My depressing life story

Found this site with google, just wanted to post this...



I am 27 years old and just have very little going for me. When I finished high high school (with poor grades, just never cared enough to be a good student, although was fairly popular and had friends) Although nothing spectacular, the last year of school was probably 1 of the best ive had just because senior year of HS is usually fun. I went to community college for 2 years and went through the motions, then transferred to a local commuter school and went through the motions more. Somehow eeking out a degree in a fairly useless field because I didnt want to put the effort in to get anything more. I did work through college at an easy menial job (always settling) and managed to saveup some money. After college, I moved West (no idea why, just searching for a better life I suppose) and was just depressed, never really found work there and just sort of wasted 15 months out there, then moved home and ive now been living home for 2 years just doing nothing. At various times, ive tried to get stuff going (going back to school, which I never gotoff the ground, getting a job....

When I was 19 and in my 2nd semester in college I started to get bored with partying, hanging out with friends and just did my own thing. Got depressed, would just sit in my room, drink soda and waste time on the internet. My mother owned a very stressful and ultiamtely unsuccessful business with her boyfriend at this time and their negativity and constant bitterness towards life and each other definitely weighed on me. She was also laid off from her regular day job during this time, making things even more stressful around the house. Over the next few years I just halfass worked/went to school while furthering my isolation and depression. I guess I figured everything was OK because on paper I wasnt really doing anything wrong.

That is the cliff notes to my story, other notable areas include that I tried to cure my depression by exercising and this pretty much worked for a few months (definitely felt like I was getting better) until I hurt my knee about 15 months ago (squatting, then hiking) and since have mostly been sidelined. Went to PT 2 different 4 week sessions and had an MRI, nothing really worked too well. So in 2 months of exercise I managed to hurt my knees for life I guess, this really bothered me as I always wanted to be physically fit and in good shape and was finally achieving that goal.

Its amazing to me to think that in 2 months it will be 9 years since I finished high school and my life has just continued to decay more and more until I got to this point.


I finally started seeing a therapist about a month ago and to be honest it hasnt really helped too much.

You said in the past that you only halfassed did things. Is this the case now with your counseling? We have to work at getting better, it doesn't just happen. If you aren't putting your all into it, you are only going to get part of it back. So the question is, are you trying hard enough? I just wanted to focus on that as you said you didn't give a full try back in college and highschool. Maybe if you gave more of yourself, you would get better results.

Either way, depression doesn't discriminate. It just picks whoever it wants. And it is no fun at all. I would continue with the counseling. If this doesn't work out, get another counselor, this one might not be the fight fit for you. Have you talked to a psychiatrist? You might need help with medications too. Keep trying, give it your all. Get better now so that you don't have a lifetime of struggling with it. I have suffered with depression for close to 30 years. It is a struggle. But I find my way.

Keep posting and know that we all care.

Hugs, Karen