My Pathetic Life

Hi Temdr,

That was such a lovely post and thank you for sharing. It sounds like you have made some progress with your depression and for that I am very happy. Do keep posting. I am glad that you have joined the forum.

Hugs, Karen

The administrator posted this on facebook. I don't know if the words will help you any or not. But it is a quote by Joseph Campbell. "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." Things don't necessarily work out in our time frame. You are going to meet somebody when you quit searching so hard.

I am alone a lot. Though I always have somebody, my husband. I don't know what life would be like if he wasn't actually there. I imagine that I would be devastated. Lonely and sad. I feel for you. Though you have your parents there, it must be so lonely for you. I hope that you meet somebody and that you have a relationship. But in the meantime you have to do something with your life instead of waiting for that right person to come along. You are focussed so much on the negative and are letting the positive go by. As long as you continue to think this way, you are going to be unhappy. You will always be waiting and expecting something to happen and you will be disappointed until it finally does happen. But by then you will probably be so overwhelmed, you wont know what to do. I would really love to see you start to focus on something different. Find a hobby, a passion, something to distract you when you aren't working. The time passes by so fast. I am afraid if you don't find something to enjoy in life that you are going to miss out on the whole meaning and the pleasure of living.

Talk to your counselor about these things, maybe they can shed some light for you to follow down the path of life. I really feel like you are hanging onto and worrying about something that is going to happen naturally for you in the future. But in the meantime you need to get some enjoyment out of life. Keep posting. Know that we care about you.

Hugs, Karen

You are too young to feel like you failed. There is a lot of life ahead of you. I think you are searching too hard. Looking for answers too quickly. Only time will tell. I don't mean to be hard on you. I am just trying to jumpstart you.

Sounds like seeing the psychologist more is a good idea. I don't know why you are going backwards. But keep trying to push forward. Trying is the best you can do.

Things do get better, but we have to continue living in order for this to happen. Keep seeing your counselor. Try to do what she says. I promise, things will get better. I know that is a huge thing to say. But I just have that feeling. I have confidence in you. Get those repressed feelings out. They are extra baggage.

Hugs, Karen

keep at it beagleman. jamie. we do care!!!!!!!!

Beagleman.....You sound a lot like my Uncle, he is 60 and just lost my grandmother in feb./10. He has been own since the loss of my gramma. One day I went for lunch with him and asked him why he seems so down lately. He then related to me just about word for word of what you said. You see he was the baby of 5 children when he was in his late 20's my grandfather became ill and my grandmother never worked they needed him to help with all the bills. The other 4 children were already married with children so it really was left up to him. My granfather died about 7 yrs. later and this devastated my gramma and I even remember her saying to my Uncle " you will never leave me will you?" Well from then til feb./10. My Uncle gave up his life, my gramma was not an easy woman to live with and often made my Uncle feel guilty, even if did try to date, Eventually he just stopped all together. Now years later ( after my gramma died) he has tried dating for a year he has done everything to get a date. Like you he felt defeated we all told him he was trying to hard. He stopped trying and what do you know he has been dating the same lady for 3 months now and she is lovely. How did he meet her you ask he went for coffee at a local coffee shop and the lady who brought his coffee started a conversation with him and what do you know. She does not think his life was pathetic in fact she looks at him as a selfless man, who gave up his life and looked after his ailing parents.....nothing too be ashamed of. Give yourself a break...you will find someone when you least expect it.

Keep us posted....I will keep you in my thought and prayers.

Take care, Amy

Chronic pain(nerve), fibro and mild depression

Post Edited (sos007) : 11/29/2011 10:44:22 PM (GMT-7)

I don't feel you are being judged here in the least. I think everybody has been more than kind to you. We offer the best advice that we can. I know I answer most of your posts so you are probably talking about me. I think you think way too much about it. That is why it seems forever coming. I am not going to post anymore, I don't like being called judgemental.

I wish you the very best with your journey.

You have not been told you are a failure, you keep calling yourself one. And you have not been rejected here. Though I am over with trying.

Hello all, firstly sorry for offending people on this post, I said people were judging me but I know everyone is trying to help. I do feel alone in my situation and in my real life I cannot connect with people. I no I would not be posting here if I was not looking for direction, help, listen to many mainly my psychologist. I will post all my achievements for this year even though almost all of them are very lame and some would say not even worth it. I have been seeing psychologist for about 12 months and it seems like years. I have faced many fears, I have acknowledged my sadness before I would reject it and repress it. I am not special, I am just someone who is depressed and I am trying, maybe not as hard as many others here. What I do is I go to work Monday to Friday, try and remain active, I walk my dog every day, I read books, I go to movies, I go to the gym. All these activities i do alone, but I know i am not special. I take my medication every day effexor in the day and avanza at night. Anyway, again i am sorry for offending people on this site. More insight, when you learn to drive a car you get lessons, get experience, get tested and you get a licence. For me not getting a date is not getting lessons, not getting experience not getting a relationship. I feel i cannot build up any confidence without the first step. Anyway, I thank everyone who has helped me here, I haven't always felt this way, earlier this year i had a lot of hope but after many sucessive failures and rejections it has dulled my confidence.

