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Posted 7/19/2011 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
I tried to just sleep without the ambien but no luck, especially during theday. It would actually make the racing thoughts worse. The dr wants me to now only do ambien if I need to... out of 4 nights.. I went the first night no sleep unil 5am no ambien, 2nd night crashed at 9:30 w/ 5mg ambien, 3rd night no sleep until 3:30 no ambien and then last night no sleep until 3 no ambien
Posted 7/19/2011 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
It definately sounds like you need the ambien to sleep. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. If I don't, I meditate and then I fall to sleep within minutes. The only time I can't sleep is when I wake up early in the morning (4:00am) pain. Then I can't lay there any longer. I have to get up. I kind of like it though. I don't know why. Maybe because nobody else is up. And I like to listen to the birds in the morning when the sun rises.

Peaceful thoughts.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/19/2011 11:58 AM (GMT 0)
Yep! Definately need the ambien to sleep! I tried one more night without it... and Im still awake.. Part of it though was fueled by being angry with my friend which kicked in a manic episode... I left her house & went walking walmart at 4:30a after she got home from work for a couple hours until felt like Im gonna pass out. I hear what your sayinig about the peacefull thoughts & the sun rise... had a beautiful sun rise this morning.. helped my mind chill
Posted 7/19/2011 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
I am glad that you saw the sunrise. It is beautiful. But I fear that you need sleep. Do you get enough ambien for the month? Or does he just give you a few of them? Sleep is so important for us to function and think straight. Do try to get some.

Take care Nichole.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/20/2011 2:56 AM (GMT 0)
I took about a 3 hr nap after I got home. I have ambien but instead of taking it every night they said just when needed. I know I needed it but also had the urge to take 2-3 at a time so left it alone. I could feel the mania coming on. It started out as like a headache but felt.. different If my friend takes the baby into his room tonight, ill take it. I dont like being out so deep with needing to hear the baby. This afternoon I was yawning so bad & felt so tired.. even laid down with the baby who fell quickly asleep & usually is better sleep aid than the ambien lol but no such luck but I did at least rest.
How are you doing?

Hugs, Nichole
Posted 7/20/2011 3:15 AM (GMT 0)
Just trying to out last this heatwave. It has been terribly hot. So I lose energy when it is like that. But I have been hiding out in the house in the air conditioning. Though this morning I had to go into town and get my meds. But I have air in my truck so that is cool. It helps. Though a lot of it makes me ache, so I can't win for losing. It really isn't as bad as I am making it sound. It just keeps coming out wrong.

Doesn't just one ambien work for you? I don't understand why you want to take two or three at a time. I just take one. Maybe you need stronger ones. Or do they make them any stronger? Just curious I guess...

Take care Nichole,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/20/2011 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
I totally understand about the heat! Its been the similar for me.

One ambien does work but it takes an hour or two to kick in. Theres been times I can take it and still go through the night without sleep. Sometimes can do the same with 2.. 3 makes me sleep fairly quickly but only for a couple hours. The nurse practitioner said it could be the lexapro reacting with it. Its like with 2 nights of no sleep, the naps I did take during the day were 3 hours max and only one time each day. Ive been in like a mixed state so the mania part I think keeps me up & going but the depression part keeps me just wanting to sleep & take more of the med to make me sleep quicker.
Posted 7/20/2011 2:25 PM (GMT 0)
It does sound like maybe the lexapro is not letting the ambien do it's job. Is there anything else that you can try for sleep. Have you ever tried melatonin? It is a natural hormone that is in our body but when we get in our 30's it starts to not work. It is a naturla supplement. It might help you. I don'[t know. I would talk to the doc first before trying it. If you do.

I feel so bad whe people don't get sleep. I sleep really sound with ambien. I wish you could too. I take that and a xanax. And fall right to sleep. As soon as my head hits hte pillow.... Knock on wood. I want this to last.

