My Life, By Beagleman... continued...

Hello Karen, yes I am definitely seeing flora, I do feel very in love with her. I habe not told her this but I am certain she k.owe this. We have plshe to meet on Thursday. Tonight I go to the connect group with my chitch.

Hello all, tonight I had a real good time with my connect group, a group of people meeting through my church at someones home. This is only my second time at the connect group, I feel so much at home. The group is hosted by perry and mariane, really wonderful people, other friends here are wayne, denise, Lucioano, Winston, Joe and alice, Ali and others, a very compassionate, kind and loving group. We are meeting again in 2 weeks for a dinner party.

Of course I am looking forward to going out again with Flora on Thursday. The church has helped me so much with friendship, I am really glad I took this step to get connected with people and make so many genuine friends. To all thankou for your support, your prayers, it means alot to me, if you try you can achieve so much, it is just so good.

Hello Karen, I spoke with Flora a few minutes ago, we are planning to see the fireworks tomorrow and if the wheather is inclement we will see a movie.

Going well today, feeling happy, one thing i know I am doing wrong is forgetting my medication as I forget my medication this morning. I think i need one of those weekly dispensers.

I do feel happy a lot, sometimes during the day I feel down but I guess I have overwhelming evidence of being worthwhile my self esteem must lift and i know I appear happier than others quite often. I also know i am still learning, and now enjoying the simple pleasures of life and love.

Yep, you neede a pill box. I have one. Yesterday I was tired. When I went to take my night time pill, I noticed some of my medication still in the compartment. I didn'[t take it all. I have to watch that from now on. No wonder I didn't feel good. I am more careful now. I take so much medication though that it is a chore every Saturday evening to fill it. But that is life for me...

I am so happy that you and Flora are hitting it off. Enjoy... One day at a time though.... You have really come a long ways Stephen. We are all so proud of you!

Hugs, Karen

Feeling much better now, just a runny nose, alot of my cramps are gone. I must not miss my dose of effexor. I will take this opportunity to start thanking people, thankyou Jamie, Karen and many others on this site for your considerable help, and I cant believe I joined this site in Novemebr last year, in depression it truly felt like years of saddness and despair, but I will not focuss on the past, it is gone, but with such contrast the hapiness is truly eurphoric, bliss and and I just feel so happy.

I must also thank my very special sister Heather, she was the receiver of much of my despair and I know I hurt her at times begging her for help and even blaming her when I was in such despair. She is a wonderful person, full of compassion and help, and kept me from going back into total despair. I will visit her on sunday. I dont know how I can thank her enough, I even demanded help when I was in despair, I know I was wrong and now I can acknowledge it and reconnect with her.

Hello Karen, Just got home from my date with Flora. We first went to the beach and then later went to her place, we went in and Flora got changed and showered. This is where things got difficult. Ok Flora invites me to have sex, we tried for a while but my medication combination of 150mg effexor, 60mg avanza has effects on me and after a few minutes i get erectile dysfunction. Flora was ok about this but I havent told her about my medication, depression. I will see my doctor if there is anything that can be done other than withdrawal which I probably aren't ready to stop these meds.

Flora said she thinks I was too excited and said we can try later. I wont go into the detail but we plan to meet on saturday. I think if I do come clean fully with my meds, depression that will probably be the end of dating and it is something I must decide on. She is a nice person, and i haven't been totally honest. Any advice will help, I am glad in a way we tried sex now as atleast I know I have a problem and can seek treatment. I dont fall into the category of being overweight and unfit, I am very fit but I think the medication is causing me dysfunction.

Hey Stephen, sorry I have not posted in so long- I just caught up on your life!

It seems like things are going well for you and you are learning how to handle new situations. How have things been going with your therapist? Do you feel the sessions are helping more now that you are less upset?

We all have bad days and even when we are totally "ok", we will still have bad days. It's a part of life and those bad days teach us how to handle things in the future.

It sounds like you and Flora have really been having a good time! That's great. Remember to enjoy the time you have with her now and not linger too much on the past or future.

If you are concerned with being honest with Flora, I think you could just say you think a medication that you take is causing you problems in the bedroom. If you are uncomfortable with letting her know of your depression, I don't think that's lying. I was very honest with someone after we had a date and it scared him (I wasn't interested anyway). When people are not used to things, they may get scared. However, maybe she has had an experience with depression or someone close to her.

Whatever you decide, remember to do what is best for you. If telling her everything now will make you more comfortable, than do so. But I don't think it's "lying to her", it's just not spilling your guts all at once. I felt guilty not telling a couple dates that I dated a girl... but it is in the past now and I will tell them if we develop a bond.

Good luck! Courtney

Good luck Stephen, I have to go to exercise class.

Hugs, Karen

Hello Karen, Maggie and others. I went to the doctor yesterday and the medication for sexual dysfunction did not work, I went to the doctor this mornig and he did blood tests for testosterone. I will find the results in 2 days. I do feel depressed today and it would seem another huirdle i have to get over. I have done a lot of gym work and try sohard to stay healthy and I feel dissapointed in myself again, I know it is not my fault but it still hurts me to have this issue.

I plan to see Flora today and enjoy her company. Tomorrow I plan to visit my sister. I guess I have been hit with so many of lifes challenges in such a shortspace of time. I know I have to try and resolve my sexual dysfunction as I would love normal sex and so would any partner, relationship. I will let you know the result and I think once I get the right treatment I will be Ok. Thanks everyone again,

Hello Karen, I tried cialis 20mg, it had no effect. I do have much reduced libido, I think be a bit disappointed to find out that my depression is mainly caused by low testosterone level, as I read this is a factor. I am not jumping to conclusions but I do feel more depressed by not functioning sexually. I am only 49, I hope there is treatment for me. I kind of feel I am being cheated again at an opportunity to enjoy life.

Hello Karen, I do have low libido, sexual dysfunction. I guess some of the things that have contibuted to this would be my depression, my medication, and probably low testosterone. It is tricky, Flora wanted me to stay at her place tonight after we had a date and I said I wasn't feeling well. But she knew that I wasn't confident having sex, but she doesn't know my issues.

Hopefully, I get some solutions and dont have to make up any excuses to not have sex. I will see my doctor again on Monday and get the results of my testosterone levels.

Me and Flora had a real good time tonight. We first went to the beach and had a swim in the rock pool. Then we went to a restaurant, the food was great and htere was live entertainment, I loved the singing and music, it was a really good night.

Hello Karen, tonight I seen my doctor and I got my results back on my blood tests, all ok, so she suggested i try withdrawing from effexor which i have agreed to do. The plan is for me to reduce from 150mg to 75mg and then to stop after a week. I expect side effects and discomfort but i know I have been through much worse when I was full of dispair and i have withdrawn from paxil before so I have understanding of the physical side effects of withdrawing. Wish me luck, I hope this helps with my sexual function. Also i will try viagra, another alternative.

To all have a goodnight, learn from me that life can be very enjoyable, even if you now feel hopeless, there is many good times ahead and believe me, I was one of the most depressed with nearly no self esteem. Thanks to Karen and others I was able to slowly change my thinking to start believing in myself, when i made it a habit to focus on my positives I was able to start building my self esteem and selfworth, I will say it was very hard work, but very worthwhile to get hapiness and love that I was truly seeking.

Best of luck with reducing the meds Stephen! It's always hard when we first start taking them and when we stop as well.

You will do great!