withering ...

Hi everyone. I'm 20 years old. I loved a guy. We were in a relationship for 4 years. He was my life. I actually served him. I was there when he needed me. He cried, I cried. He was happy, I was happy. I would never spend his single penny. It was like a dream come true. He did the same for me. Maybe more.

But we were easily provoked. We fought a lot. We were heck of possessive people. He did A LOTTT for me. Never i had felt this way in my life.

But turns out, a week ago, we fought and we screwed things up yet again. I messaged him NOT being nice and was rude. Turns out that that message was sort of an incentive for both of us. I got to know his real face. He then messaged me. It was not one of his angry tones. He sounded very placid, as if he meant everything he said.

In that message he said that he always wanted to sleep with me and this was his very motive through the very beginning. He said that that's what women ultimately deserve, sleep with them and throw them away and that I was yet another girl he used and now threw away. (Here i must tell u that we never slept together and we have never gone far enough though he wanted to but i kept stepping away) He said that I was a ***** and a **** and that my parents would be proud of me. He said that he would love my future husband to find out how such a big ***** I was. He kept lol-ing after every sentence and made fun of me. I feel so shallow.

That coming from him was a shock for me. I haven't yet recovered from the shock. He was not even the last person I thought i would hear such things from. I never cheated on him. But he has cheated the whole relationship. What was my mistake. He pulled my loving parents in it and i feel helpless and good for nothing.

I din't reply to his last message. Im a loser that i din't and he won this game. He came out of it CLEAN. But i couldn't be so rude to him and abuse him so badly and lie that this relation dint matter to me. Every minute of these 4 years i had been loyal.. which was useless. I feel bad for all the girls that have their hearts broken because of him. I prayed for them and I prayed for him to come to right path and be forgiven for all the sins he did.

I have switched off my phone and i ll turn it on when im okay, with a different number. Please help me out. Please find a way for me. Im so miserable. I hate myself being so helpless and needy. But my life sucks. I cant go to a counselor thats for sure.

I have no friends. They gave up on me as my ex was all that I had in life. Your reading is more than enough. Otherwise no one would give a crap to read my story. Thank u.

Thank u so much, it means a lot to me. I'm in shock that how can somebody fake himself for 4 years? how can he fake that he loves me every minute of the the day? and how can i be so vain to not find out the real side of him.. Especially when he knew that i loved him truly. He kept telling me that nobody did and would love him as much as i did. He loved talking to me. He called me every hour and messaged me every minute. Was that part of the game too?? or has his anger blinded him? I fail to answer these questions.

My life depended on him. I really like ur advice. Before him and even now im a very career oriented person. I love drawing and i'm studying it too. I have high ambitions and no boys are going to bring me down now. I just hope that he realize some day that how much damage he has caused me..

Thanku so much!! :)

Hi Life,
I believe that what he said to you was out of desperation and anger (this does not excuse it) No matter his reasons, would it be enough for you to realize that you deserve better and do not deserve to have someone say such cruel and ugly things to you?
I only said the first part because I wanted you to understand that people can put on convincing facades when they are hurting and I think that realizing that, though not excusing it, is essential in how you move beyond this. That's just my own oppinion.
Irregardless, you deserve better.
Please keep coming back and sharing with us. Don't keep this in, especially if you feel that you can't see a councelor.

Amber- Thank u so very much! U literally answered all of my questions and I agree with u on all the points. But yes this is NOT going to be an excuse at all. Karen and Jim are right that I should leave him in the past where he belongs. Initially its going to be hard but eventually things will turn right and back to normal. Thanks! <3 :)