Best wishes Nichole.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/21/2011 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
I took the ambien last night but was otu of lexapro. I CRASHED! Today has been better though.. Started it off with walking the trails with a friend. Got some of my house clean, window shopping with another friend, finding clothes that fit & are actually feminine as well as my size.. and then came home & got the back of my car cleaned out. Now time to chill out and enjoy the evening. :)

I haven't tried any other medication besides the lexapro & ambien yet. I jsut started getting meds in May.

I'm gonna go relax and watch a movie :) Hope you ahve a great evening!
Posted 7/21/2011 12:58 AM (GMT 0)
If you started the meds in May, the lexapro should be working now. It has been over eight weeks. Maybe that is why you are feeling better today, it is in your system now. Are you still out of lexapro? Can you get more. You need to keep it in your system if it is working now.

I hope that you enjpy your movie. I have got to do dishes. lol... Got the baseball game on.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/21/2011 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
I can feel the difference since I decreased back down to 20 mg. I think between finally communicating and setting up some boundaries with my friend and the extra exercise today that also has helped. I think I have enough money to get the lexapro script filled for tonight but gonna hold off on starting abilify until payday.. Need the money for food lol
I finished a movie from netflix called "manic".. It was interesting. Made me think about things differently. I now have pandora playing in the background. :) I have dishes you can do for me! lol Whos playin?

hugs!
Posted 7/21/2011 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
The Detroit tigers and Oakland. I think that the tigers just took the lead. We have been having a tough streak so I am glad to see them leading. lol...

I would do your dishes, but got to do mine first. That could take awhile. You would get sick of waiting. lol...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/21/2011 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
lol I'd rather go to the laundry mat & do laundry than do dishes! Weird thing is I help my friend with dishes all the time when Im over there.. something about mine that is very UNmotivating! lol

I dont watch much baseball.

Bouncing from manic to a mixed state has felt really weird... Today Ive actually been smiling and enjoying everything without that feeling of having to keep moving or constantly on the go. Ive been ok with staying at home. There was a little time of dissapointment when my friend asked me to come watch the kids but then canceled cuz her hubby didnt wanna go out. I droze around pouting for a lil bit but then snapped out of it and took care of following up on some business setting up appts that I needed to. & then my friend actually wanted to go window shopping & left hubby home with the kids lol It's so nice to smile without the weird feelings in my head.. Dont want it to go away
Posted 7/21/2011 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
Enjoy it!!! I am happy for you. Be confident that you will wake up tomorrow feeling good. My tigers lost the game. Boo!!! Oh well, they will do better next time I hope.

Hope that you are having a good night. I am about to turn the puter off. It is so muggy here that I can't stand it. Waiting for rain or a cool down.

Speaking of laundromats, I have to do that too. I always wait a long time, and have a ton of it to do. I will get to it sooner or later.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/21/2011 5:42 AM (GMT 0)
Well it lasted for a couple more hours at least.. Hoping the morning itll be back. I thought I was strong enough to confront my dad one some things and he was nice & it didn't go too bad. I dunno, after talking my questions & his answers over with my friend Marian.. It feels like Ive been the one making a big deal out of nothing... so confused right now.

Off to sleep though! EKG first thing in the morning and then walkin with my friend... Will probably babysit for my other friend for a few hours later on. We will see.

Hope your tigers do better next time!! & I soooo agree about the muggyness! ugh!!!
Posted 7/21/2011 6:48 AM (GMT 0)
I thought today I was strong enough to handle it. After all it had been a great day. I was feeling happy all day.
When I first texted my dad I just said "You know Ive been working on a lot of things in therapy. Where do you want our relationship to go from here? Right now, it'd be best if we use txt or email for now"

He said "Our relationship?...? Do we even have one? Are you sure you are ready for this? U refuse to talk to me. but if txt or email is my only choice... Then email,
Our relationship is soley biased and based on yout perception dictated by your mom's opinions. Apparently not by your discernment. You based your hate on your mom's hatred"

I just simply said "Where do you WANT it to go? Do you want one?"

