Long post, but need help please!

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. Though not as long as yours, but I think I can understand a tiny bit of what you're feeling. I hate to admit it, but I have cheated on my husband. I mean.. we haven't had sex in almost 2 years and we've only been married for nearly 4! I do love another man. I tried not to, I tried to resist the urges, but it was weakness and the feeling of compassion that he showed me that tipped the scale.

But, unlike you, I am not in love with my husband. I love him, he's a wonderful person. Time and time again I've told him I don't love him as a wife loves a husband. I love him as a best friend. He listens, then ignores the issue. I'm trying to figure out how to move on from here. Not for anyone else, but for myself.

You should make choices for you. Of course, think of your husband. You say you think all would be well without this other guy that you love. In your heart of hearts, do you truly believe that?

Neither one of you deserve to be in a relationship that doesn't make one of you happy. If you won't truly be happy, he would feel it.

I agree with Maggie about not admitting it. Just do what you can to try and break ties. I know its hard and it hurts, but if you love your husband, you have to give all of yourself to him and him only (I mean the parts of yourself as in your love, not the love reserved for children, but you get the idea).

Best wishes to you!

Hello Gultyconscience, I know very much about want and desire, as I have never had a relationship, and when I see a woman I want it hurts me so much that I have been deprived of a relationship, touching, kissing, hugging. Only you alone can make your decisions and you alone control your conscience, I am non judgemental but see without taking any action your guilt is going to harm you. You know every day people have to make decisions that hurt others, it is necessary in life to face your fears, avoidance I know makes things alot worse. What forced me into action was extreme sadness and depression, and living a life without reward or hapiness. You sound like a nice person, you dont want to hurt your partner or the other, but by doing this you are hurting yourself. We all have our moral code and when we fall short we feel guilty, i see you torn between the 2, your conscience, you not wanting to hurt your husband and the other.