? How long will it last? Do I have to keep taking pills to be able to be a functioning person? Why?? What happened to the strong competent person I was just a short while ago??  Where did she go and why did she leave me? Nothing horrible has happened in my life, no deaths or new stresses or changes that would cause problems. I have a good marriage with a wonderful husband who has been willing to put up with me and all this nonsense (thank God!) smart kids that do well in school.......What the heck happened???? And why is this happening to me????

Posted 3/6/2005 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
Hi. My name is sherrie. I just joined this site a few days ago and already i find it helpfull.Just nowing that there are people to talk to who are feeling the same as you helps. There is a place you can say whats on you mind and its alright. I myself have been diagnosed with severy depression and high anxieties. I know what you mean about why is this happening. mine is partly stress. I am still so confused about what depression is but i am learning more about it each day. Are you seeing a counselor? I see mine once a week and it really helps me alot.I am on lexapro since dec. or Jan. I don't really remember when because of the depression and meds I have a hard time remembering. I am also on lorazapam for the anxieties. I can only take it as needed because it really puts me in a fog. I would like to make a recomendation to help you. I found a book at barns and nobles call the freedom from depression work book. I still haven't done the work book part of it but there was alot of helpfull info. in it. O.K. I have to go now. Remember just hang in there and come here for support. p.s. I'm sorry that this kind of jumps around part of the depression and meds is my mind runs from one subject to the next.hope to hear from you again.-sherrie
Posted 3/6/2005 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
sherrie,

Thanks for your reply.

I appreciate the kind thoughts.

After reading some of the other posts I really do not think that this is where I belong. I don't have any of the very real problems that others here seem to have.

All the more frustrating for me since I am back to the why is this happening question.

Posted 3/6/2005 5:09 PM (GMT 0)

Michigan,

Please don't feel like you don't belong here.  If you are suffering from depression, then you do.  You don't have to have similar problems as other people on the board; your feelings are valid no matter what the cause.  Try looking up depression on the internet, & you will find a wealth of information.  One of the things I've read is that while depression can be caused by a major stress trigger, that is not the only cause.  It can be a combination of biological, psychological & environmental factors that cause the development of depression.  Have you seen a psychologist?  One of the things that caused me to begin therapy was a fear of driving.  I would feel like I was going to pass out while driving on the highway.  I went to therapy, not knowing what to expect, and it helped me enormously.  I began to look forward to the sessions; it was a safe place to let everything out.

Take care & I hope you continue to visit the board.

Posted 3/6/2005 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
Michigan, It's Sherrie again. I know what you are going through. The worst part of this depression is the why. Like I said before alot of mine is from stress Witch you seem not to have. Just remember the cause of depression has a wide range but the emmotions and feelings are the same and every one here can help you with that. Just take baby steps and find something to smile about once a day it helps. (go to stupid jokes on the web lol) Hope to hear from you soon! -Sherrie
Posted 3/7/2005 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
Michigan, Not getting personal and nosy, but could your problem be perimenpause?I only ask because I am having some of the same symptoms, but I do have stresses(divorced, a son with mental problems, and another son who's 18 and normal but still I worry over him because of the divorce, etc...)I feel a lot of mine is the hormonal shifts which are made even worse from being stressed out,But then who do you know that's alive and NOT stressed about something????haha(oh yeah, forgot to mention an aging mother who's had a knee and hip replacement in the last year, and she lives out of state and I must fly up there in 2-3 weeks!!!!Driving and flying are white knucklers for me!!!!haha)So don't despair...there are a lot of us shaking and quaking our ways through our days!And for me the worst thing I tend to do is not talk about things, which only makes me worse.So try and talk as much as you can, to us or your therapist or whoever....And yes, laughter does help, as sherrie said!
Posted 3/7/2005 6:12 AM (GMT 0)
Michigan,
I'm from Michigan also. Menopausal sypmptoms were the first things I thought of as well as low thyroid, Seasonal Affected Disorder and of course... the danged economy. (just kidding) I know a large number of people who have had no luck at all with the Wellbutrin and have been switched to prozac or zoloft. If that is the case for you ask your dr. to switch the med for you. I'm on zoloft after trying Wellbutrin, prozac and something else that didnt' work. Also, my dr. sent me to a mammalogist for breast pain and tenderness and she put me on evening primrose oil and vitamin B6 for perimenopausal treatment. Worked like a charm on my mood swings and actually helped with my libido. Talk to your doctor about the possibility of using these things to help you out.

About the tears, there is an enzyme that builds up in our brains when we are sad and is excreted directly through tears... or we can wait for days for the body to metabolize it to eliminate it. This is why you usually feel better after a good cry. So cry if you need to sometimes.

I wish I could be more helpful but I've been dealing with this for most of my life and things didn't really get better for me until the SSRI meds came along. If the one you're on isn't working you may need another. Everybody's brain chemistry is different. I'll be thinking of you.
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