He sent "I want one ... Personal though.. Txt and email is so impersonal.. Question is do u want one"

I said that I already explained why I did not talk to him on the phone and that is one thign Im still working on. That its not just him but several people that I dont talk to on the phone. Its less anxiety for me to text or email.

He then went in to asking about my weight (as usually) I was nice and just answered his questions.

One good thing he did say though was " Ive always proudly said I have 4 kids.. Then added the other two. YOU are part of the four! You asked me why I always put you last when I called the names... You were fourth because were number four - never last! I didnt know how to say that before this moment Lydia you mean a lot to me. I dont have all the money u think I have. All of Jacqueline's inheritance is frozen for retirement. True enough we do better than paycheck to paycheck - but we arent rich. I havnt been up there because of the expense to rent a car, gas costs & hotel chrgs. Thats the only reason!
you put forth no effort to come see me or call. Its never more than a txt or email of which emotions can be so easily mis-interpreted. do u know how i long to hear your voice? your laugh is cute, yet I never get to hear it"

He does sound genuine... That's what scares me.. Do I trust it and let my guard down? Has most of the stuff just been festering inside my head instead of being something that was actually an issue..? Is not talking to him because it creates high anxiety or just because my mind doesn't want to deal with the change? All my life I craved to have a relationship with him but felt rejected at every turn.. Could most of that rejection been all in my head?....
Posted 7/21/2011 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
It could be that the rejection was in your mind. Maybe not all of it, but some. I would give him a chance and see where it takes you. You can always back out at anytime. But take it slow so that you are comfortable with it. Don't rush anything. Keep the ball in your court. I can understand why you are leary, you don't want to be hurt. So go at a snails pace and do what is comfortable for you.

I hope you and your dad can have a good relationship. Give it a try.

Many hugs, Karen
Posted 7/21/2011 10:52 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen :) Im gonna try! I had a HUGE anxiety attack last night about it all.. I def dont miss those! lol Doing alright today though :)

How are you?

Nichole
Posted 7/21/2011 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
I am good, still hot. But it cooled off some.

Thanks for asking.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/21/2011 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
Good to hear :) not sure what its like here.. I was out sweltering this morning but havnt been out since

Hope you have a great evenign!
Posted 7/22/2011 12:47 AM (GMT 0)
they are talking thunderstorms this weekend and cooling off on monday. I sure do hope so. We'll see what tomorrow brings. You have a good evening too.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/23/2011 6:52 AM (GMT 0)
I would love to see some thunderstorms and especially a cooling off!!!

Well I think I hit either a roadblock or a milestone today.... I am finally admitting to myself the true issues with my dad.. Much of it has been all in my head.. It is hard to admit because I have held so much anger against him for so long...
Posted 7/23/2011 12:32 PM (GMT 0)
I hope that goes well for you. Sounds like you have a lot to deal with. I wish you the very best in handling this. Know I am here for you Nichole.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/23/2011 5:28 PM (GMT 0)
thanks Karen! If you could add my mother to your prayers, she is having a 3rd heart surgery on Wednesday. Her 2nd one was in just in June... They are posibly going to put in a pacemaker this time. I really want tto bee there but my car wont make it and after talking with other famly that would have to come get me and getting chastised about my car not being fixed I decided it'd be best if I stayed here.. i have a couple friends here that said they would help me distract especially the day of surgery
Posted 7/23/2011 5:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nichole,

Yes, I will put your mother in my prayers. I am sorry that your car isn't running good. But happy that you have friends to keep your mind occupied. I hope that all goes well for your mom's surgery. I will be thinking of you both.

Today I have to go to a wedding reception so I will be gone most of the afternoon and evening. Not too big on going to these things. Skipping the wedding part. I didn't even want to go to my own. lol...

Have a great day Nichole.

Hugs, Karen
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