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Depression
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Posted 6/1/2011 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
I am new at this and dont know what i am doing. It all started in september of 2010. I was 7 months pregnant at the time with ferternal twins. A nebiour of mine had given me a hot tub that he was holding for a friend that never came back to get it. At the time my mother inlaw was doing some renivations to her home and was looking for one , so me and my boyfriend offered it to her for $150. She was very angrey that we were looking for money from her for it and this is how it all began. At the time her and my mother were planning a babyshower for me and she wanted to have it at her home. I didnt want to have it ther as my guessed did not know her and i didnt want them to feel uncomfortable and thought it would be better to have it at my house. That night i called her to talk about the hot tub issue and told her that it was getting out of  hand and she responded by saying after everything she has done for us how dare we try to charge her for this hot tub. Then that began into another argument. I then precceded to tell her that i wanted to have the baby shower at my own home and she got very upset and hung up on me. I try to call her back 3 times to tell her i still wanted her to help and be there i just didnt want it to be at her home, but she wouldnt give me the time of day to get it out she just contiued to yell and hang up, so i gave up. She never did continue to help with the bay shower and did not show. For the past 7 months this has been a never ending battle and we both did and said some very hurtful things to each other. My boyfriend then began to fight with his mom also and my parents began to dilike her because of the things she was doing and saying to me. In october of 2010 my twins were born and she wanted to see them so we met up at the hospital and did that. Later that night she said that she wanted to drop everything and move on but i wasnt ready to do that until i got out what i had to say and let her know the things she did to me was wrong and hurtful. So i wrote her an email she didnt like what i had to say and wrote back with a nasty response so the fight continued. Last week my boyfriend decided to let things go and have a realtionship with his mom due to he hadnt seen her in 7 months this led to me and my boyfriend haveing a big fight and my parents getting mad with him on the bright side we worked it out and moved on. So lately i have been thinking on forgiving her and moving on and allowing her to have a relationship with my kids due to they are 7 months old and she has only seen them once but im scared to let it go because of my parents dislikeing her they constinly are drilling me about never forgiving her and not letting her see the twins due to she is a bad person and will never change. But its been keeping me up at night because i wonder when is it ever ok to forgive her. I would really like to but i am very close with my parents and i know they would flip out and think my boyfriend made me do this. Does any one have any advice on what i should do.
Posted 6/1/2011 4:22 PM (GMT 0)
I would forgive her for the children's sake. I do agree that the 150.00 for the hottub was a good deal and she shouldn't have squabbled about that. But that sounds like her personality. When she does something nice for you, she shouldn't expect anything in return. But there we go again, that is the way that she is. If you can accept that, that would be good. Nobody is perfect. I would tell my parents that she is allowed to see the twins as she is their granmother. But don't let it get out of hand. Keep things on your terms to be fair to all. What I mean really is don't let her run you, or take advantage of the situation. But let her see them. I think forgiveness is the best. Let it go. Don't worry about what you didn't get to say. Put it behind you, but keep an eye on her and her antics.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/1/2011 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you soo much for the advice, I think my mom is going to cry and my dad is going to stop talking to me. Im tarrified about this. Do you have any thoughts of what i should do if my dad stops talking to me.
Posted 6/1/2011 7:29 PM (GMT 0)
I don't think that they will do that. They love their grandchild and I believe that they would be happy and still want to see them. I hope that they are mature in that nature. If you are in a real delema, I would highly suggest you go to counseling and have a counselor help you deal with this. They really do help. Please consider it. You shouldn't be stuck in the middle, these are all mature adults here. One day at a time too. That really helps.

I hope that you can work things out so that the children are happy.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/3/2011 2:02 PM (GMT 0)
John,

I replied to your post and must have forgottne to click on submit, because I don't see my reeply. The best thing that I think you could do is have her visit her school counselor and see where she stands after failing two classes. He can sort things out for her. If she is still depressed talk her into going to her doctor for a physical to make sure that there is nothing else going on. She may need medications or counseling.

I hope that this helps.

Hugs, Karen
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