Wife never is passionate- ??

The last 2 months I have gone into a mode where I try to initaiate sex, but when it looks like- ok lets get this over with, I am not even wanting it. We have used a sex toy "the bull" for the past 7 years (since we had kids) or so during sex 90-95% of the time and she always gets her climax and so do I. There is never any love put into it by her. I try to kiss on her, but she is like a lets get this over with no touching kind of attitude.

We have 3 kids and she complains because they are touching her all day, so she doesn't want to be touched by me. I do everything I can for my family, working 50 hours, letting her work 12 hours, cooking 1/4 of the time, cleaning after her (she cleans after the kids, but never after herself), laundry 1 time per wk, lawn, and so on... We sit every night and I rub her feet while she rubs my back, while we watch tv for an hour before bed.

I do find myself touching her on occasion just to make some sort of contact and that is not good. I have tried not touching for a month and still same no sex outcome. I have taken her to different getaways and it is still like she has to have sex. not that she wants too. I have taken the kids to my parents for days at a time, even leaving them there so we have time to ourselves and still not happening.

I finally flipped out the other day, because we where in bed and I was horny and she says oh get out the bull, the usual lets get this over with way. I got it out and started trying to kiss her and get her in the mode of actually wanting it and just not having to give it and she wanted none of that again! So I threw the bull against the wall and said I was sick of this and went down stairs to sleep.

We have so much in common, as if she is a mirror image - like the person that likes everything you like including sports! We where made for each other- except for this department lately. We started our relationship having sex a lot pretty much until we got married. As if this is suppose to happen to every marriage! I have seen my dad suffer his whole life because of my mom not wanting him and I have seen people cheat because their significant others don't have sex with them.

I am not into the cheating thing, but I cannot watch my life go by not being totally happy. I want to talk to her, but she never wants to. She is very solid and doesn't ever cry about real life. Kind of a get over it attitude. We have text before about this months ago and she says its her. Then she just text me last night saying she was sorry she was making me unhappy.

The last time we where having great sex was before the kids 7 years ago and would get **** movies to watch together. She is now scared to get movies or go to shops, I think afraid of someone seeing her she knows, which I understand.

I really realize why most men cheat on their wives, because there is nothing going on at home and the opportunity comes along during that time. But there are some dogs that do it no matter what the situation is.. Why do women let the situation come to this? And I am not blaming women, it is obviously the mans fault for being unfaithful, instead of getting a divorce. But is a divorce, what women want instead? I resort to the internet to fill that gap, but I want my wife back!

I think talking through this is the way to start, but how do I start that talk with a person not wanting to talk about our relationship? Should I text her while I am at work? That somewhat seems the way, since she text me sorry and never says it ti my face...

Where to go from here?

Post Edited (meloman2003) : 7/30/2011 10:24:09 PM (GMT-6)

I took her ino a room and talked to her Sunday night. I really don't know what is going to happen. She blamed herself for not satisfying me and says that she is tired come evening and really doesn't want another thing on her list of to dos. Pretty much that it is a chore! She doesn't feel good about herself to do anything exciting and feels older then when we where crazy 7+ years ago. The thing is she doesn't do anything about it. I told her if she doesn't go to the doctor and get sleeping pills or figure out what is going on then nothing will change.

I told her to go today (Tuesday), because I was off work. Did she even go? NO!

She said that her passion is when we sit and rub at night to watch TV. That is great, I fulfill that every night, what about my passion? She said she doesn't like to makeout, (which I guess is my fault, because I knew that from the get go), but she loved sex and me. She says she loves me very much and is not sure what to do. She said what about a hobby together. I came up with Yoga every night on the wii, before we sit and watch TV. Well I can tell you what we haven't done!.. She doesn't like running.

2 nights since talk (did I mention, she didn't cry at all during the talk), she has gone to bed at 9:30p.

Before the talk, I talked to her multiple times on the phone and waited for the end of the coversation when you hang up for the I Love You and NOTHING! She said during the talk that she would try more kisses and hugs and I love you's, which she has. - 1 win

I just don't know how long to wait. Obviously 2 days so far! lol   TBC