Beagleman,

You say you want to know why a woman would not date you. I think that anyone seeking a relationship has an idea of what qualities they are looking for in a person. If you don't think highly of yourself, love yourself, find yourself deserving... how can you expect that someone else would? I do not mean to be harsh with you, but ask yourself that. My ex-girlfriend left me to deal with her depression--- no matter the amount of love I have for her, it will not fix her depression or the negative thoughts that she has. My love won't convince her she is capable, nor will it let her see her own self worth. No matter what anyone does to help her, or you, it's an individual battle.

Also, it isn't fair at all for me to be in a relationship with her at this point; do you know why? Not because she is depressed, but because SHE DOESN'T LOVE HERSELF. She can't love me until she loves herself. That day may never come OR she may begin to love herself and decide she wants to love someone else. Relationships aren't rainbows and fluffy bunnies all the time. Having a relationship won't fix your problems. Before you can make someone else happy and they can be happy with you, you have to be happy with yourself.

In your post above, you said you would be sharing your accomplishments for the past year "although most of them are lame and some would say not worth it". If you think they are lame, who are we to convince you that they are not? You have acknowledged that you are working on your confidence and that is honorable but no one here can convince you of your self worth. I think that everyone has been encouraging and attentively read and responded to your posts. An accomplishment is an accomplishment, regardless or how large or small. If it is something you are proud of, as your supporters, I am sure we would like to know about them.

You can keep pouring energy into this relationship bit or you can step back from the situation and date yourself for awhile. You posted you enjoyed the activities you were involved in, so what's so bad about doing them alone? I understand getting lonely, I live alone and run many errands alone. I eat alone often and I take myself on outings alone. When I don't want to be alone, I call friends or bring myself around other people. Join a book club so you don't read alone. Join a walking club so you don't walk alone. Spend time with your family. You're obsessing over something you can't control. You can keep putting all your efforts into an uncontrollable situation or you can be more productive and put those efforts into things you know help you.

When I first started posting, I felt very lost, confused, misunderstood. One response that I got one day really upset me. I gave it a day, re-read it and realized that the response was not at all cruel or un-compassionate. In fact, it was someone who could objectively look at my situation and had helped me all they could in their efforts to explain to me the "whole story" of what I was going through. No one is judging you. I myself have been in counseling for a couple months and if I stay in counseling for years to come, so be it. I don't think that the intention of any type of mental help is so that you are reliant on a professional, I believe that the purpose is so you learn to handle situations on your own. You clearly stated that you have benefited from your year of therapy, so you should be confident in the fact that continued therapy will only further help you.

Everyone here cares about your progress, healing and development. Maybe you would benefit from discussing with your psychologist why you place such a strong urgency for a relationship. It is possible you believe you will be fulfilled from a relationship when there are feelings that you can also find within yourself. Take it from someone who was in love for two years with a person who ultimately didn't love themselves... it doesn't work. I can love her until pigs have wings and fly, but until she can love herself, nothing lasting will come from our partnership.

Take care of yourself beagleman. Challenge yourself to change 3 negative thoughts a day into positive ones. Then, up it to 5. Then more and more. You can do this.

Well said: Greenbean and Getting by.....you both know exactly the right way to put it. Beagleman, you would be wise to take what they both have said....maybe re read some of your own posts. We are not judging just trying to help.

Bless you all, Amy






Chronic pain(nerve), fibro and mild depression

We are our own worst critics, so it is hard to fogive ourselves at times. Maybe write yourself a list of your good traits only. And keep reading that list. That has helped me before.

Good luck.

Hugs, Karen

I'm really proud of you for saying something positive and you are correct, not quitting is not only an accomplishment, but it also shows your character. To me, it shows you do not give up easily, even when others around you opt out.

Now, when you think something negative about yourself today, I'd like you to please remember that I admire your ability to persist when the "going got tough". And then, you remember too that even now, in the past year you haven't given up. That is an accomplishment too in my eyes.

Keep up the positive thinking, I'm glad to see you took our responses to heart. Great job!

Hello all, I am struggling with my thoughts, I acceppt it is hard to change them. A few more postives although some are very lame. O'k, alot relate to facing fears, soicio phobia, poor self image. Here is a list of some, I joined a gym and go there regularly, I go to coffee shops, I use the public showers in the gym, I have gone to several social club activities at work, I went to a wine tour for singles and spoke to about 20 woman. Other stuff that seems very silly, I changes my hair style, got it cut neater and shorter, also changed the way i dress, I used to wear the same style of clothes all the time. My view on myself was strange, I felt I could not change my appearance as I would be judged, it is hard to explain, I did not wear shorts, I just cant explain it how I viewed myself but i still feel strange about my appearance like i am being judged, I think it must relate back to when i was younger.