Very lonely and very hurt

I have a very bad problem with being terriby lonely. I only have 2or 3 friends that I ever do anything with and that is usually about every  1 or 2 months. We do talk on the phone but i can't always be calling as I don't want to be a nuisance. I live alone and I figure that I must spend at least 70 % of my time alone. When I go out it is to do errands by myself and then I come home to a lonely, quiet empty house. I have two grown sons but they have their own lives and don't pay much attention to me. I am just old mom who is good for a loan when they need it. To be fair my older son is much more attentive and  really does appreciate it when I help him. My younger son is very impatient and says hurtful things to me. I am very sensitive and if he tells me something and I don't understand and ask him to repeat it he gets so angry at me because he says I just don't listen. But I do, I just don't understand what he means. This is hurting me so badly I can't even cry right now because I am not sure how to act or what to think or do. Tomorrow I planned a very nice day for me and my younger son, older one is on vacation. We are going to the horse races and I planned this a long time ago. He has all kinds of other weekend plans so he is "fitting"me in. I feel very strange taking him out for such a nice day when I feel he is so hostile to me. I know I have to keep my mouth shut and just go and try to have a good time. I got good box seats and we will have lunch in one of the nice restaurants at the race park. I don't know how I am going to enjoy this as I feel so upset with him. He only comes through for me if it is an emergency like when I have been very ill. He always asks me for big loans to help pay for taxes or assessments and I have always helped him as I don't want him to have problems.

My son doesn't understand how lonely I feel. He rarely calls me. He says if I am lonely then I know what to do.

I have signed up for many classes and lectures but still haven't made a connection with anyone. There will be new classes in Sept, that I have signed up for and hope that this time I will find at least one friend to do things with. I don't live in an area where there are group functions such as a sewing group so there is nothing to join. There are bible classes at church but I have taken those and it is not really my thing.

I was wondering if others ever feel as I do or have a boxed myself into a corner that I can't get out of.

I know I won't get many replies as I am older than most of the people on the forum but it would be nice to hear from a few people who understand what I am going through. Also, I have heard that people who are lonely and depressed like I am are at a much bigger risk of developing a serious illness. This worries me a lot as I have had several major illnesses and I don't want to get so sick again. Appreciate any help I can get.

Aurora

Hi Karen,

I know you do understand how lonely I am and I appreciate the advice you give me. I guess at this point my biggest hurt is why my son treats me so badly. I have been a single mother and raised my boys from the time they were 9 mos and 5 years. My younger son is a financial advisor so I know he has a very stressful job but I can't understand a son that I have treated with such love, kindness and caring would be so cruel to me. I spoke with a friend about it and she gets the same from her son and told me the best thing is to ignore it. I guess I will have to try. The hurt I am feeling is so unbearable at this point I can't think where this will lead to. I will keep my mouth shut but even at times we have gotten along he goes back to his old ways with me. I don't know if you remember but I was the one who got him through that really rough time he had when he broke up with his fiance. I get the feeling that some children just don't think their mothers are very worthy people once they reach a certain age and the child no longer needs them. And right now I am feeling like a totally worthless person.

Aurora

My dog gets me through many rough times. When I am down, she acts like a little clown to cheer me up! There are so many dogs right now looking for good homes. Good rescue organizations can help you find a dog that fits your personality/lifestyle & fitness level. I know it is another responsibility & there are some costs involved, but our dog has been a fantastic investment & provides a lot of companionship. I have a house full of people & still can feel lonely sometimes. Walking the dog provides companionship with exercise. I'm more likely to exercise because of my dog.

I know what you are both saying is right. But I am at the point where I just can't take anymore. I am so sad and so upset and I can't stop crying. My son is not ever going to appreciate me until I am not on this earth anymore. He is as selfish as can be. When I was in the hospital having a very serious colon surgery he was still yelling at me and telling me what to do. He only cares about himself. I don't know how I raised such a selfish thoughtless person. His father was not around except one weekend a month to take my boys out for fun. I got all the hard work and raised them myself. I thought I had raised such wonderful caring boys. My oldest is. But this younger one cares only for himself and who or what can be done for him. He cares very little for me. Only when I am sick or hurt does he show any sympathy. I know this is a lost cause. I am going to have to learn to ignore him and just have very superficial words with him. I can't speak to him unless he speaks to me otherwise he jumps down my throat. I can't think of another time when he has been as cruel to me.

As far as a dog, I just lost mine the end of May and I can't even think about getting another one right now.

You are probably thinking I am being irrational. I am just more upset than I have ever been and it is coming out in what I am writing. I wouldn't say these things if they were not true.

Aurora

my healing compassionate prayers to you, jamie