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Posted 10/12/2011 6:44 AM (GMT 0)
P.S. My favorite curl up and eat chocolate chocolate is mint chocolate - cadbury. :0) Yes, I think all of us agree that life's simple pleasures will keep helping us to get by and keep our smile. :0) At least, we need to fight for this to be so!

embers
Posted 10/12/2011 11:43 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Embers

Not only are you a sweetie, you write beautifully too!! I was verry moved by your post...crying in my coffee-lol!

I'm glad someone has the same feelings I do, they have made me feel guilty for a long time. It's true that we open up to our husbands when they are the loving guy and then they use that as ammunition later when they sare the sick guy. You feel betrayed because you trusted not to hurt you with those feelings.

You are right, they are sick, but they are not trying to be better. If your husband told you over and over "please take your meds, you'll be happier and so will I?" wouldn't you respect that wish? For the sake of your marriage?

Thank you for nice comments. MY daughter has her drawbacks, but I know there is a happy bighearted young lady that will come out and dazzle this world when she does. Her mama and she are both fighter. She lived thru all that mess after Katrina with me and was so much stronger, she was amazing!!

I agre e partly when you say they are sick and not expect miracles, but at the same time, don't we deserve to live in a non-hostile environment. Don't we at least deserve that. Growing up, we didnot speak this way to anybody, this exacerbation, the irritation...I told my shrink "My very existence seems to irritate him!" He walks in the room, say, and sees me reading a book and starts shaking his head and doing litlle chuffy breathing, harrumphing with irritation.

Is it the 23rd psalm? I memorized that one and say it all the time and it calms me down every time. You can feel God by you.

Hay I gotta go-make b-fast for my cutie! Or maybe a granola bar-h made strawberry milkshakes last night and there is sticky strawberry syrup on every counter..aarrgghh
I have enjoyed talking with you. will post about doc later

Have a nice am, all

Maggie
Posted 10/12/2011 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Maggie,

My h just annoyed me and I didn't ignore it too well. He is sooooo rude. Yes, everything I say now is wrong with him. Even when I do what he tells me, and then he says "Why did you do that?" lol!

I love the 23rd psalm. I was quoting psalm 91 in my head this morning again! I thought of what I wrote here last night, and that basically yeah, if I don't say anything that has a semblance of my own opinion THEN I can pretty much ignore him. But I suppose my coping skills, though helping to make me happier, do not compare to simply just not saying anything as it seems whatever I say just ricochays back at me as he comes down on it.

What I meant when I said I just tell myself he is sick, don't expect miracles wasn't that we shouldn't expect to be treated better. We should!!! For me it was just telling myself reality: "Don't relate to him like a loving husband because he can't be that. If you do it, you will expect more than he can give and be frustrated. Instead, think of him as someone who is sick and unable to be there for you." So instead of getting upset with him over and over, when I tell myself this it's like I can say "Oh yeah, he isn't capable, and he doesn't deserve my energy being wasted on expecting him to be, or trying to make him to be."

You wrote: "Growing up, we didnot speak this way to anybody, this exacerbation, the irritation...I told my shrink "My very existence seems to irritate him!" Yes, again I understand. "Exacperated and irritated" perfectly defines his general posture with me, only in my case he says how much he LOVES me and is so glad I"m here. It's when I open my mouth and say anything other than "Oh husband, you are the greatest person ever" (which I never say) that he gets upset. So basically if I have no opinions of my own, and no needs of him, it's bliss. haha.

I am thinking a lot about leaving some day. For now, just ignoring him is best.

I'm glad you have a shrink to talk to. I havn't had and don't have anyone like that - though I have friends. We moved a few years ago and the area here doesn't offer much. Though now that the house building money sucking, time and energy depleting segment of my life is almost over, I could do another search for someone to talk to. It would be good for me, especially if I do decide to leave at some point.

Nice talking to ya. I hope you and your precious daughter have a nice day today.

Hi Karen!! Love and hugs to you!!
love, embers
Posted 10/12/2011 7:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Embers,

Love and hugs back to you. Thanks...

You are a very patient woman. That is a good quality. I know how frustrating it is, with the moving in the house getting pushed back again. And all the work preparing for the move. That is a lot of stress, and with your h being rude and mean on top of it. I am glad that you are posting here and have found somebody in the same situation. Though I wish neither of you were in that situation. It is nice to find somebody in a similar circumstance that you can relate to. I am very happy that you have found that here.

Things will work out. You have a good head on your shoulders and when a situation arises, you will handle it in the proper way I am sure. I hope that you are having a good day. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/12/2011 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
I erased my looooong post by mistake-just know I am thinking about you all...will get with you in the morning

Good night from Mississippi

Maggie
Posted 10/13/2011 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen. Your friendship has been such a bright spot right from the very first when I was stuck in the States with hubby being one of his horrible versions of himself. Tonight I went to the house and saw the counter he insisted HE could do. Yeah, NOT. It isn't anything we can't live with, but it's obvious it wasn't installed by a professional. Ugh.

I won't go on about him though.

I had a good day today. I am meeting more and more new people, and now that I am not letting his crap define who I am, I am really enjoying being me more and gaining confidence. It's like coming out from under a dark cloud now that I see things for what they are.

Maggie, what a bummer that your post got erased. But I'm glad you posted a little note anyway...it is comforting just to see you here. :0) You seem like a good person and that's what makes this world a better place. Good hearted people.

I'm looking forward in hope. Let's believe for better days ahead for us both, okay? :0) We can be inspired by Karen's happy second chance. She has a good man at her side. Things can definitely get lots better!

Today I had a bittersweet moment. Driving home from something that I felt excited to share about with h...(husband)...then remembered that he has reverted back to his horrible self, so couldn't share it with him. Like we've talked about, it really is hard when they have a nice side. If they were just 'pure 100 % jerk" it would hurt less. But for me, I remember I am never alone even if alone in this marriage in many ways. God is always with me.

So as I was saying, here's to good days ahead! :0) For all of us, and for Katie too!!! :0)

embers
Posted 10/13/2011 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, we confide in our hubby less and less cause they get all defensive if you are boo-hooing-freaks them out. he has been sweet today and tomorrow>>>???? Time to put my action in plan-am I am down at divorce attorney....wha t is the price staying? Too high. Leaving is gonna be hard but I've survived worse. Katie will have lots of visitation. As soon as I get a job and 2 paychecks , I am one gone pecan-lol
A la Libertad
maggie
Posted 10/14/2011 8:13 AM (GMT 0)
:-)   :-) Embers

Pleasure has been all mine...I think there are many women(and men) whose spouses do not understand our illnesses...easy to do when healthy...but we have the added dimension of living with unmedicated ill guys.

Ignoring him is one of my coping skills, I simply leave ther room. If I continue talking in a calm voice , he gets FURIOUS, so I tell him"When we can sapeak civilly, we'll talk" and then I leave, and try not to slam door-lol.

It has meant a lot to me to talk to you. Karen is our port in the storm, along with a coupla others. Do you ever think "These people are so well-adjusted, whyare they here?" I guess we all put our best foot forward on line.

My greatest honor has been to actually help some folks in crisis, just with encouragement and that has made me feel worthwhile. Thank you for the chance

Love Maggie

Posted 10/14/2011 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
I stay here because I feel I am helping people a little. I still have my ups and downs. But this medication has helped so much. My husband takes trazadone for sleep and I think it has helped him with any depression that he may have had because he is in a better mood since taking it. So that killed two birds with one stone. lol...

I hope that you all are having a great day.

Many hugs, Karen
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