HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

I want to punch my husband

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 12/12/2011 1:47 PM (GMT 0)
My daughter and I have always had a tight realtionship...she and her aDad are too much alike and bicker all the time. He has chosen to have little to do with the difficult parts of child-rearing, instead being the jokester and occasionally the Dictator...I fyou don't want to be involved in the daily nuts and bolts of child rearing(hoemwork, social activities) I don't think you have the right to constantly accuse me of doing a terrible job...I admit I spoil herr to a certain degeree but expect respect and honesty and good grades. her dirty room is not a battle I pick..

She is adhd and is stayiing home today to finish a very lonf g project due today and a longer one due tomorrow. I haver heard nothing but what a terrible job I have done...she is 15 and is old enuf to suffer the consequences. His parenting style is the steel boot on the neck, distatorial, threatening and angry. I know that does not work...I am sick of it...he spent the whole weekend partying, eating and drinking and expects to come home to The Cleaver family-NOT!!

Katie and I are trying to get thru a very difficult ime without his support, only criticism. I am  staying in my room and he can sit out there and mumble all he wants about how terible K atie and I am-his high school transcripts are littered wwith ds and cs.

AARRRGGHH I am so tired of his holier than thou and criticism

Thanks for letting me vent

Maggie

Posted 12/12/2011 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
Be proud of what you do with Katie. He will see his ways in time, but he is missing out on a lot of good stuff, only looking at the negative. Stick to your guns and do what you need to do for you.

I hope it gets better today for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/12/2011 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen-I hate it when Ilet him get to me like this-his past parenting skills should have given me a clue-he is very into his way or the highway and I am mellow and let it roll off my back. I am a strong enough person to do that-MOST of the time...he just caught me at a vulnerable time and when you hear thae same negative stuff over and over again, you kinda start to believe it...

Anyway, thanks for the support I needed to vent....everything is about HIM, HIM HIM

Love maggie
Posted 12/12/2011 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
Maggie,
your doing a great job with Katie, it's what I would probably do and I'd also get on her about leaving a project till
last minute, she'll need to be more respectiful of deadlines even if she has adhd...but you seem
to have everything else in good control, and be strong you don't need any of your hubbys
negativity....bet he brags about his kid to his friends when he's partying....but I do hope once your
daughter is going to college maybe consider leaving your hubby....it'll be hard but you should maybe consider
it for your welfare and health and well being...you don't need his bagage, or if he should
turn violent you don't need that either...your a very worthy person and very very good mom and
terrific homemaker...many blessings and well wishes to you....
Keep strong and know we care and are thinking of you....keep us posted...
Posted 12/12/2011 5:15 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry you're having a rough day maggie. Just know you are doing the right thing. You are a wonderful mother.

Hope you have a better afternoon.

Suzane
Posted 12/12/2011 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so muchladies for the feedback-I really needed that. We all make some mistakes with our kids but I do have a very honest relationship w/ dtr, shec comes to me and tells the truth, her feelings and not many teens do that. I have worked hard on trust and it has paid off. heis all bark and no bite but he chooses to have litlle to do with daily child-rearing, ocasionally throwing out edicts from his alzyboy-lol..that way, he is not to blame for her shortcomings...he has alot of good qualities but if I was financially set, we'd be gone in a New York second. I am wife #3 and I understand why...I thought I would marry a man who would protectr and provide (altho I was a good provider too) but I married a child who feels he has gotten the short end of the stick and has to blame me for everything. When I told him his angry words hurt me, he said "get over it"

Anyway, I am having a blah day and the Supermag will return...just glad I can come here and complain-thanks for the replies

Love you guys
Maggie
Posted 12/12/2011 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Maggie. You are doing great with Katie. It is difficult to get children with adhd to adhere to time constraints and deadlines. My son is the same way. I have to be very diligent and even still we miss something. Time means nothing.

Keep doing what you're doing. And this is certainly the place to vent.
Posted 12/12/2011 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Bayou, 

 

As an artist it comes naturally to you to be able to retaliate in your mind. Use it to release the pain; then go into the privacy of your room and pray for his soul that has to be crying out for help. 

You must get the anger out in order to remain stable--I'll bet you've got the cleanest house in the county if you use that as an outlet for anger.

We've probably all had similar moments and understand the fury that builds from a terrible weakness. He needs help; any chance you might persuade him to get it? The alcohol has to go if he is ever to recover.

I've got you covered in prayer today.

Take care, Bayou.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 12/12/2011 4:53:13 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/12/2011 9:20 PM (GMT 0)
And I feeel the prayers...I am actually "over it"...his negativity does not have to be mine and I choose to live a life where good outweighs bad...my positive outlook that God has never abandoned us yet just irritates him, but that is his problem.

I have many blessings and with those comes burdens, which I accept but my Faith and my daughter sustain me thru all storms

Thanks for the lift my friends...I can always count on you...tomorrow is another day

Love Maggie
Posted 12/12/2011 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Exactly, Maggie.

Take care.

I.G.
Posted 12/12/2011 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, Maggie. Your last post lifted ME up!

You are stronger than your circumstances - your kind heart and your faith show it so.

bless you,

embers
Posted 12/12/2011 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
here for ya maggie. love, jamie
Posted 12/13/2011 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
Maggie...hope your feeling better, I hope you don't let him get you down. We parents are far from perfect but at least we try. It does not sound like he could say that. He loses out in the end, kids don't forget. I will keep you in my prayers. Know I am hear if you have to vent...it's good for a person once in a while so vent away...lol


Take care, Amy
Posted 12/13/2011 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
Maggie, I hadn't read this yet. Maybe him and my dad could get a room!! Geeez they sound so much alike. Let me guess- his dad was this way too? I only ask because my grandfather(whom I never met) was apparently an awful man. And made my dad look like the male version of Mary Poppins..

