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Please help. My wife is dealing with depression

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Depression
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Posted 10/7/2011 9:42 PM (GMT 0)
I am here looking for help. My wife is very depressed. Our relationship is suffering. Due to a short time let me give a brief overview. We have been married for 5 yrs, have an 8 yr old & a 4 yr old son. The 8 yr old is from a previous relationship but as far as he knows I'm his dad. She says that she is having panic attacks and depression but doesn't understand why. She is a wonderful & dedicated woman. My mother in law came from out of town to stay with us for a couple of weeks & take care of the kids while my mom was out of town. She has now been with us for a month & my mom is back in town. Yes she seems to shut me out & has very little to do with me. She is very close to her family & wants her mom to stay for a while.she says that she has asked her mom to stay indefinitely . I have tried to be close to her & be supportive( take her to Dr. & generally be supportive). She has brought up that our marriage could be better and wants to go to counciling. I have agreed. In the meantime my mother in law is taking total control of the house. She is a very nice lady but is right in the middle of everything. I have always cooked dinner etc.... Now my MIL is cooking , is in every room in the house, and is even sleeping in my bed while I'm at work overnight. My wife tells me that she needs her mom here for a while but it seems to be causing problems in all aspects of our life. It is like being all alone in my own house. I desperately want to be a part of the healing but have tried and don't know how anymore. I feel so helpless & not useful anymore. My 4 yr old son thinks I hung the moon so I spend most of my time with him. My 8 yr old has always been & grandmas boy so he spends most of his time with her. I am always telling my wife that I
Here for her for whatever she may need but I have not been needed lately.I don't want to upset her anymore but I really think it is harmful for her mom to be here after over a month. She( MIL) has always been overly helpful, too much in fact. I really want my immediate family back and to function with my family unit. I love my wife dearly and want to help her in any way I can. I am lost and don't know anymore what to think of our current situation... Any advice... Please help!
Posted 10/7/2011 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lost & searching,

Welcome to the depression forum. This is a tough one. Because of the fact your wife wants her mother there. Have you thought about couple's counseling? I think that might be a good idea. Then you can let her know how you feel. And she can let you know how she feels. If I were you, I would talk to her about it and set up an appointment.

Don't feel left out if you can help it. This may be your wife's way of healing and things could get better. Though I can see your point for wanting your family back. I really think having a counselor go over what the two of you are going through would help. They would be objective in this. You would get some much needed input.

Best wishes, I hope that this works out for all of you. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/7/2011 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, Lost and Searching, and welcome to the Depression Forum,

I tend to agree with you that in-laws' welcome can wear out rather quickly if they are not handled very delicately. And every family needs its independence. However, in this case, your wife is revealing
that her little child within needs the support of her mother. The plea
to keep her mother at your home is going to continue until something is done to break the regression to a childlike desire.

Counselling is an excellent start. Get into it with a psychiatrist as soon as you are able and let the physician know the truth of what is happening in the home.

It is the wise in-law who recognizes the family's need for independence and can readily pack her bags and go back home to visit again in another year or so for a SHORT time!

Your problems can be resolved; bring it all to light in the presence of a specialist along with proper medication if called for in you and/or your wife temporarily.  Things will get better soon.

Others will be along to express their views, I think.

Good Wishes,

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 10/7/2011 10:23:36 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/9/2011 4:13 PM (GMT 0)
So here it is , day 35 & my mother in law is still here. I work a week at a time and this is my work week. My mother in law is still here( running the house). My wife seems to be a little better. She says she doesn't feel depressed but more anxious with panic attacks. Yesterday I came home from work and my mother in law was not here but gone to church( she is helping the ladies of the church with some function, she has joined in with them like she is here to stay) anyway my wife was here with the kids. I just acted positive and we had a really good morning together. I had to go to bed cause I work nights. When i got up everything was back to the way it has been for the past few weeks. Feeling alone in my own house. This a.m. My MIL was here & her & my wife sat in the other room so I tried to be positive and got ready for bed. Quiet a different atmosphere than the good morning yesterday... Did I mention my MIL is sleeping in my bed while i am at work at night.. Everything along with this fact is very frustrating ! I am scheduleing an appointment for my wife and I as soon as my work week is over. I have also convinced my wife to go on a short overnight trip out of town. I brought up briefly the fact that we need our immediate family back and my MIL to go home but my wife still says that she needs her mom here. I asked her what would she say if during our session the counseler said her mom needs to leave, she said "I'll tell him he is wrong" I'm so frustrated and don't feel that if I talked to her mom that my wife would respond well. My stepdad suggested talking to my father in law but I don't know what my wife would say or how she would react if she found out.... Sooooooo frustrated!!!!! I have thought about staying with my mom a couple of days but don't know how my wife would react not to mention I don't want to be without my kids and my wife for that matter. I want to support her but like i said before if her mom is here no one hardly even talks to me. I'm totally lost on what to do!
Posted 10/9/2011 4:29 PM (GMT 0)
Do you have a say as to what goes on in your home? I would try the counseling, I thnk that it will help. The counselor can bring out your side of the situation as your wife doesn't seem concerned about how you feel, just her.

I hope that things work out soon for you. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
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