I had my only child when I was 43, Katie. She just turned 15. She had a really happy childhood living on the water with 6or7 kids around her age. I remember sitting on the deck and watching them cannonball into the water, girls squealing, laughing. She loved school, did well, had good friends. We didn't have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of but she didn't know that.
She was outgoing, but there was always this little private place where no one else went. She turned to me when she was 4 and said"You'll never really kniow what I'm thinking".
Her father would have been ADHD if they knew what it was and is currently unmedicated bipolar. He is so angry, irritable...our very existence seems to irritate him. He blows at every thing, he is always critical of her (about her hair or dress-like a 62 yr old man knows anything about that). He thinks a heavy hand and repressive rules are right(I don't mean physically). I grew up ina repressive home and I rebelled li,ke hell, so I am a gentler Mom, try to talk and reason with her. Our marriage is visibly unhappy and I admit, I do undermine him b/c he's so unreasonable.
Until 2005, we were pretty happy. We were ground zero for Katrina...there was 35 feet of water at our house, we had friends drown in their attics, trying to scratch their way out, we saw bloated bodies..we lost our home, our jobs, our church, school. We left after a week, FEMA still was no there. Moved to NC, then we lostmy half brother, 2 first cousins, my Dad died and hubby was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I got depressed and my fibro exploded. We lived ina tiny trailer for 3 years. Now we are in our new home-shouldbe happy, right?
Cancer is in remission-good. But I started noticing extreme fatigue, headaches, stomach trouble, explosive short temper fits. Thought teenager, then took her to doc, blood work all regular. I know that if both parents have amental illness, the child has 80% of having one too. She is turning into the spitting image of her father and she is so obviously unhappy. She came and laid down w/ me other day and said, crying"I'm tired of being sad, being angry and not caring about other people"...NOT CARING about OTHERS!!!! That scares me. We go for testing and counseling Monday but she says she's not talking to any stranger, but she will test. What have we done? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy and the most precious thing in my life is miserable and mean. She had big plans last night to go with a bunch of kids to Homecoming game. She came home alone and went to bed, said she was tired..
What if we can't help her? All any of us want for our children is to be happy and now, apparently the most important job I'll ever had, I've screwed up...please pray for Katie
Maggie