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Dealing with my mom...

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Posted 7/7/2011 4:53 AM (GMT 0)
I have posted in the past about my mom, but tonight she yet again brought me down.  She is a very mean and manipulative person, but she can also put on the "charm" so to speak.  She'll talk to you like the nicest, sweetest person but at the same time say some really mean things.  By the time you finish talking to her you feel like the worst person alive and don't know what hit you.  Well, what started the whole thing tonight was me telling her that I want to move in with my boyfriend in a few months.  She acted all happy and supportive, then slowly started bringing out the negative comments.  Things like why she and my family don't like my boyfriend, that my dad feels the same way she does but doesn't say anything, that I'm to blame for the rift in our family.  I can't make her see that she is sooo mean and manipulative, my counselor tells me that I can't change her and I just need to move on with my life and make myself happy.  I just still hold onto the hope that I can make her see it and change her, but everytime I try I end up feeling horrible about myself until I go talk to someone else.  My friends and boyfriend always tell me that she's wrong, I'm not a bad person and they make me feel better about everything.  I know when I move out I will be so much happier, I just wish it could be now.  I've tried telling my mom all of this and more, hoping she would wake up and realize how she treats me and my boyfriend.  All she does though is twist everything around.  Maybe in her mind the things she says are true?  I don't know, I think she needs serious mental help but refuses to get it...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/7/2011 6:30:11 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/7/2011 12:34 PM (GMT 0)
HI Finallyhappy,

I gave your thread a title. If we don't, then later on we have to find all the posts with no subject and read them and give them a title later so I thought it better now. This attracts people to your thread too.

I think by working on yourself you are doing the best thing. Your counselor is right when he said you can't change her. She has to do that on her own and to do that, she has to recognize that she has a problem. That could take years, or less, but in the meantime, take care of you.

I am sure that you will be much happier when you move out. And eventually she will wake up, but that isn't your responsibility. Your responsdibility is to you. Takeing care of you and learning how to cope with her until she does change.

Keep seeing your counselor and take care of you. You will be happy soon. You are a good person, remember that. Don't let her cause you to think otherwise.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/7/2011 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
thank you, this made me feel better :) its so hard working on myself when she says so many hurtful things to me. she also says horrible things about my boyfriend, i think she is trying to get me to break up with him which is NOT going to happen. She just can't see that he makes me the happiest I have ever been. It's sad.
Posted 7/7/2011 6:05 PM (GMT 0)
Gettingby is right, Finally Happy,

I would add to her thread that, when people speak, they don't reveal
the real truth of a matter, they really reveal more of themselves than anything else. Each time your mother puts you down, she is revealing part of herself that she is unleashing from within. You're a smart girl to realize that, especially at a young age.

I've always felt that we have to live by our own deepest principles and
disregard who someone else thinks we are. You should never judge yourself based on another's  opinion. In fact, you should never judge yourself at all; just evaluate who you are based on your
own principles and live by them. That's one way to become independent and to be really free from the baggage of negativism tossed your way.


That's going to place a big responsibility on your shoulders, though. You're going to have to be sure that you make the best decisions you can abide by and live according to the truth as you see it and be honest about your selections and decisions. It's so easy to make mistakes when we are learning to live life. Be sincere with yourself and others and let go of the things and people who are insincere and
negative about life or you.

Be good and live responsibly.

Take care.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 7/7/2011 6:20:16 PM (GMT-6)

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