About2 Explode holding it all in,

New here seeking help

Hello Karen,
Well i was abused by my father at the ages 13-17 and when I came forth to tell my mother her reaction wasnts what i exspected, I am not seeking help of any kind.Needless to say i have thought about it but never tooking that step. I'm in a relationship with2small children involved and its starting to take effect on my life,im afraid that I can't leave my children alone w/their father because of it, sometime it bother me somuch to the fact that i shut myself off from the outside world because the pain of being let down,broken hearted,lied to and decieved get the best of me and when i'm ask if something wrong i'm screaming on the inside but nathing but a lie comes out an says "no i'm fine" denial, its a problem for me.

Yes it's affecting me alot right now, and i no it's going to take more just me to solve my problem. As for my mother her reaction where she seem as if she knew already but confused&shocked but maybe she was afraid because he abuse her also,at the same time she didnt do anything about it and remained in a relationship by that time i had graduated and moved out she never spoke of it until this day and she walks around like it's okay and i spoke on it once with a person i found comfort in and her founding out she responding that i should stop saying that before it gets out. I'm very insecure and have trust issue.

He does not have issue it's me afraid that my children would be mistreatd while not in my care because of my trust issue he's a wonderful father but thought never leave my mind that it could happen because it happen to me right in the only place i called home.

Yes we are still together have been for 3yrs now we have a 4yr old son and a 7month old daughter he has told me that he feels like i neglect him in our relationship at time because i get into a state of depression or let my problem overcrowd my mind until it takes a heavy toll on me. I'm a stay at home mom and i tried to have time off to mysel but it's then when i'm heavily attack with the crying and random thoughts.

Find a counselor. You could be suffering from ptsd from the past abuse. It is definately effecting you. Don't worry about what he thinks, take care of you. I know that you feel like you are neglecting him, but you aren't. You are more likely to be neglecting you. You really have to take care of this issue, so that you can move on. I do understand your insecurities about your kids being in the care of somebody else. You want to protect them from any harm. I bet that they are so cute at the ages that they are at. You are lucky to have them. And they are lucky to have you for a mom.

So think about counseling. If money is an issue, they often work on a sliding scale and you can get to see somebody for a very low price. I am hoping that isn't an issue for you. But you really need to heal hon. And I want to see that happen. If you don't know how to go about it, talk to your doctor and maybe get a referral.

I don't like that you said that he said " only the weak lets the past keep them down". That isn't true. Everybody who has suffered trauma in the past like you have has to go through a healing process. And because your mother didn't protect you, you have a double whammy. Real trust issues because you didn't have anybody to trust back then, how can you be expected to trust now? I truly understand what you are going through. Give yourself a break. Take a few deep breaths, and know that you are going to get better and feel better soon. You just have to get on a path and follow it.

We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen