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Really could use some advice/support

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Depression
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Posted 12/2/2011 7:34 AM (GMT 0)


Hi there-- I am new to the forum. I am a 25 year old who has been suffering from depression since about age 13. However, I always seemed to be able to manage the depression and maintain friendships, get good grades, and work well until I turned 21 and it was almost as if a switch flipped. For the past few years since, I have had a very hard time keeping a job (eventually I just am not able to get out of bed anymore, or my performance suffers until I am horribly embarassed) and have been sabotaging my education. I might be graduating in a week or so, if I didn't blow this semester, too.

I currently have a job in my field-- but the work environment is SO negative (and being a depressive, it is very hard for me not to take things personally) that it has made me into an employee i am not proud to be, as well as aggravating my depression. I am currently on "medical leave" AKA had a bit of a breakdown, trying to decide what I'm going to do. Ideally, I'd like to leave the job and find something that I could make OK money at that isn't too trying so I can focus on myself. I'd like to get some outpatient treatment from a local institution to hopefully help me with my coping skills. It just seems like there are no opportunities out there, and it seems crazy to give up a paying job.... but I was drowning there.

I'm so afraid of never achieving my dreams and being this lazy person for the rest of my life. It isn't who I am, but it seems to be all I can handle sometimes. It just seems like all the work to finish school, to get help is for nothing because I haven't been able to get better.

I'd really appreciate any advice/encouragement you could give-- I really need it right now. Even suggestions of how to get help/treatment, things that might help, places to look for work? anything... i'd be so appreciative.
Posted 12/2/2011 8:53 AM (GMT 0)
Hi quiet
Welcome to the forum this is a great place to start the journey to feeling beter. There are terrific people here to walk with ..

It is middle of night here so I'll post again in the morning

Do youu take any meds or see a counselor? You have insurance right now?

I just wanted you to know you are not alone

Take care see ya in the AM
Maggie
Posted 12/2/2011 11:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Maggie,

Thanks for your thoughtful message. I do see a counselor-- I've been seeing her on and off for about 4 years, though I haven't noticed any marked difference in my ability to cope with issues. It seems to help more on a case-by-case basis. I do have insurance, though it isn't very good and doesn't cover many mental health doctors. I'm on luvox and adderrall.
Posted 12/2/2011 12:08 PM (GMT 0)
Morning quiet!

Maybe a new couselor would help or group? You really only need to see a psychiatrist for medications now..they do very little counseling..it sounds as if meds are indicated if you are not anti med.

Exercise is good, it releases endorphins. I do a gratitude journal and deep breathing, creative visualiztion, listen to music and play piano a little. Anything that will take you out of yourself for awhile..

Others will be along to say hey...I hope you will keep posting..we really do have a good group here.

Take care
Maggie
Posted 12/2/2011 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Quiet,

Just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Sounds like you are getting your ducks in a row. Things sorted out. It takes time. Go easy on yourself. And most of all, you aren't lazy. You suffer with depression and that makes us fatigued. I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted Yesterday 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe once you are done with school things will get a bit easier at your job (or a new one, if you choose to go that route) since you will have hopefully less stress and fewer demands outside of work. Money is always an issue, but if your health is suffering then you may need to look for something that will allow you to focus on yourself a little more.

I know what you mean about losing motivation quickly, too. I worked so hard throughout college and did so well. I graduated a year ago and now I have a total lack of interest in pursue a better job than I have now, or going back to school even though I desperately wanted to go to grad school. Even if it takes you longer than anticipated, things are not always hopeless. Taking time to heal will only make your outcomes better in the future when you are able to get a better job and are healthy and happy enough to excel in it.
Posted Yesterday 8:35 AM (GMT 0)
just wanted to say hi and welcome. with healing compassion, jamie
Posted Today 12:39 AM (GMT 0)
Alaskah....I just love your quote at the bottom of your post. Bless you, Amy

Dear Quiet...Welcome to hw forum. I am so sorry that you are feeling the way you are. I think you will find a lot of help from members who have been through what you have. Just always know that you are not alone, I suffer with mild depression which started after suffering with chronic pain. I take amitriptyline 50mg and this seems to help with my depression. I also take a multi vitamin, vitamin D, omega3 and cal-mag. I hope this helps some however, I think there will be others who have more experience with depression....Keep posting, I think you will find that you will feel better. You are not alone.

Bless you, Amy
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