Is this all there is?

So I have been suffering from depression for a long time. It has affected school, jobs, relationships, you name it. I had an girlfriend i was with for 3 years and we broke up a couple months ago. She called me a couple weeks ago crying saying she missed me and we started talking. She gave me the whole "i love you and need you" thing and then out of nowhere just stopped calling me, no fights, nothing. I have always battled with chronic depression but i have never had anything hit me so hard in my life. I have felt almost suicidal and it is the worst usually around the time that i wake up, i just feel i don't want to get out of bed anymore. The love of my life won't contact me, offers no closure, and seems like she wants nothing to do with me. I have caught interest from other women but i just don't feel the drive anymore. Recently my doctor put me on a prescription for abilify but i feel like a zombie on it, lifeless, not talkative, it sucks the life right out of me so i stopped taking it. This is not just about a girl because any time something like this happens it sets me back and it is impossible to progress. I have dealt with a lot of abuse as a child, physical and mental and am NOT on good terms with my parents, talk therapy does nothing for me, i feel like i have nobody and am going no where, i am definetly not happy in my situation. All of my potential went to waste. Sorry for the rambling but that's how my mind is feeling. Mixed up. Any advice? I need to be saved from myself.

It takes time to heal, and there is no time table that says someone will heal or even improve in "X" amount of days or weeks, etc.

As far as medication goes, most depression meds will take a couple of months at least to really start working and for the side effects to stabilize. If the side effects are too bothersome a person really should contact their prescribing doctor and discuss it with them instead of just quitting the medication. Many meds can be dangerous if stopped cold turkey.

Since you have already stopped taking the Abilify I do not recommend starting it again at this time. What I do think you need to do is contact your doctor and talk to him/her about the issues you were having on it. Your doctor may then want either try you on a different medication or try the Abilify again at a lower dose if possible.

When you say counseling did not work for you I am wondering how long did you give it a go and was it with the same counselor?

Counseling is not a quick fix solution. It is a long process and a worthy one, but one that will only work if the patient is truly ready for it and works at it. One other important factor is the success of counseling is "clicking" with your counselor. We all have certain personality types that we are drawn to and are able to more easily open up to, and if you feel you can't connect with a certain counselor there is not shame in telling them that and asking to be hooked up with someone else. Also there are many forms of counseling ranging from the traditional talking things out to other less traditional that combine talking with something else like keeping a journal, art therapy, exercise therapy, and many others.

Find a counselor and let them know how you feel about traditional talk therapies and let them help you find the right kind of therapy or therapies for you.

Thanks guys. Maybe i am just having the same reaction to meds and counseling as i am to life, wanting to give up too easily when it gets a bit. To answer your question Jim, i have been seeing the same counselor for about 8 week. I am just not getting anything out of it. I learned some useful breathing excersizes and coping methods but i just do not feel the relationship is there and i have a hard time opening up, maybe it is just me. I deal with anxiety and that limits me from opening up to people. Another problem is that's where i get my klonopin also and i'm scared that if i switch i will be cut off...