You are a strong lady and you two will het through this!
Posted 12/13/2011 4:19 PM (GMT 0)
Typos and submitting before its time. Grr. And by you two Getting through this, I mean you and Katie
Posted 12/13/2011 4:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the reply...yah, he threqtens tomove out but noone would have him-lol..I stayed up half the night trying to figure a way fro K and I to rent a lil place of our own-we are both on disability so no money. But if itismeant to be, it'll happen.

he cam home drunk upin my daughtersface spit flying and she gave it right back at him-she's a tough kid...she already had finished her projects but he just showed his butt, putting me and Katie down and then this am acting like nothing is wrong. I let him know I am still pissed and will stay pissed...he was waaaay out of line...and out blowing our little bit of xmas $ at the bar-I'm sure he thinks he deserves it cause we a re sooo mean to him...

ok enough vitriol...I am inhaling 1 2 3 , exhaling 1 2 3-lol

Love Maggie
Posted 12/13/2011 5:50 PM (GMT 0)
My dad says he's not going anywhere. He told my mom "well go of you want to go." My gma lives with them so she is looking into places they can stay. In North Louisiana. We live in South Louisiana now. My brother still lives with them, but my mom said she would leave his ungrateful 18 y/o butt at home with his daddy. Idk if she actually would leave him, but I.know she isn't trying to put up with him anymore. Plus my lil bro talks to her like a dog. But he was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome at age 8. Idk if that's really what he has. He also has bipolar syndrome and other syndromes. With the fact that he has so many, they can't seem to find a med to help him. But sometimes his behavior is uncalled for. And he treats my mom that way because she doesn't take his crap. My dad yells and things like that too, but my dad always ends up coming out looking like the nice guy when he doesn't listen to my mom's punishment. Ugh. It's complicated. But I just wish my dad would sit down, shut up and be happy that at 71, he's still alive and has a wife that loves him. Idiots.

:)
Posted 12/13/2011 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
Kelsey, I live in bay Saint Louis, Mississippi...where do you live? I am trying to get info on Section * housing-but they make it soooo hard. I just think my daughter lives ina lovinghome and most of my deperssion is due to unhalppiness in marriage.

my husband is never satisfied with whqt he has, he is bipolar and always want s to spen and spend.

He is gone right now so I',m making calls to get the F outta here

Love maggie
Posted 12/13/2011 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
Good luck Maggie.
Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping things turn around for you.
You're such a kind and giving person and deserve the best.
I hope everything works out for you and your daughter. You deserve to be happy.
Posted 12/13/2011 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks amber and all my friends it means so much to feel those thoughts and prayers coming my way...am researching rent assistance and section *-what a bureauv=cratic nightmare,,,does anyone have any ecperience with these programs!!!????

maggie
Posted 12/13/2011 6:38 PM (GMT 0)
Ya'll take your tails over here to North LA and we''ll all be neighbors! lol There's lots and lots of quietness over here on I-49 :) And although New Orleans will always be home, North LA ain't so bad!!!

Maggie, you deserve to be happy and so does Katie. Both of you have had your struggles lately and you will continue to have each other to pull through. Your husband's behavior is unfair and selfish... and it makes me angry (angrier maybe?)

I will pray about this, as that's all I can do. Well, other than offering to be your neighbor :D
Posted 12/13/2011 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
Maggie,

I am praying for you and hoping things work out.

Stay calm, peaceful and be you...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/13/2011 7:43 PM (GMT 0)
Sending prayers today, Bayoub, that your strong religious faith will lift your spirit far above the level of the very serious mental illness of the man you married.

You and Kate take care of each other and please continue to look for the apartment that is suitable for two nice people who deserve so much better.

He is headed down a path of no return--will probably develop a serious heart condition or stroke that will paralyze him if he doesn't get help and be quick about it. I hope to goodness that you never have to support that in your life.

Prayer going out now for your strength and the right apartment for you and Kate if it is God's will, Bayoub.


I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 12/13/2011 12:49:50 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/13/2011 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
thank you so much IG courney amber karen et al-your suoport has helped me from imploding and knowing that he and I are good pepople in aa bad realtionship. His 2 brothers ended uo living together, 2 lonely embittered men and I kept telling Pat to watch out or he's be one and now he said "I guess I'll end up a lonely destiturte ol man: And whose fault is that???? They had 9 wives between them and besides mine, they do not have ANY realtionship with kids or grandkids...so sad but they chose that path

if any one know s about section 8 (don't want to live in the hood-too tough for my girl)please let me know...I'm not getting anywhere online, except I meet financial requirements

thanks again-I love you guys

maggier
Posted 12/13/2011 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
Well, you do have to make below a certain amount. It's different in each area I believe. Go http://www.affordablehousingonline.com/section8housing.asp ; I live basically in Baton Rouge, Maggie. Apparently some of these a holes in the neighborhood decided they didn't wanna be part of the city limits though. Idc.

And Green, if I knew what the heck was going on with my marriage, I might move with my Momma lol. He and I get along like besties! But we haven't had.. um.. you know, whoopie in 2 years! I don't even want to at this point. It'd be too weird.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12