Self sabatoge

I recently have started to realize how much that I have sabatoged every relationship that I have ever been in.Firstly it is extremly hard to be able to confide in anyone for fear of being judged.I am a young mother of two beautiful children and have an extremly understanding and loving husband.My question is what do u do when u have in your past and continuing in to the now felt the need to either cheat,argue or any other thing to run ur love away?This is what I have done since I started dating I would start to feel something for a person and everything would be fine and I would do something to screw it all up.The problem is now I am grown women and am married with a family and I don't wanna mess this up.To describe my history my mother and father split when I was very young and I also lost my father at 7 yrs old.My mother has been suffering depression for yrs and remarried my stepfather who was abusive to me in peticular.Ialso have 2 half sisters.My stepdad was controling and very strict.When my father died there wasn't any comfort from anyone.I have gone through some therapy over the yrs and have had some help but feel like this pattern never goes away.I am at a loss for what to do ,I know maybe more therapy would do good but any other advice will be great.Thanks!

Thank u!Any advice is def appreciated. I know for sure therapy is whats needed,I just know theres no quick fix and I guess thats whats so frustrating.I gotta take all of this a day at a time